Monday, February 23, 2015

Have you ever wondered how you got to where you are?

When I met my husband I was 125lbs dripping wet. When we got married I was 145lbs. When I had each of my kids I was 165. I'm now 185. How does this happen? How does one gain 60lbs in 12 years!?~ I know life happens, bodies change, blah blah blah. but HOW?!?!

Want to know how it happens? By giving up? I've given up. I've had great friends along the way that have tried to support me, motivate me, uplift me, but I am not motivated. I am lazy and tired. I don't want to put in the work. I want a magic pill or a magic to workout to take me back to my wedding weight (at least) without me putting forth any effort. Sound familiar? I've had approx. 435,211 "Monday's"... you know that day where "I'm starting over today"!

I hate it when I hear people say "do it for yourself", well to do it for myself I'll have to wake up at 4:45 in the morning, I would rather treat myself to more sleep! I don't know, maybe one day down the road I'll feel differently but I HATE working out. I hate getting ready for it, doing it, dealing with the sweat after it. I  hate having to prepare my food. I use to love cooking, but that was before I had 2 little invaders that are ALWAYS hungry and ALWAYS want what I'm not making. Oh and they WANT IT NOW! I don't have time to take as much time as I want to put together something amazing and healthy. If I want healthy I feel like it has to be chicken or salad every night. Yum. (bleh).

But now I FEEL like I'm at a cross roads. I FEEL like I'm passing this outlook onto my kids without meaning to. Oh you want a snack, go to the sugar filled snack cabinet and munch away, but still be hungry for dinner please. I try to limit the snacks but they are like me, needing instant gratification. How do you change that?

I'm so over starting over. I'm so over hating myself. But mostly, I'm so over rubbing off onto my kids. I don't know if this is me "starting over" or venting... but I just need to get my thoughts out before they consume me. I KNOW all the right choices to make. I KNOW how to workout, how to eat how to everything, but the thought of meal planning makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. The thought of getting up before 530 makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs. But I know I need to. I know my kids need to see me do it. I need to do it so I actually have energy FOR my kids.

Uh being a Mom and a human is hard...
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Thursday, February 12, 2015

Well it happened. I don't know how it happened (I mean OBVIOUSLY I do know HOW, I have a degree, not in math) and I don't think I like that it happened but, I have a five year old. She is going to leave me for the big wide scary wonderful world of Kindergarten next year, and never to talk to me again. 

Kinsley Grace
Five years old
VERY sassy and opinionated and argumentative. (Thank you God, yes I did want a daughter JUST LIKE ME *enter eye roll*)
Smart as a whip (didn't know whips were smart, but again, just like me haha), she can already read level 1 books and is starting to read level 2. She's Ah-mazing and blows my mind with how smart she is. Asks how to spell everything because she's always writing something~
She wanted a pirate party so I made a cake~ BAM!

Then we invited her friends and it turned into a toddler frat party with no where to move, next year we'll out source this to some place, *never in my home again*! She had a blast, Kinsley also (kind heart that she is) collected toys 4 tots at her birthday party. Some friends brought her a gift, some brought a toy for a poor child, some brought both. I really wish I had a picture of her donating the toys, instead this family picture from the party will have to do!


Kinsley isn't the only one growing up. My crazy little man is really becoming more and more of a handful, but luckily he still love his cuddles with me. And luckily only throws objects over the balcony and not himself yet. 

We've been having a lot of this in my house:
See what I mean?


But it's cool because I have my little cheerleader to balance things out! #lovebeingacheermom

It's winter time in Maryland, which means manual labor for the kiddos. Luckily Santa brought Parker something to help us with it! 


Honestly I've felt like a craptastic (yeah I just made that up) Mom and I know why now... it's the winter. My personality, body, mind, even spirit HATE the winter and the short days and seriously take a hiatus. So I'm sorry my little babies and Chris for who I become in the winter. I know I'm not a fun person to be around. BUT the days are getting longer! It's light out until almost 6!!! 

