Monday, February 23, 2015

Have you ever wondered how you got to where you are?

When I met my husband I was 125lbs dripping wet. When we got married I was 145lbs. When I had each of my kids I was 165. I'm now 185. How does this happen? How does one gain 60lbs in 12 years!?~ I know life happens, bodies change, blah blah blah. but HOW?!?!

Want to know how it happens? By giving up? I've given up. I've had great friends along the way that have tried to support me, motivate me, uplift me, but I am not motivated. I am lazy and tired. I don't want to put in the work. I want a magic pill or a magic to workout to take me back to my wedding weight (at least) without me putting forth any effort. Sound familiar? I've had approx. 435,211 "Monday's"... you know that day where "I'm starting over today"!

I hate it when I hear people say "do it for yourself", well to do it for myself I'll have to wake up at 4:45 in the morning, I would rather treat myself to more sleep! I don't know, maybe one day down the road I'll feel differently but I HATE working out. I hate getting ready for it, doing it, dealing with the sweat after it. I  hate having to prepare my food. I use to love cooking, but that was before I had 2 little invaders that are ALWAYS hungry and ALWAYS want what I'm not making. Oh and they WANT IT NOW! I don't have time to take as much time as I want to put together something amazing and healthy. If I want healthy I feel like it has to be chicken or salad every night. Yum. (bleh).

But now I FEEL like I'm at a cross roads. I FEEL like I'm passing this outlook onto my kids without meaning to. Oh you want a snack, go to the sugar filled snack cabinet and munch away, but still be hungry for dinner please. I try to limit the snacks but they are like me, needing instant gratification. How do you change that?

I'm so over starting over. I'm so over hating myself. But mostly, I'm so over rubbing off onto my kids. I don't know if this is me "starting over" or venting... but I just need to get my thoughts out before they consume me. I KNOW all the right choices to make. I KNOW how to workout, how to eat how to everything, but the thought of meal planning makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. The thought of getting up before 530 makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs. But I know I need to. I know my kids need to see me do it. I need to do it so I actually have energy FOR my kids.

Uh being a Mom and a human is hard...
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