Thursday, September 27, 2012
Just a photo fail today...
That me... at work... needing a do-over. I want a do-over on my outfit choice for the day... I want a do -over in my hair for the day... I want a do-over in everything i put in my mouth today (cake, sub, pizza, candy bars, blah blah blah), I want a do-over in shopping over working out at lunch today. I want a do-over!
My I'M GOING TO START ON ME TODAY post turned out to be a load of shit. I did drink my smoothie all week so i think that's helping my energy a little, not a lot.
Here's what I HATE about pictures of me... My freaking head is so small and my boobs are so big that my back and shoulders are so big to support them and it all just looks weird. I mean how did this body happen? BLAH!
It doesn't help that i can't find a nursing bra that fits me and is comfortable to save my life, but hey only 5 more months of that right? I HATE my arms and if i were to turn sideways you would see that they are a wide as my body. I HATE my body, I HATE my teenage acne face, and what I hate even more is I'm scared I'll put these image issues onto my daughter.
I read blog after blog after blog of women who just got tired of looking and feeling like shit and they have fixed their shit... I on the other hand am right there with them but have no dedication. I'm so quick to cheat or give up or whatever. I need CONSTANT accountability by someone who will look at me when I tell them that my PawPaw died yesterday (he did) and say "I'm sorry for your loss now put down that comfort pizza and get your ass into the gym... him dying has NOTHING to do with you eating and treating your body like shit". Instead I'm surrounded by people who tell me they will work out with me tomorrow (it's always tomorrow), or we'll start weighting next month, blah blah.... and then I smack my acne ridden forehead and hate myself for needing to depend on others to make myself happy. But I don't know how to make myself happy because I'm not truly happy unless other are happy with me. I'm a pleaser.
I really don't want to hate myself anymore. I need a plan. I DO need support. I need someone to tell me what to do until I can do it myself. This is my cry for help.
Posted by breedwoman