Monday, April 14, 2014

Apparently being in your 30s means something...

So I don't know if it's just the path in life we've taken or the actual age but, my 30s are feeling older for me than I thought they would. At first, because I was surrounded by my friends who are all in their 30s-40s and in similar lifestyles, it didn't seem like a big deal. Age has never really played a factor for me. But recently, it's seems to be a line in the sand. I was almost made to feel like a cougar... seriously?!?!

It could be that Chris and I just did things a lot earlier than most do these days. We started serious careers right out of college. We were married RIGHT after we turned 24. We bought a house 6 months before we got married. We had our first child right after we turned 27. The second child around 29. These days that's all really early.

At a wedding this weekend I told some people I'm in my 30s (31... like WHOA) and I received bug eyes. Over the hill right? HA

I know there's the whole 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, so what is 30? Because I'll tell you, this weekend I was NOT 20! I might as well have been put at the Grandparents table. Kidding! Sort of.

I always love looking back on these dynamics. Chris and I did things early (not quickly) because we wanted to be able to enjoy our kids and our lives after kids while still being relatively young. Think about it, when Kinsley is entering college we'll be 45! That's freaking AWESOME! I'm SOO going to be able to hang at a tailgate! HA

But being surrounded by 20 somethings talking about "when they are 30" like it's a huge life changing number, makes me laugh. To be flirted with by some 20 something only to see his eyes bug out of his head at the mention of my age (not to mention my marital status with two children) is equally laughable.

So I don't know if I feel old, wise, or just confused. I know my friends who are in their 30s and 40s are laughing at me and could probably write a blog post like this about me, but I like to think I don't treat them any different from me based on their age, because I feel like they don't treat me any differently either. To many age is defining, to me it's a number. It's a number that keeps going up, but other then that, it's just a number. The stories that go between those numbers is what matters. The trips, the experiences, the love is what matters.

Maybe I just have a lot of experience... oh wow now I sound like a ...
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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

We really can't be friends if...

Over the last 31 years I've started to learn a few things about myself. I'm still a relatively insecure child at heart. I care passionately for my family and friends. I LOVE to sleep and be lazy. I'm not ashamed to eat spaghetti for breakfast, all to name a few.

One of the other things I've started to learn is what it takes to make a good friend to me. I put in that "to me" part because obviously the things I value are not valued by all... just my friends! So in case you were hoping you made the list (or hoping to point out why I should give up on our friendship) below will tell you if you should give me a call

1. You have to respect the fact that I'm VERY opinionated and it wouldn't hurt if you were too! 
      I'm a bible beating conservative if you want to put a title on it. I believe in saying "Yes Mame", praying before our meals, having my own gun, and WORKING for what I have. If you don't agree with me or at least respect my opinion, please don't call.

2. You  have to have a job
     Whether that's in the office or in the home with your children, you must have a job. Or trying to find one. NOT "trying" to find the perfect one for so long that you're on welfare now, I don't support that and I don't want to support you with my tax dollars. Get off your butt and get to Walmart and get a job until the dream comes true for you.

3. You have to have a sense of humor
     Do you know what the word sarcastic means? If not please stop reading and DO NOT call.

4. You have to like wine, or beer, or cocktails... or SOMETHING. 
     Okay I'm just going to put it out there, Jesus turned water into Wine... There I said it... glad we talked about that. No seriously our BBQ's are going to feel REALLY weird if you NEVER have ONE drink with me. I get if you're on a diet, pregnant, nursing, whatever, but come on... NEVER have ONE... unless it's medical, don't call. We can chat, but are we REALLY going to be close?

5. You  have to be okay with me praying and talking about God
    You like how this one is right after the wine don't you? So I'm not perfect, never have been and never will be. I put this here (after the wine) to make that point. But I love God and Jesus something fierce and I like to speak about what he's done and is doing in my life. If that makes you uncomfortable, I'll pray for you. You don't have to agree with me, just be okay with it.

6. I discipline my children, in front of people.
    I'm sorry you don't ever feel the need to tell your child No and I'm sorry that you don't want to embarrass your child by putting them in the corner in public. But if MY child does something that is not acceptable they will have a consequence and that will cause crying and you will have to listen to it. SO if that makes you uncomfortable when you call, stipulate No children because my kids are young and every other minute there's a timeout happening.

