Thursday, August 6, 2009

Lets go Bowling, i'll bring the ball

So have you ever sat around wondering what a bowling ball would feel like if it were attached to your abs and sticking out through your skin? Well wonder no more! JUST GET PREGNANT! I mean seriously, how do those men with those HUGE beer bellies that lap over their pants do it and not be in pain all day??? Does beer weigh less or just make you forget the weight b/c you're too drunk to think about it???

So the BEST is right after you eat a nice FILLING meal! Oh it's terrific... not only have you taken precious space away from your little one (which she will be invoking the revenge for) but now you are trying to not reflux yourself to death WHILE you're trying to make sure your "baby"/ball doesn't go tumbling to the floor with your skin still attached to it.

You know now that i think about it, THAT's SOOO where they got the idea for Alien where an alien comes through a woman's stomach! I'll bet you a million (something, b/c i don't have the bucks just in case i'm wrong) that a woman thought of that! She's sitting there in her black over sized wolf shirt with her greasy hair and rock necklaces pondering the next great sci-fi movie when BAM she remembers her pregnancy! Yeah now you're with me...

On that note of feeling rather large... i'm now getting the comments

"You look SO cute! You're carrying sooo well! How far along are you???
Me: well i'm 22 weeks but she's measuring in at 23 week
"OH my, haha are you sure there aren't twins in there? haha
Me: You know you have a point. I'll bet ANYTHING that they just missed seeing that other PERSON in me during those last FOUR ultrasounds! WOW thanks SOOO much for solving THAT mystery for me!

oh here's another good one

"How much weight have you gained?"
Me: Only about 15 pounds and that was AFTER vacation so i'm sure it'll even out for a while
"WOW, seriously i only gained THAT during my ENTIRE pregnancy!"
Me: Well whoopdedo for you! I'm soo happy that you were obviously SOOO much more dedicated to you and your child's life then i am
"well i mean you aren't REALLY eating for two are you??
Me: OH you mean i'm not supposed to order TWO number ones with cheese every time i go to Burger King?? Damn (when really i'm lucky if i can fit ONE in me, forget the fries... this kid DOESN'T share room).

Now to be fair my friend who accomplished this feat was just sharing and being nice and meant nothing about it (i'll spit in her dinner later) and my mom only told me b/c i asked (still mad at her for not letting me keep my metabolism longer, i KNOW she took it away). And my mother-in-law was just sharing her AMAZING pregnancies with me, to relate??? I'm sorry but if you only gain 15-20lbs and your kid came out weighing 10lbs 11ozs you CAN NOT relate to me. Thank you and good night.

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