Monday, December 26, 2011

Part Three: Bumps in the Road

The beginning of our romance, the real romance gets off to a rocky start. Our first Date was amazing, he took me horseback riding. We shared lots of late night talks and cuddles. He was a Divine kisser. But we were just dating. I just got out of a really long, four year, off and on again relationship. I would not be jumping into anything. He was a one girl kind of guy but respected that I still needed time. By the end of our first month of knowing each other it was my birthday. I was going to be in my twenties! But, the ex wanted to visit. He still thought we had a chance and that if I would just SEE him that I would forget about Chris. I was with him for four years so I wasn't ready to completely throw that away forever so I told him okay. Now I had to tell Chris that the ex was coming up for a visit. I wanted to be honest with him and not hide anything. I told him that the ex knew we were dating and that we would still be dating once the ex left. He wasn't so sure. But, that didn't mean he wasn't going to not try!

That Friday when I got home from class there were flowers waiting at my door. Chris had gotten me a birthday bouquet and left it for me as something to remember him by while he was visiting friends back home and I was visiting with the ex. I think I swooned a little! A guy, FIGHTING for ME! This was new~

The ex came and it went as expected. He judged everything and everyone in my life. But the hammer came when he yelled at me in front of my friends when he didn't like that I wasn't paying enough attention to a movie we were watching. I missed a part because I had a few friends walk in to tell me happy birthday and had to ask him what I missed. He promptly got up, sternly told me he would rewind it and that I would pay attention this time. This kind of treatment wasn't new to me, behind doors he often told me I was acting stupid or repulsive if I talked too much or wasn't appalled by something on TV enough. But this time, this time he did it in front of people. And I saw in their eyes hurt, hurt for me because they were beginning to understand the hold he had on me. The emotional hold he controlled me with and I didn't like those looks. I was too independent and confidant now to garner those looks. I was dating a guy that NEVER made me feel like the ex did. I was dating a guy that encouraged me to be my own person. I was not going to take this anymore.

The ex left that day knowing that we were not back together and that our break was in fact a complete breakup and I was not interested in getting back together. Chris returned expecting me to tell him that I got back together with the ex, but instead was pleased to find me running into his arms and laying the biggest kiss I could on him! We snuggled together all night simply content to just lay in each others arms.

That was not the end of the struggles though. That wasn't our actual turning point. That was yet to come. We still only dated each other but we refused to put a title on it. And then, I agreed to go to a Ring formal with the ex at his college. It wasn't something that you just brought any date to, your parents were there, so I felt I had to be there for him. I explained to Chris that it meant nothing to me but I had to be there for him, it was too important. Chris being the laid back, "I refuse to show any jealously", kind of guy he was said that he understood. So that October, over our fall break I went to South Carolina for a ring dance at the Citadel and Chris went to Maryland to visit his friends and family. The weekend in South Carolina was really nice. The ex was a complete gentleman and understood that I was happily dating Chris. And when Sunday rolled around I rolled out. But there was a problem. I missed Chris. I missed him like I hadn't seen him in months rather than days. But, I had to return to Raleigh to waitress and he was in Maryland for the rest of fall break. This sucked. Luckily for me though, there is always someone who wants to pick up your shift at a restaurant! After a few phone calls I had the next few days off! Now, now I had to see if Chris even cared. Maybe he was over this yoyoing, maybe he was visiting another girl up there. Maybe he just had other plans. I called and asked what he was up to, after some small talk I then asked him how to get to Maryland. I told him I was on 95 north and wanted to know how to get to Maryland. He was confused at first but once he realized that I had not, yet again, gotten back together with my ex, because of him, he was ecstatic! I drove for over eight hours and arrived at midnight with a truck that was breaking down to have my Northern Cowboy hugging and kissing me before I could even get my seat belt off. My Mom knew what I was up to, my Dad didn't have a clue until years later.

I was in love.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Guess who is on his way to a nursery!?!?!?

Yep looks like Parker just might end up with a place to lay his head once he's home and has slept in my room for 10 weeks!