7. You have to be okay with cheap
    In case you didn't see the previous requirements where I'm talking about having children, I do and they along with their daycare and extracurricular activities suck the ever loving dollar out of my purse, so if you like to go to fancy dinners with your friends on the regular, think hitting up a concert, or Ballet is a normal outing for you, please don't call unless it's your birthday or mine. I don't have money for that. I would have to pay for a babysitter (because there's no timeouts at the Ballet), most likely buy suitable clothing (t-shirts and work clothes don't apply), and then still shell out money for food, drinks, entertainment... I don't have money for that... Just come over with a bottle of wine (see #4) and something to throw on the grill (see #8) and lets put our feet up and chat.

8. I eat meat
    More importantly I eat meat that my husband KILLED! OH YEA! I'm not saying that venison has to be your cup of tea, but don't try to convince me why killing Bambi is tragic or if you're a full out vegetarian, oh lord, I really don't know how I would approach that... I mean as long as you're okay with blood dripping down my chin, because everyone knows a good steak should be rare, then we can remain friends.

9. DO NOT EVER make someone else feel uncomfortable in my house
    I'm so over the neighborhood clicks, the high school drama that some adults never grow out of. Might as well  be on an episode of Mean Girls. At least in the South if we don't like you we're nice to your face. If I have to go out one more time and be ignored or watch someone else be ignored because you are too rude to at least be cordial while our children play together I swear I might get redneck up in here!

So see it's not hard to be my friend. You want me to be tolerant, I ask for the same in return~

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Thursday, April 3, 2014

These kids blow my mind sometimes...

So I have a two year old and a four year old. Okay I have a 2 year and 1 month old and a 4 year and 4 month old. I think the months mean something at this age people!

My son (the 2 year 1 month old) has hit the terrible twos. He is gracing our presence with spectacular displays of tantrums. And he likes to pair his tantrums with words that you cannot understand. Yep Welcome to two! Last night for example he is going to bed and he keeps walking out of his room because he knows I'm in his sisters room trying to be productive (Toddler mission 101: NEVER let the parents be productive). First time he's upset about his nose running (because he won't stop crying!), wipe it go back to bed. Then a series of escapes happen and I'm not sure why because I CANNOT understand a damn thing coming out of his little mouth. Now normally Kinsley can translate but even she was at a loss.

I tried rubbing his back, holding him, ANYTHING and he keeps doing this scratching shit on his chest saying some gibberish that I don't get. You know what I finally figured out? He was hungry, because his Toddler pickiness (Toddler Mission 102: NEVER eat anything they give you) hit at dinner and he didn't eat his dinner. So I threw some muffins at him and closed (okay locked, NO MORE LEAVING) the door and sent the dog in to clean up THAT catastrophe this morning.

Toddlerhood SUCKS

Now you might remember I have a 4 year 4 month old too. This kid is BLOWING MY MIND right now. Like pooof there it goes. She's completely changed the game. I actually miss her tantrums sometimes because I knew what to do with those, lock her in her room! Now this kid is crafty. Like hire her to take over the world crafty.

She goes from laughing about how her brother is the best in the world because he picked a show she likes "OOOH Parker you're the best ever! And we have the best Mommy ever" enter rainbows and suns dancing..., to convincing others to do her dirty deeds so she can sit on the couch like she did nothing at all.

Example: Her boyfriend was over the other night. He's the most well mannered child I have ever met. He is good, says Yes Mame without being reminded and is shy. Do you know what he did just randomly for the first time ever in his life? Colored with a marker ALL OVER Parker's walls. Now, do you think he magically thought to do this himself? HELL NO! Because he did it with a Barbie marker! My daughter talked  him into it! 100% POSITIVE about this. And it wasn't just a little "Hey friend you should color on the walls" tempt, oh no that is soo beneath her! It was an elaborate "my brother is scared to sleep in here so we should draw things all over the walls to keep him safe and happy at night"! So she convinced this kid that he was actually helping and doing GOOD by drawing ALL OVER the walls. And then do you know what happened? She came and told me she didn't do it! And she didn't! *OMG Head to desk*. Don't worry she still got in trouble, because I KNOW, OOOOOH I know!

So this is what we're up against people. Stay strong, stick together, and drink wine!
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Monday, March 31, 2014

You know when you're heart breaks...

So Parker is my sick child. He's not wimpy, lethargic sick. He's the "I'm going to ransack your house and make you wonder how in the world I can do that while having pneumonia" sick. Baffles me.

He's always been sick. He got a 101.... something or other fever before he was 6 weeks old... into the hospital we went because they don't play with tiny babies. He was fine, just a cold. He got so many ear aches he got tubes. He's had pneumonia and other lung illnesses we got our own nebulizer.

