Bring it on

No I'm not going to start doing a back flip in a little skirt while some gay, or not so gay, guy holds me up in the air by my ass. I'm bringing on my eating... my clean eating. I feel off the wagon a little last night with some baked beans. I didn't realized baked beans weren't paleo... I figured the sauce wasn't but the bean... uh... but I didn't eat the mashed potatoes OR the mac and cheese AND I didn't have wine! Score for me!

I feel like this time, more than any other time, I get it. I really GET how this journey is mine and it all comes down to ME and MY choices. Yes I wanted to get a big chips and cheese dip snack after the kids went to bed, but you know what, I settled for an apple. Was I happy about it? HELL NO! But I was happy that I could control that craving and make the better choice for myself.

I haven't started working out again, it's been really crazy. Probably won't start tonight either, but I can't do EVERYTHING... I just can't. I can chose to put the right things in my pie hole.

Tonight I've set it up for success... at least with myself. I made beef stew in the crockpot! The kids may tell me they are full and don't like it, but at least I know I'll be eating something besides the 3/4 of the can of peas I ate last night!

Low point though this morning... I was sumo squatting my daughter from her bed to the floor so i could get her dressed and my pants ripped. It was the lining of my very nice wool work pants, but still, it happened. Loudly. I.was.devastated.

Enter in motivation to keep making the right choices. It may not be fast, but it will happen.

Let it begin, again

I'm beginning my clean eating, paleo lifestyle again. I'm not saying no carbs, etc ever again. And i'm not saying to wine ever again. I'm saying not for now. I'm going to commit myself to this for 30 days. See there's 97 until my brother-in-law's wedding (yes Jess you read that right, even though I know you already know that). He's marrying my long lost sister and I can't wait! So in hopes of not hating my photos from that day (the whole family is in the wedding so we're bound to get some good ones!), i'm getting my diet in check!

It's time to put on my big girl pants and just recognize that I'm failing myself. I am not 18 anymore and I cannot eat an entire tray of fries and not gain weight. Plus I should be doing that anyway. I need to take care of my body by putting good things into it and being a good example to my kids with the food I eat. So hello meat and green beans!

What's in a new year for you?

So there's a lot going on for my family possibly in the new year some of which I'm not sure it's going to happen so I can't really talk about a lot of it. One thing I can tell you about now is a new job for me! I'll still be in contracts but a different type of contract. Still with the government but a different group... and HOLLA Momma got a raise! But I want to go beyond the obvious changes. Yes I made that change and it's a needed one, but there's deeper changes that need to happen so that when these kind of changes don't happen, it's okay. I need to know that I will be okay.


Now is the time many start talking about new years resolutions. I mean we all have thoughts of "what I'll do" right? We all have thoughts of what we want to do better. Here's what's been weighing heavily on my heart lately... because I really think a change has to start there if you're going to have any chance of it starting anywhere else.

I will lose at least 25lbs this year. I feel like not reaching this goal in the past has really hurt me in other areas of my life. I feel like I'm letting myself down and so then I allow (key word allow) myself to be let down in other areas of my life too. I can go through the million and one ways that I'm going to do it, but I don't honestly know and you know what? It could be a million different ways, I don't care as long as it happens!

I will cut out on buying extra crap just to buy. I'm not saying that my family won't buy something random for the house or I won't purchase an extra shirt here or there to feel pretty for something important. But I'm going to be smart about the purchases and I'm not going to be emotional. I will not go shopping because I want to cover feelings of hurt or anger. Instead I'll try to put those feelings into those previously mentioned 25lbs.

I will spend my time more wisely. I'm done filling up our calendar with get togethers with people I feel like we should get together with. Instead I'm going to concentrate on people that I need to get together with for the sake of my happiness. Luckily God has blessed us with A LOT of amazing friends, but I want to work on seeing the amazing friends that I have been taking for granted. I also want to set aside time for just my family. My goal is to only plan one "outside of the family" activity a weekend. Sometimes this won't happen (birthday parties, etc), but my goal will be that if we had a busy Saturday then we need to take it east Sunday and visa versa.

