And I just don't think it's fare!

You know that whole thought process of many women today that they can "Have it all" or rather "Do it all". Well i'm here to tell you that is a load of crap and if i ever meet the woman who started that thought process that is being pounded into our brains daily i will personally shove all my "All" up her... okay you get the idea.

Every day is a struggle. It's a happy struggle at times when i get to see my sweet baby girl. When i look down from cooking/burning dinner to see her happy little face talking to her frog toy. It's happy when through my puffy, sleep filled eyes that are being propped open with toothpicks I see her smiling and chewing on her tiny little toes. It's happy when I watch my great big hunk of a husband get home early and gab with Kinsley while he gives her a bath and she covers him in water. Those are the happy struggles that make all the hard ones worth it.

The hard struggles? Trying to concentrate at work when i know there's a million and one things that need to get done at home. Trying to find time to workout when I haven't seen or had a decent conversation with Chris in over a week. Trying to not want to ship my dogs off to the nearest foster home because i'm overwhelmed with needed to clean up after them and feeling guilty every time i look at their eyes that say "you don't pay attention to me anymore". Trying to find time to clean my house so that my husband and daughter don't get sick with allergies and so i'm not mortified if someone were to "pop" over.

I feel like i'm up to my ears in to-do list. I try to plan out my day and that gets tossed to the wind. I try to be super productive on weekends but then Chris works or we have to go out of town. I try to figure out a way for me to stay home full time but realize that we won't make our basic bills if I do that. I'm tired of of always asking for help from my mother-in-law who is the queen of "Do it All". She has energy from i don't know where, she can sleep for 5 hours a night and keep going and helping and doing... WITH a smile! She LOVES to help, LIVES to help but i feel like a HUGE GIANT failure when i have to keep asking for that help. And even when i finally hit bottom and do ask i still get behind again. I need a system, or maybe just motivation?

Remember Austin Powers and his Mojo? Well i have none (not just the sexual kind, even though that's depressing too). I dont' have any energy to paint my toes at the end of the day much less try to feel sexy for my amazing cowboy husband. I snap at him for the silliest things. It's like i want to fight because it seems easier and seems to take less energy to be mad then to try to put on my happy face and be productive.

My days start at 430, i get home by 530pm, and need to be in bed no later then 930. And people 4 hours is NOT a lot of time when you throw in making dinner, bottles, breast feeding, bath time, bedtime, and dogs. Not to mention you want some play time with this little human you made and want to stay bonded with.

I just want to stop feeling like a failure. I want to stop looking for those quick fixes of happiness (hello online shopping!). I want to be it all and do it all. Mostly i just want to be.... Happy.

Dear Teething gods,

Would you please come down and whisper the secrets to a happy teething baby in my ear. My happy little baby has been swallowed by teething hell. Gone are her easy to bed nights, instead they are full of now of shushing, rocking, and praying that the crying will stop. Gone are my once a night feedings and in are the terrible crying unless she's in my arms.

As much as it flatters me that she can only find comfort in my arms I would be okay with her sleeping in her own crib.

It got so bad on Saturday night that i crawled into the crib with her and tried to get her to sleep that way. It worked, until i eased myself out... she promptly woke up crying.... again. Yes, you did read that correctly, i crawled into her crib... and it DID NOT break! HAHA!

So we're slowly becoming a "family bed" family. Not out of want but out of dire desperation for sleep. If her sleeping locked safely in my arms will allow Chris and I to get ANY sleep, much less more then two hours at at time, i'll take it! Seeing as i haven't mastered sleeping while rocking her upright in a chair.

So all of you who have been there, PLEASE tell me what to do... tonight we're going to try LOTS of drugs... Generic Tylenol (b/c of the recall), teething Tablets or Orajel. During the day she's happy enough,with a slight fever... but the night brings in the monsters! Tell me this won't last long!

Happy Mothers day!

