Thursday, April 25, 2013

BOOM and Mom slides in for the win

So Kinsley has Monkeys in her ears. For those of you who are not sophisticated enough to know what the hell I'm talking about, it's an ear infection. Doctors think they are funny and cute to tell toddlers that there's some crazy animal in their ear jumping around and that's why it hurts.

It's actually funny, since my 3 year old called me at work after her doctor's appointment and explains to me in the most huffy and annoyed voice "Mom, I have MONKEYS in my EAR!". I'll admit it, I laughed. Then she told me she was going to get to take bubble gum medicine. Now, I knew that we hadn't had the best of luck with Medicine lately, meaning my child would wake up from a dead sleep if I came near her with a sereng of medicine. I went through four f'ing homeopathic brands of cough medicine because "she didn't like taste" HOPING i would find the one she wouldn't spit back onto me. $40 later, I still hold her down and shoot it into her mouth wishing i could throw it in a needle for her arm.

So that evening we do our thing to get ready for bed and now it's time for the meds!! YEA!

Lets just say after multiple rows and me getting it spit on me, we ended up with me sitting on her (i mean I didn't put my full weight on her she could breathe so she could swallow) so that her arms and legs were pinned and I was shoving the medicine down the side of her cheek only to have her then gag and vomit all over her hair and me. F'ing awesome...

So part of me starts to feel bad for shoving something so vile as MEDICINE down her sweet little throat that I start bargaining with her. Yep, I just stepped over to the dark side. I promise her a new Ariel dress if she'll take her medicine from now on and Grandma (not to be out done) promises to buy her something too. A damn car most likely.

So the morning comes around and it's time to do this shit, again. Just has to take her medicine like a big girl then get a lot of shit bought for her. Yea, i think I got punched in the jaw. No seriously. So in a moment of desperation since we were running late... again... I said "if you will take you medicine I'll give you fruit snacks". For those of you who don't know, fruit snacks are the holy grail of toddler crack and she NEVER gets them in the mornings. HUGE!

The kids stops crying cold turkey, takes her medicine without even a grimace or face and then hops up to pick out her clothes.

OH HELL NO! She just started war!

I picked that little priss pot up later that day and gave her a hug and as I squeezed her close I told her she was going to her room. "Kinsley, you're going to your room when you get home because you behaved like a possessed pile of shit badly this morning when you needed to take your medicine and you made Mommy want to claw your eyes out and call child services sad, so until you can take your medicine like a normal good girl, you will stay in your room". She eyed me with the look of a well trained Harvard Law graduate and stated "Mommy, I want to take my medicine after dinner", But I was on to her! I was READY for her manipulation, so I told her "OKay, you can have it after dinner, but you'll be eating dinner in your room because you will be sitting in your room until you take your medicine" My future hostage negotiator stated "she would take a little" so i smacked that smile off her face with a "OKay you can take a little but you'll sit in your room until you take it all"

BOOYA! Take that toddler! BAM! Didn't see that coming did ya?!?!

Do you know what happened next? She drank it right down WITHOUT a face or concern and then had the nerve to ask for fruit snacks.

HELL TO THE NO! You bit your friend at school today too little thang so take your medicine spiting arm biting 3 year old little ass to the table now and color an "I'm sorry picture" for your friend.

WHAM! Momma sliding in for the win!

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