I will get my family more involved with our church. Sunday morning service alone isn't doing a service to anyone. We need to up our game to some Sunday School action and other family activities to really bring God to the root of our family and to show my children what it all really means when we pray every night.

I will blog more. This is my diary, scrapbook, sounding board all in one. I can keep my children's memories and let my feelings out on here. I've been slack this past year because I've been slack in general. I've been spending too many days in a whoa is me mode. I've been praying too many prayers asking God to fix it rather then asking him to fix me. I've been looking at what I don't have more than what I do have. Often when I get to sound it out on here, I realize my err and snap out of it. I will Blog more.

So what are you planning for 2014?

She's 4...

Somehow my sweet first born is 4! Today is her birthday and it's actually hitting me hard. Normally I spend so much time on celebrating birthdays that I don't have time for it to emotionally hit me... but today, her birthday is in the middle of the week. Her party isn't until Saturday so I have all day to sit here and think about how my sweet baby girl is FOUR! 

This past holiday weekend my family came up for Thanksgiving and since they couldn't be here for Kinsley's actual birthday they did a pre-birthday celebration with her. It was awesome, she walked around all day telling us it was her pretend birthday and she could do what she wants!

Mom took her to ICE! I don't think she really got how amazing it was, that EVERYTHING was made out of ice, but she enjoyed it and we were VERY impressed! 

A little pre-gaming on the train!~

These are backwards for some reason but whateve, enter: ICE

Here's the life-size nativity scene! 

 Huge Taxi with her Grandmas!

 New York New York!

 The theme was the Night Before Christmas (wish i would have made it down last year for Madagascar!) It was fun! These coats were ridiculous on her! Her Uh Seph helped out~

 She's into snowmen~

 I mean it's ALL ICE people! ALL of it! And there was a 2 story Ice slide!!!

 Afterwards Uh Seph (she called her uncle's "Uh" when she was little and my brother has tried to keep it going for him at least) took us to Gingy's house to decorate cookies... Kinsley had us all decorate one. Can you pick out the one she decorated?

Then this morning I had this all set up for her to take up to:

I think it went over well! 

 

And now my baby is four. This weekend we're having a huge Ariel Under the Sea blowout for her, I still can't believe in a year and half she'll be in Kindergarten!

I love you sweet Kinsley Grace. For all that you are and all that you will be! You are such a sweet and caring little girl. You're thoughtful of your friends and family. You never forget anything and are amazing at learning everything. God has blessed our lives by letting you into it, Thank you for sharing your sweetness with us!

COLOR RUN!!!!

A while ago I got the itch to run (pre-injuries) and asked some friends if they wanted to do the color run with me, they said yes, were ecstatic even? AND Despite the fact that we all hover somewhere above or below 30 we thought it was the best idea to do the Color Run in Tutu's!  You know the color run, the run where they throw color powder on you? The "Happiest Run on the Plant".

 

So here we are in our tutu glory!

Best part? Got to run it with my future sister-in-law!

Well somehow these girls kept my big butt running and despite having not run in WEEKS, they got me to finish that run in 32minutes! SAY WHA! That was a PB!

Aren't we cute? Above is us before the actual race even started! Below is after the race... amazing!

I'll tell you this was a HAPPY and FUN run. Little congestion, awesome music, and everyone was so fun and friendly! It was an excuse to just have fun and be silly and I totally dug it and totally needed it! AHHHH!

 

Then commenced the longest shower of my life, and i still have color on my hands!

Sorry I'm late

I have to tell you that I'm very sorry I'm pretty much always late now. I use to be a very punctual person. It was even a pet peeve of mine when people weren't on time. The women's fraternity i was a member of in college even had it as one of the "rules". But, now... Now I have kids, dogs, and a husband.