He has something going on again. They are certain it's a sinus infection and pneumonia could be a byproduct of that since there's so many crackles in his chest, can't be certain unless you do a chest x-ray but they are going to treat it the same regardless of the x-ray so why submit him to unnecessary radiation?

I'm a though parent, I don't cry when my kids gets shots because I know it's for their own good and they will be okay. But it BREAKS my heart and spirit to see my VERY rambunctious two year old sit calmly through breathing treatments, stick his finger out knowingly for oxygen level test, turn his head for ear checks without even a hesitation because all of that is his norm. THIS SHOULD NOT BE HIS NORM!

Don't get me wrong, Parker has always had a very... understanding? personality. You could "reason" with him from a young age, so it's normal for him to accept his circumstances without big fanfare. Not timeouts or anything super crazy, but waiting to get to do something, having to go to the doctor, yep he's cool.

But my heart is breaking. He's always been sick on some level, and we just go with it. It doesn't slow us down anymore. We travel with the nebulizer just in case. I know we're blessed because it could be worse, but it breaks my heart to know my child thinks this is normal.
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Thursday, March 27, 2014

As for me and my house, we serve the Lord.

To some of you it may come as a complete shock that I'm a Christian, to others you knew, to yet others you assumed. I really want everyone to KNOW.

I love the internet and Blogs, I learn a lot of great stuff (cooking, kid activities, etc) but I also get inspired. I read this post Why I Would Never Force My Kids to Go to Church and I was inspired.

I grew up in the church. The Southern Baptist Church! We weren't a holy rocking church but a "you'll go to hell" kind of church. We went every Sunday for church and Sunday school and every Wednesday for dinner and activities. I went to church camps and vacation bible school and mission trips. There was no question about IF we were going... because we WERE going. Just like there's no question of "Are we going to school today" "are we brushing our teeth today" It was something that just happened on the regular in my family. And most of the time I was okay with that. Sure I had a few rebel years, so since I knew there was no getting out of it I wore JEANS to church, much to my Dad's mortification! lol Now that's the norm at churches~

Well as some, or many do, I strayed from the folds of my church. I moved states, away from my church home base. Married a Catholic so we were confused about what we should be as a family. I got busy. Too busy. Through all of this I always felt like something was missing and that I was lost. The hubs and I tired out different churches, even settled at a few for a while. But none were our glue. We were too busy or tired. We had a laundry list of excuses.

About a year ago we started going to a Lutheran church. REALLY amazing mix of his Catholic traditions and yet it wasn't Catholic so I was more comfortable (not to knock Catholics but come on people I grew up Baptist!")! We felt like it was OUR church, not his, not mine but OURS.

This pressing need to find OUR church was pushing to the front of our lives because of our children. Kinsley was leading our dinner prayers on the regular and we knew we didn't want her and Parker to not get the foundation we grew up with, not to mention WE NEEDED it ourselves. My kids LOVE church, I mean sure right now it's mostly nursery time and playing and doing arts and crafts with other kids but they love the music, they love the people and My FOUR YEAR OLD can tell you on a very basic level about Ash Wednesday! From the mouths of babes people!

I've not always been the best example of a Christian, some might even question if I am one. I make mistakes, I get caught up, I throw out a curse word here and there. But I never claimed to be perfect and I will never be perfect, and that's okay because of God's grace. Christianity isn't about perfection, it's about admitting your imperfections and loving others through their imperfections, and praying and trying to change! We aren't at church on the regular yet, my kids will ask on Sunday if we are going (hopeful that we are) because they don't know if we are. But this Sunday will  be the last Sunday in a six week class that the Hubs and I are in so that we can become members of our church, together (that just brought tears to my eyes)!

My kids will be raised in the church. They will not question why, because my four year old can already tell you. "Jesus loves you and he lives in our hearts and outside too all at the same time". Knowing that is as essential as school, dance, soccer, eating fruits and veggies, etc. Even more essential because Jesus is the breath of life, the fruit of the vine, the air I breath.

We are slowly trying to turn our Sundays into family days, no birthday parties, no commitments. It's not easy and we do make exceptions, but Sunday is slowly becoming about what it should be. A time to slow down and remind ourselves that our house serves the Lord and he is why we have this amazing family! Lucky for us our friends are considered our family too!