The hubs thought i was mental when i told him i wanted horizontal stripes on his wall. I think it was ingenious!

The walls are a very light gray blue with the dark navy blue for the stripes. Once we get everything hung up and in place I'll take more pictures for you! But I just puffy heart this little boys room!

Part Two: getting them straight...

There it was, on my computer, an IM from HIM! HE had IMed me!! HE wanted to hangout. OMG! This was huge! I immediately told Nick to come over for dinner and to bring his roommates (so it wouldn't seem like an actual date) and when I opened my door Chris was standing there. I mean don't get me wrong, he was cute too but he wasn't Nick! So I invited him in and offered him a drink while I finished cooking dinner and we chatted. While I was slightly disappointed I knew it would be short lived because the rest of his roommates were on their way over for dinner and soon Nick would be there. That's when I introduced him to another one of my roommates and he corrected me that HE was in fact Nick, which meant my tall hunk of deliciousness was Chris. Got it. Sort of. I think. I was nervous.

Finally Chris (the real Chris) made his appearance. God he was cute! I think I made spaghetti, not really sure. Either way he stayed and we talked. And this is how the next few weeks progressed. One of us cooking (he would cook his kill, literally, he's a hunter), all of us there, and then he and I talking until six in the morning. There were no passionate kisses, but there was plenty of sexual tension. I really like this guy and I explained my current situation with the high school sweetheart and that even though we were on a break I didn't want anything to happen between us until the sweetheart understood that I WAS in fact dating other people. My cowboy had been hurt in the past and I wanted him to know that he could trust me. So as we would get closer and closer to that first kiss I always backed away telling him it wasn't "legal" yet. Torture!

One day I was about to go to work when I informed him that he HAD to meet me in the common area between our apartment buildings. He came down and asked what was up and I informed him that I made everything very clear to the ex and things were definitely legal now. That's when he slipped his arms around me and gave me the first kiss that promised so many more!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Have I told you how i met the hubs? Part One

See this man:

That's my Northern Cowboy watching me walk down the isle on our wedding day... he's pretty handsome!

This is us right before the reception
Here we are in college
With our first baby:

giving her, her first bottle:

Dedicating her to God:

Keeping her safe:

I mean he's a pretty hot guy right?

Well we've been married 5 years. On October 21, 2006 we said I do to the rest of our lives together.We have been together for 9 years total, here is our story.

Part One: The meeting

It was the beginning of my Junior year in college. I had just moved into my first apartment with three of my girlfriends. I KNEW this was going to be the best year! I was dating my high school sweet heart, but things just weren't going well. They often weren't going well with us. He wanted me to be the shy, quite, and insecure girl that I was when I met him. The girl that NEEDED him in order to feel any confidence about herself. The girl that was willing to be whatever he wanted me to be so then we would be happy together. The day I moved into that apartment he predicted the future. He said, that apartment would be the end of us. He just didn't know how true that statement was and how soon it would happen.

I had a job at Ruby Tuesday's as a waitress to make the rent and other bills I now had as an official renter. I had a full course load AND I had transportation, in the way of a blue Ford pickup truck. I was a grown up! I was also nineteen. Shortly after my move-in, the high school sweetheart and I decided to go on yet another break. We would continue talking but we wouldn't "officially" be together. This time though this decision was mine, and I liked it! I liked my freedom finally! I could handle my freedom finally, it didn't scare me. I realized I didn't need HIM to make me feel okay.

