You know when you're heart breaks...

So Parker is my sick child. He's not wimpy, lethargic sick. He's the "I'm going to ransack your house and make you wonder how in the world I can do that while having pneumonia" sick. Baffles me.

He's always been sick. He got a 101.... something or other fever before he was 6 weeks old... into the hospital we went because they don't play with tiny babies. He was fine, just a cold. He got so many ear aches he got tubes. He's had pneumonia and other lung illnesses we got our own nebulizer.

He has something going on again. They are certain it's a sinus infection and pneumonia could be a byproduct of that since there's so many crackles in his chest, can't be certain unless you do a chest x-ray but they are going to treat it the same regardless of the x-ray so why submit him to unnecessary radiation?

I'm a though parent, I don't cry when my kids gets shots because I know it's for their own good and they will be okay. But it BREAKS my heart and spirit to see my VERY rambunctious two year old sit calmly through breathing treatments, stick his finger out knowingly for oxygen level test, turn his head for ear checks without even a hesitation because all of that is his norm. THIS SHOULD NOT BE HIS NORM!

Don't get me wrong, Parker has always had a very... understanding? personality. You could "reason" with him from a young age, so it's normal for him to accept his circumstances without big fanfare. Not timeouts or anything super crazy, but waiting to get to do something, having to go to the doctor, yep he's cool.

But my heart is breaking. He's always been sick on some level, and we just go with it. It doesn't slow us down anymore. We travel with the nebulizer just in case. I know we're blessed because it could be worse, but it breaks my heart to know my child thinks this is normal.

As for me and my house, we serve the Lord.

To some of you it may come as a complete shock that I'm a Christian, to others you knew, to yet others you assumed. I really want everyone to KNOW.

I love the internet and Blogs, I learn a lot of great stuff (cooking, kid activities, etc) but I also get inspired. I read this post Why I Would Never Force My Kids to Go to Church and I was inspired.

I grew up in the church. The Southern Baptist Church! We weren't a holy rocking church but a "you'll go to hell" kind of church. We went every Sunday for church and Sunday school and every Wednesday for dinner and activities. I went to church camps and vacation bible school and mission trips. There was no question about IF we were going... because we WERE going. Just like there's no question of "Are we going to school today" "are we brushing our teeth today" It was something that just happened on the regular in my family. And most of the time I was okay with that. Sure I had a few rebel years, so since I knew there was no getting out of it I wore JEANS to church, much to my Dad's mortification! lol Now that's the norm at churches~

Well as some, or many do, I strayed from the folds of my church. I moved states, away from my church home base. Married a Catholic so we were confused about what we should be as a family. I got busy. Too busy. Through all of this I always felt like something was missing and that I was lost. The hubs and I tired out different churches, even settled at a few for a while. But none were our glue. We were too busy or tired. We had a laundry list of excuses.

About a year ago we started going to a Lutheran church. REALLY amazing mix of his Catholic traditions and yet it wasn't Catholic so I was more comfortable (not to knock Catholics but come on people I grew up Baptist!")! We felt like it was OUR church, not his, not mine but OURS.

This pressing need to find OUR church was pushing to the front of our lives because of our children. Kinsley was leading our dinner prayers on the regular and we knew we didn't want her and Parker to not get the foundation we grew up with, not to mention WE NEEDED it ourselves. My kids LOVE church, I mean sure right now it's mostly nursery time and playing and doing arts and crafts with other kids but they love the music, they love the people and My FOUR YEAR OLD can tell you on a very basic level about Ash Wednesday! From the mouths of babes people!

I've not always been the best example of a Christian, some might even question if I am one. I make mistakes, I get caught up, I throw out a curse word here and there. But I never claimed to be perfect and I will never be perfect, and that's okay because of God's grace. Christianity isn't about perfection, it's about admitting your imperfections and loving others through their imperfections, and praying and trying to change! We aren't at church on the regular yet, my kids will ask on Sunday if we are going (hopeful that we are) because they don't know if we are. But this Sunday will  be the last Sunday in a six week class that the Hubs and I are in so that we can become members of our church, together (that just brought tears to my eyes)!

My kids will be raised in the church. They will not question why, because my four year old can already tell you. "Jesus loves you and he lives in our hearts and outside too all at the same time". Knowing that is as essential as school, dance, soccer, eating fruits and veggies, etc. Even more essential because Jesus is the breath of life, the fruit of the vine, the air I breath.

We are slowly trying to turn our Sundays into family days, no birthday parties, no commitments. It's not easy and we do make exceptions, but Sunday is slowly becoming about what it should be. A time to slow down and remind ourselves that our house serves the Lord and he is why we have this amazing family! Lucky for us our friends are considered our family too!