I'm not perfect, but I will make sure my kids have every chance that my parents gave me! There will come a time where they don't question it. There will come a time where I will get up on a Sunday just like I do on a Monday. I pray there will come a time where YOU will know who I am and what I stand for, and my prayer is that you will be there right beside me. My prayer is that others will stop making Christians feel so uncomfortable for being a Christian. That I my kids won't feel like they can't pray at school or where ever they are. That teachers and other leaders can live their beliefs without worrying about persecution. My parents gave me this AMAZING foundation because going to church and loving the Lord wasn't a question in my house; now it's up to me to USE that foundation, will you let me?

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Monday, March 24, 2014

Maybe I'm doing something right?

I had a nice little moment this weekend (You like how I'm completely ignoring the fact that it's been forever since my last post huh?).

So despite all we have going on with moving into a new house, still trying to get the old house ready for renters or buyers, church, cyst lacerations, wedding preparations and life in general I went and saw a movie with a friend! To make this movie possible the hubs had to take care of the kids, alone. So what did he do? He did what we Mom's do, joined others in the same boat to make it bearable. He and a few of his Dad friends (and non-Dad friends, but all men) all got together with their kids while the Mom's played. There were 7 kids between the ages of 11 years down to 3 months! There were 5 guys. Awesome right!

Well they all survived and were happy and healthy. But here's the cool thing. Kinsley is four and the other kid there that was her age was a little boy. He doesn't like girls. The girls he knows are all whiny, bossy, mean little things. Basically typical girls (so I'm told). They don't like to share with him, they don't want to give him a turn, and they want him to only play what they want to play. But you know what? He LOVED my girl! They played together all day and WAY into the night and never had one issue! Not one fight. My dramatic little girl never had one meltdown about sharing or turns.

I don't know if they were instantly connected to the point of a deeper understanding. If all my Mom lessons FINALLY paid off and Kinsley just had a REALLY good day or what. But He LOVED my girl because my girl knows that bossy, spoiled, only my way attitudes are swiftly vetoed and not tolerated in my house.

It made me start thinking about the society we live in. The 1.2.3. society. I'll admit, I give my kids a count to think about their decision, most of the time. But, if I get to 3 heaven help you. But even that kind of peeves off my inner thought process. I want to give them time (because we know they are kids and need a moment to think about what will happen if they choose wrong) but at the same time they need to listen to me instantly and without hesitation because I'm their parent. What if they were running for their ball towards the busy road, is there time to count to three for them to possibly listen before they run into traffic? No, listening needs to be instant.

That's where I think other parents (and often myself when I'm feeling lazy) are missing the boat. You're not just raising an entitled child that doesn't share unless they are made to, you're not just raising a brat that has to have their way all the time. You're raising a child that isn't going trust that you're doing these things to keep them out of danger. We are the parents, we are in charge, the world does NOT revolve around the two foot tall humans that demand so much of our time.

I'm not saying you don't do what's best for your child. Nap time is important, special moments are to be taken, choices for pancakes for dinner are to be made on occasion. But on a normal night I decide what to cook, you don't want to eat it? Fine but there will be NOTHING else to eat because I'm not a short order cook and you will not have mac and cheese every.single.night. You will eat the baked chicken, green beans, and rice I made or you will go to bed. If you want to pitch a fit about it then you will go to bed NOW and not later.

I get very tired of hearing the phrase when a child has a meltdown that "They are just tired". Okay, do you act that way when you're tired? If you were at work and very tired do you think your boss would accommodating if you just fell out on the floor screaming because he didn't like your recent proposal, but really you were just tired? No your ass would be fired. So while our children are children, do we want to instill in them that when you're tired you have an automatic excuse to act like a fool? NO because they ARE children and they will then think they can act like that ALL of the time. OR like my four year will do, when they are acting like that and are about to get in trouble they will just tell you "I'm just tired Mommy" like that's supposed to make her behavior acceptable. Nope, sorry you're tired, go to your room and take a nap or go sit in the corner but don't think you're going to act like that for any reason.

So I like to think that since I have these views and expectations for my kids, that is the reason that little boy liked my girl! Because she knows we play what others want to play. She know we share and take turns. That it doesn't matter who's toy it is, it's no ones toy if you can't share it nicely. It could have all been a fluke of a good day and have nothing to do with my parenting. But I love my kids. I love them them deeper and more passionately then I ever thought possible, and for THAT reason, I will haul their behinds over to your child and make they apologize, hug it out, and then go into time out as a reminder that we share, we love, we treat others the way we want to be treated, and you don't... Momma will take care of THAT real quick~!  Follow Me on Pinterest

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Sometimes people just don't even TRY to get it

So Chris and I are under QUITE A BIT of stress right now. Here's what's currently on our plate.