Over Labor Day weekend one of my roommates, Lyndsey, and I were studying together to help her become a waitress at Ruby Tuesday's with me, very serious stuff. AND we MIGHT have begun to "reward" ourselves with a shot of tequila with each page finished. We were working hard after all! Around midnight we decided we had enough studying and that a walk to the mailbox was in order. We walked and giggled our way out of our apartment and turned the corner to see two guys sitting outside one of our neighbors apartments. That's when I saw HIM. Cowboy. He was sitting there wearing kaiki pants, a blue polo, white undershirt, blue baseball hat, and tennis shoes. He was hot. He looked tall, from what I could tell of all of him folded into the camping chair. Tall was good! Tall was what I liked, made me feel small. Lyndsey and I continued on our way to our very important task of getting them mail when his friend asked if we were in a certain sorority (technically a women's fraternity, details, boring, moving on), which we were and which freaked us out because we were NOT supposed to be drinking in our letters! No problem, we were in our brother fraternity shirts. We smiled, said yes and skipped on our way.

We were very aware these guys were watching us so we did the only graceful thing we could have done and climbed over a wall, fell into the mud, and went and checked our mail. I think it was empty. When we returned his friend asked us to come out and drink with them so we obliged. This part is a little fuzzy to me, thanks to Jose` and a few parts of it will remain blurry to protect the innocent (Lyndsey), the point is, I knew I liked HIM! I wasn't able to keep their names straight. I was pretty sure the tall one was Nick and the short one was Chris and we exchanged IM names with them and called it a night.

And as I willed my walls to stop spinning that night I willed him to IM me. Because that's how people do it when they are in college!

to be continued...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What's on my mind

I have pictures to share (Parker's room, Work's holiday party, Kinsley not too happy with Santa) but ALL i can think about is getting to give birth and then lose weight and THEN try to dress in something other than too tight clothes, too frumpy clothes, or yoga pants ALL the time. I dream of working out and being that slim put together Mom where I throw on some designer jeans (that i've never owned) a t-shirt, scarf and bangles and looking like the Mom all other mom's envy. I'm DYING for that. To the point where i've almost considered not breast feeding so i wouldn't have to worry about my supply, just worry about loosing weight. See you can't be TOO drastic with weight loss if you're going to breast feed. WHICH i know for weight loss in the long run you shouldn't be drastic anyway... BUT OMG!!! I just want to get my body back. Not my prebaby body, because that body needed A LOT of work too. I want to get my slim, I don't feel like i have to suck it in at all times body back.

Right now I'm at 192. Before pregnancy i was at 172. Between K and this pregnancy I was often at 165. Before K i was 165. Wedding time i was around 145. I want to be 135. Yep, there's my number, that's where i want to be after this baby is born. By February 2013 I want to be 135. That's it. The end. I know i CAN do it, but will I? Will i put in the work to actually do it? lets say after Parker is born I get back down to 175 fairly easy like I did with Kinsley. That would be 40 lbs in one year to loose. BUT i want to breastfeed for a year so i can't drop it like it's hot or else i won't be able to breast feed.

UH! See, I still have 2 months to go and this is all i can think about! I want to start NOW! This pregnancy (as happy as i am about getting to meet Parker and love him and hold him and every) is making me sort of depressed. Maybe because I feel like a whale that can't keep up with Kinsley, can't bend down, and I get out of breath going up the stairs... but let me be honest, I was out of breath going up the stairs PRE-pregnancy.

I just want a MOM that has lost the weight, WHILE breast feeding, WHILE working full time, to help me along the way... I want a personal trainer without the fees, since with two kids in daycare i won't be able to pay the fees.

AND THEN, i want to be on What Not to Wear so they can buy me all the clothes i need! What do you want for Christmas? lol

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Merry Christmas!

We FINALLY got our tree and decorated it! And here's Kinsley putting on her very first ornament!
Yea that's a 29 week belly she's resting on! HUGE!

Kinsley LOVES the tree and the lights all over the house. She comes home every day asking to turn it all on! I can't wait to see how she'll flip out with Santa! It probably won't be as "happy", lol.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Oh she's got it going on!

Last weekend, before the stomach bug of doom hit us, we attended one of Kinsley's good friends birthday parties (and proceeded to pass along the sickness we didn't yet know she carried). She was given an ADORABLE tutu skirt for her birthday and I didn't know where she would wear it, until i realized it's PERFECT for a party! And she LOVED it! She kept telling me that she was a princess! LOL! I think she's right!