I'm not perfect, but I will make sure my kids have every chance that my parents gave me! There will come a time where they don't question it. There will come a time where I will get up on a Sunday just like I do on a Monday. I pray there will come a time where YOU will know who I am and what I stand for, and my prayer is that you will be there right beside me. My prayer is that others will stop making Christians feel so uncomfortable for being a Christian. That I my kids won't feel like they can't pray at school or where ever they are. That teachers and other leaders can live their beliefs without worrying about persecution. My parents gave me this AMAZING foundation because going to church and loving the Lord wasn't a question in my house; now it's up to me to USE that foundation, will you let me?

Maybe I'm doing something right?

I had a nice little moment this weekend (You like how I'm completely ignoring the fact that it's been forever since my last post huh?).

So despite all we have going on with moving into a new house, still trying to get the old house ready for renters or buyers, church, cyst lacerations, wedding preparations and life in general I went and saw a movie with a friend! To make this movie possible the hubs had to take care of the kids, alone. So what did he do? He did what we Mom's do, joined others in the same boat to make it bearable. He and a few of his Dad friends (and non-Dad friends, but all men) all got together with their kids while the Mom's played. There were 7 kids between the ages of 11 years down to 3 months! There were 5 guys. Awesome right!

Well they all survived and were happy and healthy. But here's the cool thing. Kinsley is four and the other kid there that was her age was a little boy. He doesn't like girls. The girls he knows are all whiny, bossy, mean little things. Basically typical girls (so I'm told). They don't like to share with him, they don't want to give him a turn, and they want him to only play what they want to play. But you know what? He LOVED my girl! They played together all day and WAY into the night and never had one issue! Not one fight. My dramatic little girl never had one meltdown about sharing or turns.

I don't know if they were instantly connected to the point of a deeper understanding. If all my Mom lessons FINALLY paid off and Kinsley just had a REALLY good day or what. But He LOVED my girl because my girl knows that bossy, spoiled, only my way attitudes are swiftly vetoed and not tolerated in my house.

It made me start thinking about the society we live in. The 1.2.3. society. I'll admit, I give my kids a count to think about their decision, most of the time. But, if I get to 3 heaven help you. But even that kind of peeves off my inner thought process. I want to give them time (because we know they are kids and need a moment to think about what will happen if they choose wrong) but at the same time they need to listen to me instantly and without hesitation because I'm their parent. What if they were running for their ball towards the busy road, is there time to count to three for them to possibly listen before they run into traffic? No, listening needs to be instant.

That's where I think other parents (and often myself when I'm feeling lazy) are missing the boat. You're not just raising an entitled child that doesn't share unless they are made to, you're not just raising a brat that has to have their way all the time. You're raising a child that isn't going trust that you're doing these things to keep them out of danger. We are the parents, we are in charge, the world does NOT revolve around the two foot tall humans that demand so much of our time.

I'm not saying you don't do what's best for your child. Nap time is important, special moments are to be taken, choices for pancakes for dinner are to be made on occasion. But on a normal night I decide what to cook, you don't want to eat it? Fine but there will be NOTHING else to eat because I'm not a short order cook and you will not have mac and cheese every.single.night. You will eat the baked chicken, green beans, and rice I made or you will go to bed. If you want to pitch a fit about it then you will go to bed NOW and not later.

I get very tired of hearing the phrase when a child has a meltdown that "They are just tired". Okay, do you act that way when you're tired? If you were at work and very tired do you think your boss would accommodating if you just fell out on the floor screaming because he didn't like your recent proposal, but really you were just tired? No your ass would be fired. So while our children are children, do we want to instill in them that when you're tired you have an automatic excuse to act like a fool? NO because they ARE children and they will then think they can act like that ALL of the time. OR like my four year will do, when they are acting like that and are about to get in trouble they will just tell you "I'm just tired Mommy" like that's supposed to make her behavior acceptable. Nope, sorry you're tired, go to your room and take a nap or go sit in the corner but don't think you're going to act like that for any reason.

So I like to think that since I have these views and expectations for my kids, that is the reason that little boy liked my girl! Because she knows we play what others want to play. She know we share and take turns. That it doesn't matter who's toy it is, it's no ones toy if you can't share it nicely. It could have all been a fluke of a good day and have nothing to do with my parenting. But I love my kids. I love them them deeper and more passionately then I ever thought possible, and for THAT reason, I will haul their behinds over to your child and make they apologize, hug it out, and then go into time out as a reminder that we share, we love, we treat others the way we want to be treated, and you don't... Momma will take care of THAT real quick~!