I had a nice little moment this weekend (You like how I'm completely ignoring the fact that it's been forever since my last post huh?).
So despite all we have going on with moving into a new house, still trying to get the old house ready for renters or buyers, church, cyst lacerations, wedding preparations and life in general I went and saw a movie with a friend! To make this movie possible the hubs had to take care of the kids, alone. So what did he do? He did what we Mom's do, joined others in the same boat to make it bearable. He and a few of his Dad friends (and non-Dad friends, but all men) all got together with their kids while the Mom's played. There were 7 kids between the ages of 11 years down to 3 months! There were 5 guys. Awesome right!
Well they all survived and were happy and healthy. But here's the cool thing. Kinsley is four and the other kid there that was her age was a little boy. He doesn't like girls. The girls he knows are all whiny, bossy, mean little things. Basically typical girls (so I'm told). They don't like to share with him, they don't want to give him a turn, and they want him to only play what they want to play. But you know what? He LOVED my girl! They played together all day and WAY into the night and never had one issue! Not one fight. My dramatic little girl never had one meltdown about sharing or turns.
I don't know if they were instantly connected to the point of a deeper understanding. If all my Mom lessons FINALLY paid off and Kinsley just had a REALLY good day or what. But He LOVED my girl because my girl knows that bossy, spoiled, only my way attitudes are swiftly vetoed and not tolerated in my house.
It made me start thinking about the society we live in. The 1.2.3. society. I'll admit, I give my kids a count to think about their decision, most of the time. But, if I get to 3 heaven help you. But even that kind of peeves off my inner thought process. I want to give them time (because we know they are kids and need a moment to think about what will happen if they choose wrong) but at the same time they need to listen to me instantly and without hesitation because I'm their parent. What if they were running for their ball towards the busy road, is there time to count to three for them to possibly listen before they run into traffic? No, listening needs to be instant.
That's where I think other parents (and often myself when I'm feeling lazy) are missing the boat. You're not just raising an entitled child that doesn't share unless they are made to, you're not just raising a brat that has to have their way all the time. You're raising a child that isn't going trust that you're doing these things to keep them out of danger. We are the parents, we are in charge, the world does NOT revolve around the two foot tall humans that demand so much of our time.
I'm not saying you don't do what's best for your child. Nap time is important, special moments are to be taken, choices for pancakes for dinner are to be made on occasion. But on a normal night I decide what to cook, you don't want to eat it? Fine but there will be NOTHING else to eat because I'm not a short order cook and you will not have mac and cheese every.single.night. You will eat the baked chicken, green beans, and rice I made or you will go to bed. If you want to pitch a fit about it then you will go to bed NOW and not later.
I get very tired of hearing the phrase when a child has a meltdown that "They are just tired". Okay, do you act that way when you're tired? If you were at work and very tired do you think your boss would accommodating if you just fell out on the floor screaming because he didn't like your recent proposal, but really you were just tired? No your ass would be fired. So while our children are children, do we want to instill in them that when you're tired you have an automatic excuse to act like a fool? NO because they ARE children and they will then think they can act like that ALL of the time. OR like my four year will do, when they are acting like that and are about to get in trouble they will just tell you "I'm just tired Mommy" like that's supposed to make her behavior acceptable. Nope, sorry you're tired, go to your room and take a nap or go sit in the corner but don't think you're going to act like that for any reason.
So I like to think that since I have these views and expectations for my kids, that is the reason that little boy liked my girl! Because she knows we play what others want to play. She know we share and take turns. That it doesn't matter who's toy it is, it's no ones toy if you can't share it nicely. It could have all been a fluke of a good day and have nothing to do with my parenting. But I love my kids. I love them them deeper and more passionately then I ever thought possible, and for THAT reason, I will haul their behinds over to your child and make they apologize, hug it out, and then go into time out as a reminder that we share, we love, we treat others the way we want to be treated, and you don't... Momma will take care of THAT real quick~!