Kinsley keeps surprising us every day with her language and words. Not just the massive amount of words she has (completely uncountable now) but her skill at putting together sentences! She can process questions and answer them with accurate answers that aren't repetitive. I'm so proud of her!

She's also a champion (most of the time) sharer! My heart just beams when i see her with her friends being nice and considerate! She also has a love for reading TO US. Now while she can't read the words she has many stories memorized and can actually tell you what is happening on each page like she's reading it!

Another love of hers? Singing. She can sing her entire alphabet, most of twinkle twinkle (she hits all the high lights), Itsey Bitsey Spider, The wheels on the bus, and now Jingle Bells! Here's her Jingle Bells:

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, HEY! Jingle Bells...etc

Silly girl!

At her 2 year appointment she weighed in at 26lbs even (40%) was 36" tall (93%) and off the charts in her development (talking, communication, physical control, etc). I hate it that she's growing so fast but i have to say, I'm pretty darn proud!

Friday, December 16, 2011

WHOA where did we go? She's two now!

Well Kinsley turned two, then there was a shingles out break at my work so that week was completely disrupted. This week has been disrupted by the "possible government shutdown", which means extra work for me. I just haven't been feeling great because Parker is still on the exit path, despite being 30 weeks today! OH Parker!

BUT Kinsley had a FANTASTIC birthday and party! She was showered with love and gifts from family and friends and I couldn't have wished for it to turn out better!

My parents come over Saturday morning and brought one of her birthday gifts with them...
They gave her a doll beauty parlor chair because some of her dolls resemble Chucky with their hair! Here she's asking Sasha to "open peeese"

The after a few errands and a nap we were off to Romp n Roll for her birthday party! Um this place is awesome!

Her little friend Reece takes classes here so she knows the drill, Kinsley decided to sit back and take it in.

But once the curtain opened she was READY!

HAD to put this blurry shot of her friend Cole in since he looks so professional with his jump shot!

With one of her BFF's Reece shaking her Shakers! Egg shakers people, gezzz where are your minds?

For love of the bounce house! number 230948230948 I had her party here

A future boyfriend showing off his mad skills

These two little cuties couldn't do a lot but they looked cute doing what they did! Future BFFs??

Kinsley did a lot of this sitting and taking it in. She loved everything and had fun but she LOVES to watch too!

But the bubble dance time got her going!

After around an hour they took us to the party room which was decorated with the puppy decorations that I brought and other things they provided.

She actually did blow out her own candle!

Kinsley had two cupcakes, only the icing from both. Whatever, it's her birthday she can be on an insane sugar high if she wants to!

I might have joined her, Parker MADE me!

Then we went home to eat burgers and hot dogs and open her gifts. She's REALLY good at this! I anticipate Christmas will be awesome for her!

It was an amazing day and it continued into the weekend. The next day (her actually birthday) my BFFs threw me a baby shower for Parker and we continued to shower K with love.

I can't believe she's TWO!!!!

Friday, December 2, 2011

28wks, third tri!

How far along? 28 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 20+/- pounds
Maternity clothes? duh
Sleep: My lack of sleep has little to do with this beast and more so with his possessed sister...
Best moment this week: making it through the week??
Movement: Yeah he parties around... and shoves his head a low as possible to move bones...
Food cravings: I could live off cereal. really... or spaghetti!
Gender: Boy
Labor Signs: Depends, moving bones in preparation for labor count?
Belly Button in or out? Still in.
Stretch marks? I have battle scares not stretch marks
What I miss: LAYing on my belly... having a crotch that doesn't hurt!
What I am looking forward to: Parker's baby shower on Sunday!
Weekly Wisdom: I have no wisdom, i'm too tired for it.
Milestones: Parker has moved bones. I've been having TERRIBLE pain and had a doctors appointment anyway this week so I asked what was up and why when there weren't shooting pains did i feel like i rode a horse cross country... it's because he's moving the pelvic bones in my vagina for labor. Honestly child!?!?