So next time we're to meet up and I'm late, here's a few reasons why:

1.My son started crying at 4:30 this morning and threw all of our lives into a tizzy... sorry I know it's now 6pm tonight.
2. I told my daughter she couldn't have candy for breakfast so she had a meltdown, which led to a pee accident which led to a wet wipe bath...
3. It's too dark out
4. My son thought his juice would look better on his head
4. My daughter's foot is dying
6. THE flower dress is dirty, enter meltdown
7. The dog got out of the house (via knocking over the kids and bolting out the door)
8. I can't find my keys (left them in the door LAST night)
9. We need to find sunglasses
10. Despite telling everyone 31 times that we are late we REALLY needed to stop and read a book.
11. We needed boo boo ice for the dying foot.
12. Despite "I'll be better tomorrow Momma" they weren't
13. We needed a princess bandaid for our bug bites
14. We had the wrong color headband on... clearly matching is wrong
15. We needed a snack, and juice, and now we aren't hungry for the lunch we were going to have with you.
16. The dog decided to throw up a sock at that moment
17. My Son "found" the throw up sock
18. My son decided to "hide"... on top of the throw up
19. My daughter needed to change my son's diaper
20. My son bit my daughter because she was trying to change his diaper
21. The sky is blue
22. My son put his only clean coat in the toilet, so now he's wearing his sister's pink one
23. Because Sally's Mommy lets Sally.... clearly I'm a terrible Mom
24. Because "I'm just going to be sad now"
25. because i locked myself in the bathroom to scream

A time in life

There come times in your life where you just want to give up. Whether its give up trying to lose weight, or be the perfect Mom, or run a half marathon. Or you just want to curl into a little ball and sleep for days because you can't figure out what the point of it all is. 

Don't get me wrong, I know what the point of it is!

She's the point. This feisty little, soon to be four year old is the point. Her questions and amazement are the point.

This wildly sweet 20 month old is the point. With his mumbled words and fearless nature, he's the point.

 But half the time I get so caught up in life I often miss THOSE points. Luckily I have this woman (Chris's Mom) near by that gives me enough of a breather that I get moments of clarity like these so I can remember the point.

My most recent source of frustration is our house. We were getting married, had been in Maryland for 8 months. Working new jobs. Tired of throwing money away on an apartment and so we bought. We bought a simple LITTLE townhouse as our starter home in 2006. What we bought that tiny little, fixer upper townhouse for then, could buy us a pretty cute single family now. If we weren't upside down on that little starter home, we could afford a pretty nice house with property now, especially since the market is now in our favor! But we're stuck.

This is what I want to do to the housing market! (Dang isn't she cute!)

 

 (This is my sweet little girls first Karate test, Holy crap when did my kid get big enough to take karate and speak Korean? Obviously she's effected by the housing market!)

But you know what? She is. She can't invite all of her friends to her birthday party because we don't have the room. She's inviting quite a large number, considering the size of our humble abode, but I didn't have the heart to tell her no to everyone. We'll make it work, albeit close!

 So by now you're thinking "At least you have a home Erin" and I agree. We are lucky. We have a home. Each child has their own bedroom (although Parker's is a glorified closet). We have no problem making our bills. We are very lucky. We are blessed. But it isn't our dream. We keep working harder and harder to reach our dreams but we keep hitting road blocks along the way and I keep wondering, when is SOMETHING going to give??

You like what I did there don't you? Kinsley made it give!  She broke through. HA I sleigh me!

I know God has a plan for our family. I know he has a direction for us to go in and just because we're stuck in a house that's too small and too old and still needs too much fixing that we don't have the time or money to put into it... there's a reason we're still here. Maybe to make us appreciate what we do have. Maybe to test us (because Lord knows that house is starting to test me with two crazy kids, two annoying dogs, and my love for entertaining). Maybe it's because something better is coming at just the right moment and if it happened now it would be too soon.

We bought this townhouse too soon... one more year and we would have paid at least $30,000-40,000 less than we did and we would have been able to move by now. So now I need to be patient and know there's a time and it's not always going to be MY time. But if you know me, patience is not one of my attributes. So pray for us. Not that we get a house, or win the lottery (although that would be okay with me) pray that we find contentment and happiness. Pray that we stop looking at what we don't have or could have and start looking at what we do have. Pray that it stops feeling like a beating (not just about this house but life in general) and starts feeling like what it is... a blessing.

 

We're the one in the middle... this is circa 2009, improvements have been done since then~