More than anything, when I reflect after all of my complaining, I need you babies to know that You Are Important! You ARE so special to me. You ARE amazing and loved. 

Keep growing but always need me, except for the potty, I'm totally okay if you can learn to wipe your own butts now~



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Monday, December 15, 2014

Guys it's NEVER going to get easier...

Kids I want to apologize. I'm not a Mom that picks you up full of energy, I don't get down on the ground and play with your like I used to. Heck I don't even sit and color. I don't know what to tell you other than, I'm tired. I love you more than I can say but I'm just tired. You'll know, you'll go through this one day with kiddos of your own and I hope I can be there to help you the way your Grandma has helped me.

Here's what my typical day looks like:
5:30AM Get up, get ready, get lunches packed, get y'all up (if you're not already up and in my bed begging for TV shows PARKER!)
6:40AM Leave the house for daycare
7:10AM Leave y'all at daycare after setting up your breakfast for you and multiple goodbyes.
8:10AM Arrive to work late, hope no one notices or cares.
Lunch: Run errands we won't have time for later or sleep b/c y'all were waking me up all night
4:40PM Leave work late in case someone did notice me getting in late.
5:30-5:45PM Pick y'all up from school
6:00PM Get home, do homework (yep even in preschool), get you a snack, get dinner ready, eat, etc
7:15 ish Bathtime, bedtime, etc
8:00PM you're in bed, normally

Now I SHOULD be working out or something, but normally I'm cleaning dishes, doing laundry or something... or heck, i've given up and i'm zoning out on the couch. It's a rats race we live. Soon we'll be adding in weekday activities to try to make our schedules that much more challenging. YEA!

Just find a job you love babies. It makes it REALLY hard for me every day to go to work knowing that I really want to stay home and take care of y'all and our house. I don't want to be at work... especially one that is so far away (HA i shouldn't be talking with the commute your Daddy has).

Y'all are lucky you're so darn cute and worth it! Love you to the moon and back.

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Tuesday, November 4, 2014

It's time to vote kiddos

Alrighty Kiddos, I want the take away from today's lesson to be GET YOUR BUTT OUT THERE AND VOTE! Hopefully my guidance in previous post will teach you how to vote, NOW DO IT. I don't ever want to hear you complain about the state of our economy, your rights, etc unless you voted.

Here's some of my issues though with our voting system.

1. People should HAVE to show a government issued ID! Period the end. AWWW we are discriminating against the poor that can't afford an ID (even though a LARGE majority CAN afford beer)... well we give them food stamps and housing, why not an ID? Think about it!

2. Our dear president Obama (aka the worst thing ever to happen to this county) is let illegals vote. Um A. They shouldn't even BE here B. They shouldn't be able to get jobs that LEGAL people need and C. They aren't citizens Get them out of here and NO, NO votes for them!

Fix these and A LOT of the fraud will go out the window.
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Thursday, October 23, 2014

Well I thought I would document a few pictures in here since I've just been spouting off at the mouth a lot lately... that might still happen in this post....

Here's the Family... Still only two kids, trying to keep it that way. If you want to know why we aren't having 3, look at my previous post... oye. I'm still working on winning that weight battle but I'm not too down on myself. I have a lot of improving to do but I'm not BAD looking. I think I look nice, I just want to FEEL nice so I want the weight to go so I have more energy and so I know I'm taking care of myself the way I should! (I brought my one saddle bags to the Rodeo! HA)

Oh these two. So we have a family we hang out with a lot and LOVE and well, Kinsley loves one of them too! HAHA. OMG it's too much with their cuteness ALL.The.Time.

This kids started a new school/daycare and it's made SUCH a difference. In this sign it says she's starting her first day of Pre-K but actually she's in the Kindergarten class. That's right my child is a genius! That's right I said it, all you other parents be jealous. Sadly I don't think it's anything I did so I can't give you tips. She's just awesome all on her own accord! (Don't ask me about that face, we're having picture taking issues lately)

Here's the problem child himself, you see that smile... oye, every.time. He's a hellova handful but that face! *Head to desk* he wiggles his way back in every time. 