Productive people piss me off.

I read a few do-it-yourself blogs in hopes that i will one day get my act together and lavish my home in amazing creations that I created for little to no money. The problem with this plan is I have to actually DO something to make it happen. I'm a real wiz a running through the isle at Target and grabbing something that will make my table sparkle, but creating that sparkle myself? Not so much my forte anymore.

I can sew and bake, I can cross stitch and paint. I'm handy with tools and fixing stuff. But where do these crazy people find time to do all this crap? I mean they can't work right? Not that staying home with your kids isn't working but seriously... they can't work right? Maybe they have a nanny while they stay home and do crafts? And if they can afford a nanny why in the hell would they waste their time doing craft projects when they can pay someone to do it for them and make it LOOK like they did it?

So last night I went to bed early, with my pelvic bone moving son, when my daughter decides to wake up screaming thirty minutes after i fall asleep and she's making it known to the neighborhood that ONLY Mommy will do. finally i go back to sleep.

At 11:30 it's a repeat. Except me sitting there and soothing her is NOT doing it. Now she's screaming for water, i get water. then i gets medicine because NOTHING is helping this child calm down. I rock her, tell her it's okay, wondering what the hell kind of boogy man snuck into her room and scared the hell out of her while taking her passy away (because i can't find that bitch ANYWHERE). Even after water, another passy, and medicine (which she loves like a good addict) it still took FOREVER to get her settled down and asleep. Once i laid back down it only took twenty minutes for her to freak out again.

Finally I told the hubs to just bring her into our bed, she was immediately fine. WHAT THE HELL IS IN HER ROOM!?!? At around 3:30, after dealing with feet in my back from my helicopter daughter I took her back to her bed. She cried, I soothed, FINALLY she slept. Until 5:28am (seriously, 2 minutes before i have to get up?!?!? WTF!) I make her go back to sleep and got in the shower. BUT apparently she didn't go back to sleep, because when i get out of the shower her little demon head is proped on Cowboys pillow watching Elmo.

I asked her what was wrong last night and she said BooBoo. I asked her where the booboo was (maybe her ear? that would explain a lot)... she looks around, searching for it and then looks at her knee and says "there it is!"... yea no booboo.

I'm the booboo, boob, walking freakin zombie, that has a thirty-one party tonight to give, a birthday party tomorrow to throw and a baby shower (for the pelvic bone moving sibling in my tummy) to attend this weekend. I also have family and friends coming into town. I hurt, I'm tired, I can't walk, I just want to cry... and yet, YET all i can think about is all the damn crafts i want to do to make my home seem homier.

Damn productive people!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

"Well, I would tell you to rest but that's not going to happen"

That was my doctors advice this morning.

I went in for my delicious Glucose test and took that thing down like a good shot. It wasn't a good shot and it was much larger than a shot, but I would have made the hubs proud!

They take me back eventually and ask how things are going, so I describe in as much detail as I can that my vagina is ripping open and I have stabbing pains come through my coochie-coo and when that's not happening I'm so sore from said pains that i feel bruised like I've been riding a horse cross-country.

So they "take a look". Yea you know what THAT means. They checked for varicose veins (did you know you could get those in there? I didn't and wish I still didn't), none. Checked for dilatation, none. Then he does this thing where he pushes in certain areas and I do this thing where I scream and try not to kick him. And he's all like "Yep that's it!" and then he does it again and I try not to sumoplex him and he says "well lets not do that again" and he proceeds to tell me that Parker is moving my pelvic bones in preparation for labor. NOT that labor is soon, he's just getting things ready by placing his head as deep into my crotch as possible (maybe he's cold? shy?) and that's moving bones. AND as a result from all of this irritation I have swelling that is making me feel bruised. The.End.

So since i can't take it easy (thank you Kinsley) I get to take Tylenol. And be in pain. Great.

What is it with my kids and wanting to hurt me and break bones? It's like he's trying to compete with his sister's moving of my tailbone. Sibling rivalry already? Great...