1. Buying a new house and all that goes with that (inspections, loan paperwork, scheduling movers, transferring/scheduling/starting/stopping utilities, etc)
2. Renting out our townhouse and all that goes with that (getting a lease in place, finding renters, getting it "show" ready, scheduling the replacement of carpets, etc)
3. Finishing our basement before we can even hope to have renters move in
4. Parker's birthday (which has been postponed to the beginning of April)
5. Our full time jobs (which Chris is BEYOND stressful and never 8 hours a day... more like 16... hello single Mom and poor stressed hubby)
6. Taking care of our kids (dinner, breakfast, baths, etc and the tantrums OMG)
7. General upkeep of our "normal" lives (the never ending amount of laundry, cleaning (despite how pointless it feels with drywall dust everywhere), paying bills, etc)
8. Finding the kids a new preschool (we're moving counties)
9. Brother-in-law's wedding in April (getting attire, scheduling for the kids, scheduling for me, get a dog sitter, etc)
10. Future sister-in-law's bachelorette party
11. Packing up my whole house
12. Trying to stay on a workout plan/diet plan
13. Dealing with my dogs (sorry right now that's the nicest thing I can say about them... sorry dog "mom's")
14. SNOW (OMG Make it GO AWAY)... this is on my list b/c it's something that I have to deal with almost daily in some way!
15. My Granny is about to pass away
16. Kinsley's dance classes and birthday party invites
17. Knowing that our Sundays are about to shot between Church and then the joining classes for Church in the evenings (and knowing we can't put if off b/c we LOVE our church and these only happen once a year but we also have to schedule childcare for them)

Really most of this is "normal" I guess but the new house, renting out current house, and basement are sending me over the top. We HAVE to get the basement done to rent our current house. We HAVE to get our current house rented to not put ourselves under. Add that stress to the fact that the only decent preschool/daycare out there that feeds into our new school system is more expensive BUT I REALLY want the kids there because Kinsley is digressing at her current preschool from not being challenged.

Basically though my rant isn't about what's on my plate. I put it there and I'll find a way to make it all work. My rant is about people that only see what's on THEIR plate and ignore my plate. I get it, everyone is busy, everyone has stresses, everyone is trying to keep their head above water. But if I can get over myself to help you out... it would be nice to either have you return the favor or in the very least leave me alone. I get everyone doesn't have kids, or dogs, or totally understand moving stress, etc... BUT Oh. My. Lord! TRY!

I feel helpless, often because I know all this ("good") stress is killing  my husband and there's not much I can do to help him because I'm at my wits end too. I hate complaining about this stuff because in the end it's all great stress (Hello new house, Hello kids getting a better school, Hello super awesome wedding coming up) and who wants a to hear a whoa is me story. Kind of like those assholes who are always going on about "OMG I HAVE to go and buy a new dress for this super awesome blah blah blah at the club". Yeah shut it people. I get it. But when people who are supposed to get it and who are supposed to support you don't... it just gets really hard.

Before anyone emails me and starts texting "OMG are you talking about me" STOP! Put the phone down, shut off your computer and just let me rant. This is my space to blow off steam, this is my space to decompress so that I don't decompress on my family. This is not about you this time, this is about me. I love you thank you.

This morning in the middle of my kids meltdowns about "Parker is hurting my feelings" and Parker wants to put his own socks on but then wants my help because he can't do it then gets mad at me because I helped him after he asked me to... and then "OMG I left my bracelets at home" I really almost started crying. I miss my friends. I miss shooting the shit and complaining about our perfectly happy but stressful lives together. I miss sitting down with a glass (okay bottle) of wine and not worrying about okay I can't have too much because then I'll be useless for part of the day tomorrow and I have so much to do! Hell MAYBE I'm tired of being a grownup at this moment!

Okay rant is done. I'm putting on my big girl panties and we're going to get this done. We're closing on the new house in 28 days (unless it's sooner because of potential renters... hello AWESOME but OMG more stress). We're going to get to party like it's 1999 in 51 days. And all will be right with the world. Thanks for letting me rant. If you're reading this and want to help... call me and ask me to meet you for coffee or to come over for wine (you might have to come to me though because the hubs has been crazy busy and often I can't get out of the house... ever). That's what I need. I need to be surrounded by my friends...  not given "well I would really like to but...." That would feed my sole. And if you're my friend and I haven't been the best of friend to YOU lately... I'm deeply sorry! I promise calls, friend dates, SOMETHING is in our future!

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