For Mothers day we went to church (with toothpicks holding open our eyes... more on that later), then to see Great-Grandma Ruth, then to purchase my Ergo Carrier! Then home to cookout some burgers (even though we ran out of gas and had to use the George instead) and then off to nappy time for ME (more on that later).

Kinsley was quite the hit everywhere she went, looking like the beautiful little lady that she is!

This is Great-Grandma Ruth. She has alzheimer's so she doesn't really know what's going on (ie. her great granddaughter is on her lap). But that's okay, she'll know when she gets to Heaven and Kinsley will always have this picture to remember her by!

Kinsley loves to grab everything now! ESPECIALLY Noses and Mouths. Chris just HATES playing with his daughter, can't you tell?

Oh yea, there's my little trouble maker!

Some times you don't always make it in the family picture, someone has to take the photo.
Don't you love how Kinsley has to be touching EVERYTHING! lol

This is Grandma, she keeps me sane by helping with Kinsley when i get over whelmed with life!

The reason why i'm so happy! Man she's CUTE!

a word on rectal temps

so I wanted to mention briefly the subject of taking your child's temp via the pooper.

This was one of my DEEPEST fears... i mean i've seen it done on my dogs and it didn't look to pleasant... they always gave me that bug eyed look of "You really did just stick something up there didn't you"... so to say the least i was NOT happy about trying this on my daughter.

So i bought an ear thermometer. Yeah, those are crap... DO NOT WORK! She ALWAYS had a temperature, so did i, so did the dogs, so did... you get it. So I have learned the rectal temp is always the best.

The first time i had to stick that thing in there (don't worry i knew to do only the tip, etc) i apologized to my little bit hoping and praying she wouldn't remember this when she's older. Then i braced myself for her screams (because i would sure scream if someone wanted to go IN my OUT hole... can you tell I'm not an exhibitionist.. sorry Brother for TMI) and you know what??? NO screams... didn't even acknowledge that something was happening! FANTASTIC! So i wiped the nervous sweat from my brow and moved on.

It's not always that easy, the other day when i had to take it i helped her to stimulate poop (not meaning to), and sometimes she's so active so to get her to lay still while i wait for the beep is not always easy.

But i'm here to tell you it's not as awful as i feared and i don't think i've scared her yet!

Thankful/Thank God it's Friday Post

So we're going to take my favorite day of the week from now on to tell you what i'm most thankful for in my life at that moment! So here it goes!

1. I'm thankful that it's Friday and i get the whole weekend with Kinsley!
2. I'm thankful that God finds way to help me get through each day.
3. I'm thankful that even though it's hard Chris and I both have jobs!
4. I'm thankful that Kinsley is such a happy girl
5. I'm thankful for a husband that still loves be despite my exhaustion, lack of cooking lately, moodiness, and messy house.
6. I'm thankful for such an amazing support system of family and friends.
7. I'm thankful for our home, even though we have a lot of "I wish it were...'s" it's still our home!
8. More then anything I'm just thankful to have the name Mom!

Tiny Dancer!

So when Kinsley told me she wanted to wear her Tutu to school today I TRIED to explain to her that it might not be the best idea. I mean it might get dirty, or caught on something, etc. But when your child is just bound and determined to wear something, sometimes it's just easier to let them! (As long as they are covered and not mimicking the latest Marilyn Mason fan). So I threw my care to the wind and indulged my 5 month old and let her wear her cute tutu!

she's already trying to point her toes!

Her teacher at school just LOVED it!
Kinsley has now found her feet! She LOVES pulling on the and talking to them! She has this throaty squeal that she just loves to make now and thinks it's even better when you do it too! I love my cupcake!

Little booger

My little booger is 5 months old today! Can you believe it! I know i can't! She's sitting up assisted. She rolls (at least from front to back). She will gab your ear off. She flirts without abandonment. She's getting so big and i just can't stand it! I want to shrink her back down to my little pint sized string bean!
But the only string beans around here are the ones on her spoon... the one that she likes to try to feed herself with! Little stinker! Such a mess!