Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Flipping Mom Guilt

Y'all, I'll be the first to tell you, I do NOT feel bad going to work. Hell, most days I'm sprinting to work without a backward glance. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe, but I do love my kids and I know that I need the adult time to be a better Mom for them. Plus, my salary provides for us, even past daycare.

I try to do a lot with them and make all of their school parties and special moments but sometimes it's hard. I rarely have "me" time because my "me time" is work, how much does that suck?? Once I leave work I feel guilty if i schedule anything else that doesn't include them. True statement.

Well little man is sick and I'm not with him. 99% of the time I am the one that takes off and stays home with him, but it's just not possible today and I feel the guilt. I know he wants nothing but sweet Momma cuddles (at least I'm pretty sure that's in the top 5 of his list today) but i have to work... GUILT!

Also, tonight, I'm going out to dinner... so I won't be home before he goes to bed. GUILT! I'm going to dinner with a college bestie that i haven't seen in over 2 years so I'M GOING because she is staying over in Baltimore for the night to interview for a residency so it's a one shot deal and so I'M GOING but I've got loads of guilt!

Why can't a Momma ever do something without all of this guilt?!?! I love my kids so much it hurt and I know I do a lot for them but if I'm not the one there trying to make them feel better, no matter the reason, I feel guilty. Then at work I tell my boss that i might have to stay home tomorrow. I will try to telework some but with a sick baby you never know what will happen... so SHE throws the guilt on me!!! The hubs has got A LOT going on at work right now, so he is throwing the guilt on me. I'm not sure how much more my shoulders will bear.

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Monday, December 17, 2012

When you're nothing but a half ass...

Everything in my life lately I feel like i've half-assed it. Clean my house? Yeah it's clean when people come over... during the week? Hell NO!
Losing weight, working out, and staying on my diet plan?

Everything, my work? Yeah I get stuff done but i know i could be doing better.

This blog? Well lets see, when was the last picture and post? Half-assed

Relationship with my husband...

Quality time, not just time with my kids...

my thirty-one business...

About the only thing i haven't been half-assing is shopping, which is NOT a good thing according to my hubs.

I'm in a constant state of exhaustion. I am constantly giving up before I've really even begun.

Remember the MTV show MADE? That's what I need. I need a real adult life MADE. I need a Jillian Michaels to follow me around and yell at me so that I keep accountable to my time. I know that most of my problems are time management, but even with all the time in the world, at night, once the kids are in bed (7-730) I'm FREAKING TIRED! I don't want to pick up my house. I don't want to workout. I don't want to work on work. I just want to lay on the couch and eat a tub of raw cookie dough while watching Vampire Diaries. Little known fact but the CW is my tween happy place.

I try to workout at work during lunch and some weeks I'm a rockstar at it, but throw a monkey wrench into one day and the whole week is blown. I have an addiction to food and carbs, what fat girl doesn't, and to figure out a good and easy menu takes time that I don't have. Plus going to weight watchers meetins aren't mean enough for me. It's like they almost pat you on the back for breaking your diet ("It's okay... next week!" HELL NO it's not okay, how do you think I got this way!!!)

So if they come out with an adult MADE that doesn't require you to be 400lbs or quit your job for a few months, let me know but I want to sign up. This girl needs help!

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