This was their first school field trip with the new school. It was fun. I'm just so glad I get to make these memories with them! 

The new school is right up my alley, full of Moms who LOVE doing birthday parties as much as I do! Their budgets are a bit more than mine but the love is still there! Anna and Else attended this one and did face painting and games, so we HAD to dress accordingly! 

We've been keeping busy, every day of every weekend, which is why I'm not on here as much, but see, they are growing and happy! 

A friend joked with me recently that this was my "raise them from the grave" blog now and it's true. My post are centered around now what I want them to know (based on the day and  how I'm feeling) if I didn't have anymore days with them. Things I think I would be curious about if my parents passed away before I grew up. Lessons I've learned, etc. I'm not a perfect person, FAR from it, and some of my "Please God Just Go To Sleep" rants are so when they are older they know it's normal to love your kids but need a break. To know I tried my best. To know the normal for us so we don't ever forget. I don't want to forget my sleepless nights and only remember the happy visits to the pumpkin patch because the pumpkin patch isn't our whole story. Our story is about the bonds we made in the middle of the night through a sleepy haze of "hold me momma".

I love you Kiddos! Keep it Real, Real FUN!
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

My Dear Son, you're a brat...

I mean it's true, I'm sorry. I'm your mother, I love you to the moon and back but you.are.a.brat. At the ripe old age of Two and a half you can make a grown person want to climb into the fetal position and scratch their eyes out. You're not happy unless I let you eat ketchup with Popsicles for breakfast while leaving your sister to fend for herself, while allowing you to jump on the kitchen table in your underwear watching your 1,000th episode of Paw Patrol. You're a brat.

God forbid I need to go downstairs in the morning to make breakfast or lunches, or hell to get a cup of coffee to deal with your mood swing that I KNOW is coming... no no, forget it. Lord Help me if I need to use the bathroom EVER, it's not allowed (NO MOMMA NO POTTY! WHAAAAAA!).

I tell you to stop and you wait to see if I really mean it, when you realize I do because I'm coming at your like a swat team you turn into full survival mode and start catapulting anything within reach, toys, pillows, shoes... all fair game.

I know part of your brattiness if my fault. Honestly I get home and the follow through sounds SO exhausting. And you've been given so many "outs" from people that even you recite them when you're about to get into trouble, "I tired Momma". It wouldn't be all THAT bad except I'm TIRED. You've decided that this is a good time to boycott sleeping. REALLY? You walk into my room on a nightly basis. I walk you back to your room, tuck you and then we rinse and repeat. JUST STAY SLEEP!!!!

So my dear son, your reckoning is coming and it's named Momma. Oh yeah, brace yourself because I've gotten so tired and annoyed that I'm on the verge of crazy and I might just take that crazy out on every one of your toys! That crazy might just turn itself into only veggies ALL the time, breakfast lunch and dinner until you can say "I love it Momma, more please". Ontil you can stop using your sister as a dart board and tackle dummy and the dog as a horse, there will be a new sheriff in town and I don't think you're going to like her very much, because Momma don't do bratty kids!
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Monday, October 6, 2014

Kinsley I need you to know

You are beautiful. Makeup doesn't make you beautiful. Clothes don't make you beautiful. Other people telling you that you are beautiful doesn't make you beautiful. What does?

You looking out for your little brother on the moon bounce
You picking out toys from the playroom to give to the less fortunate
You choosing to have all of your friends bring a new toy for charity rather than for you for your birthday
You sticking up for your friends when your other friends are not so nice
You choosing to walk away from a situation you didn't like
You reading
You never giving up

You make YOU beautiful. Physically many women need validation of their beauty, and physically you're a beautiful little girl, but never put your worth in that beauty. Put your worth in the prayers you say before meals and bedtime, in the actions you show to others. You're a stunning child and I'm so proud of you every day!
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