Breedwoman doesn't need a timeout she needs to lose a toddler. And this is where it's going to have to begin. You might remember that I started operation sexy dress back around thanksgiving... well sexy dress got returned. I exchanged it at the 11th hour for a very beautiful but less sexy dress... meaning less hoochy dress since nobody likes a fat hoochy.
My dreams of not hating every single picture of myself from my friends wedding are not to ever be lived. Luckily it was her wedding and she looked AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL... so who cares about me... ME!
I am in a bad place in my life. My spending is effecting my marriage. My weight is effecting my marriage. My eating habits are effecting my children's eating habits. My exhaustion is effecting my parenting and/or lack of parenting. Everything is a mess and it's hard for me to figure out what to do about it. I have some plans but with everything, most of them cost money **cough cough, didn't you see the above***.
I'm torn by what will work for me, what I can stick with, how I can keep my motivation up, the fear of failure. I don't have a shortage of "this is it" post where I'm going to transform my life and I'm hesitant to turn this into one of them... but what if this is it? What if I HAVE reached my bottom of the barrel moment and I CAN do this? But, what if this is like every other time?
Luckily (i guess) I'm done breastfeeding. I have enough milk frozen to get Parker through to his one year so I'm done with all that, i don't have to worry about maintain my supply. My supply is done! So there's one hurdle gone. But what about my biggest hurdle? Myself. If you're reading this and you're my friend please be there to help me. Encourage me, text me daily, hold me accountable! PLEASE I NEED HELP! I HATE MYSELF right now and I don't want to be that example for my kids!
What do I want to do? Cut my calories, do Insanity (the only workout that I'm happy I did afterwards because I know it's working), drink Shakeology (holy crap not cheap), get sleep (yeah OKAY Parker, help Momma out), take care of me.
But I'm scared. I'm scared I don't have a good enough plan. I'm scared one sickness or change in the daily schedule will send me right back to where I was. I'm scared.
I weigh 178lbs and I hate myself.