So I have a two year old and a four year old. Okay I have a 2 year and 1 month old and a 4 year and 4 month old. I think the months mean something at this age people!
My son (the 2 year 1 month old) has hit the terrible twos. He is gracing our presence with spectacular displays of tantrums. And he likes to pair his tantrums with words that you cannot understand. Yep Welcome to two! Last night for example he is going to bed and he keeps walking out of his room because he knows I'm in his sisters room trying to be productive (Toddler mission 101: NEVER let the parents be productive). First time he's upset about his nose running (because he won't stop crying!), wipe it go back to bed. Then a series of escapes happen and I'm not sure why because I CANNOT understand a damn thing coming out of his little mouth. Now normally Kinsley can translate but even she was at a loss.
I tried rubbing his back, holding him, ANYTHING and he keeps doing this scratching shit on his chest saying some gibberish that I don't get. You know what I finally figured out? He was hungry, because his Toddler pickiness (Toddler Mission 102: NEVER eat anything they give you) hit at dinner and he didn't eat his dinner. So I threw some muffins at him and closed (okay locked, NO MORE LEAVING) the door and sent the dog in to clean up THAT catastrophe this morning.
Now you might remember I have a 4 year 4 month old too. This kid is BLOWING MY MIND right now. Like pooof there it goes. She's completely changed the game. I actually miss her tantrums sometimes because I knew what to do with those, lock her in her room! Now this kid is crafty. Like hire her to take over the world crafty.
She goes from laughing about how her brother is the best in the world because he picked a show she likes "OOOH Parker you're the best ever! And we have the best Mommy ever" enter rainbows and suns dancing..., to convincing others to do her dirty deeds so she can sit on the couch like she did nothing at all.
Example: Her boyfriend was over the other night. He's the most well mannered child I have ever met. He is good, says Yes Mame without being reminded and is shy. Do you know what he did just randomly for the first time ever in his life? Colored with a marker ALL OVER Parker's walls. Now, do you think he magically thought to do this himself? HELL NO! Because he did it with a Barbie marker! My daughter talked him into it! 100% POSITIVE about this. And it wasn't just a little "Hey friend you should color on the walls" tempt, oh no that is soo beneath her! It was an elaborate "my brother is scared to sleep in here so we should draw things all over the walls to keep him safe and happy at night"! So she convinced this kid that he was actually helping and doing GOOD by drawing ALL OVER the walls. And then do you know what happened? She came and told me she didn't do it! And she didn't! *OMG Head to desk*. Don't worry she still got in trouble, because I KNOW, OOOOOH I know!
So this is what we're up against people. Stay strong, stick together, and drink wine!