No one tells you that there will be days where you sit and cry about everything you have to do. Or perhaps you don't cry, you just sit there staring at the wall or your phone knowing you should be switching the laundry or cleaning the kitchen, yet you can't pull yourself from doing nothing. You are so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that need to get done you're paralyzed to do any of them. Sure you would feel better if you just got one thing off your list, but that list would still be full, it will ALWAYS be full.
Yesterday my son was sick, minor sick. Sick enough I had to stay home with him, but not so sick that I was cleaning up vomit. I had to take off from work (add that to the list of things I'm behind on), but figured I could still be productive. I organized my kitchen. I got so sick of seeing just stuff everywhere that I finally organized it. I went through cabinets and threw out expired spices and old Tupperware. I made a pile of donation items, like the 394,291 cups we seem to accumulate. I even wiped off the front of most of the cabinets and cleaned the counter tops. But as a Mom, do you know what I saw? The floors that I didn't touch, the drinks that still have no where to go, the lunch boxes on the counter, and then I turned around and saw the rest of the house. At this point I wanted to sit down and drink wine. But, I didn't, I did laundry! I put away laundry in my kid's rooms. But you know what I saw, two more rooms that are in need of purging, another laundry basket of sheets, despite doing 3 laundry baskets of linens the day before.
I get kids are messy, I get we're a busy family, but why can't I ever have or keep that feeling of accomplishment? I feel like I need to take time away from work to even get close but at the same time I want to give up because I know it will last for a day, MAYBE a week if I'm super lucky.
All the pressure from Facebook and Pintrest doesn't help. Here's a list to help you keep on top of things, yet that list often is for stay at home Moms or for a Mom that isn't super busy, or better yet a Mom who doesn't sleep. I often wonder if I should just forgo sleep to stay on top of things.
I have two happy (most of the time) kids. I feed my family, I take them on fun adventures, I try to make sure they have clean clothes (even if they are digging in the laundry room for that days outfit). I try to keep the dust bunnies and dirty dishes to a minimum. But I feel like a failure. You go to your spouse to vent and they tell you that you're over committed and you need to not do so much. But all you hear (even though they don't mean it this way) is "don't hang out with your friends or don't do anything fun, instead stay home and clean". Yes, there is a bit of adulting to do and you must stay home and clean sometimes, but you know it would have to be all the time in order to stay on top of it.
I can't stay home all the time, I need people, people are my life source. Well them and church. I can't stop bible study, I need those ladies and the clarity they give me through the Word. I can't stop PTA, there's only like 10 of us anyway so if I don't do it who will? I like being connected to the school, since I work full time and can't be more of a presence. I can't stop camping, we're making memories and we spent a lot of money on this camper, we need to get our value!
BUT now I'm failing family. I'm not spending enough time with them. My parents moved up here to be with me, not never see me. My Mother-in-law LIVES to take care of us, not be pushed off until who knows when. It's hard. It's a struggle. It's overwhelming.