Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Not quite sure how to write this...

So i have come to the understanding that this blog is basically a bitchfest-2000 type blog. Where i complain and complain and complain about pregnancy. So i'm going to take a minute to first explain myself and then tell you what is good about pregnancy.

I started this blog to 1. capture all the ins and outs of this process and preserve them. and 2. to inform others that have not been pregnant about the side of pregnancy people don't talk about so that if you're experiencing these problems you know you're not some sort of freak.

With that being said, often my post come across as me complaining and has left people baffled why i'm so miserable if i wanted this so badly.

Now i will address these concerns. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. As long as i can remember back that has been one of my biggest dreams. And once i finally met the man of my dreams then my Mommy dream became obsessive. Once we got married and i widdled down his defenses and got him on the baby train it was all i could do to contain myself. I wanted to be pregnant and have a cute bump and feel baby kick. The thing is... nothing is EVER how  you dream it.

Getting pregnant was and still is magical. The thought that you have a life inside of you is BEYOND amazing. Feeling the kicks and flutters is so touching and emotional that i can't even put into words how special it is. Seeing your baby on a ultra-sound (i don't care if you have 2 or 10) is a gift from God each time.

BUT no matter how magical it all is you are never ready for the not so sparkly side of pregnancy. You think yeah i might have morning sickness, yeah i'll bet some swelling will come, i've heard that my boobs might hurt and constipation might become an issue. But you're not ever prepared for everything, like baby moving your tail bone, the return of a polynatal cyst, rashes you've never heard about, just how ugly stretch marks REALLY are, and just how hard bending over or getting up will be.

If you want a child bad enough you kind of block out these "warnings" from other mothers because you think this Pregnancy will be a breeze for me! And honestly, compared to many other women it has been a breeze for me... but i don't care who you are, the last month is never a breeze for anyone and if you say it was for you, then you're lying.

No matter how badly you want a child, it' doesn't make it easier when you are waking up every hour of the night. It's not any easier to walk when your entire pelvic region is in pain and you get lighting crotch with every step you take. That sometimes your belly is so sensitive that the slightest brush up against something makes you gasp in pain.

Despite all of these "complaints", do you want this child any less? No. Does it make it any less of a miracle? NO. Would you do it again and again? Yes. BUT these are the facts, no matter how magical and amazing pregnancy is, it's still gross and uncomfortable.

So now that i feel i've explained myself i'm going to list the parts of pregnancy that are truly amazing to me....

feeling Kinsley move
seeing her on a sonogram
having Chris touch my belly
sharing moments with my mom
planning and decorating for her
praying for her health every night
Seeing my belly take shape as she grows
Watching my belly have a dance party after meals
Knowing that i will be holding her in my arms
Knowing that God has blessed me with the greatest gift of all

Pregnancy itself is not all it's cracked up to be, it's messy, hard, uncomfortable, but SOOO worth it. No matter what i've complained about i would do it again and again just for this little girl! But it's still nice to be able to get it out and have other women relate!

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