Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm the fat friend...

So growing up i was always super skinny. I mean i thought i was heavy when size 4s were falling off of me. I mean not like i thought "wow I'm fat" but THAT WAS heavy for me. I was always just super skinny. This seems like a dream to most but when all of your friends hate you or pick on you for it then it's not a dream. You feel bad that you're making your friends feel bad, so you feel like you have to prove to them that you're not super skinny by choice, but genetics, so they won't be mad at you.
So i ate, A LOT. I would eat every and anything. This way they would see me eating and know that i wasn't TRYING to be skinny, i just was. Don't get me wrong i LOVED being skinny, i rarely had to try on clothes because i KNEW they would look great on me. You got lots of attention from guys. And you just felt good about yourself. That was ONE thing that you didn't have to think about it.
That is until your metabolism stops. This happened for me around 21. It just stopped and well, it's really hard to go from eating burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, in as big of a serving as i want, to watching what i eat and trying to make good choices even though that burger and beer is SCREAMING at me to eat it and all of it's little friends!

As a result... I'm now the fat friend. I mean don't get me wrong, they aren't having to bring me seat belt extenders at the airport, but I'm not someone to be envied anymore. I was looking around my friends kitchen last night at the two other Mom's in my play group and realized I was the chubby one... and what does that make me want to do? No, not diet and run, but eat and drink more.

I KNOW how to loose weight, but the motivation to keep me going for any amount of time over 3 days escapes me. I dream about being skinny again, or at least comfortable with my size, but when you have a husband who works crazy hours, a baby and dogs that need attention, and no one to hold you accountable, it just doesn't last. I allow life to get in the way and i don't know how to stop it.

I've tried different diets, just trying to be healthy, signing up for 1/2marathons to motivate me... and the end result? Money down the drain because i never follow through with it.

Ya'll I don't want to be the fat friend anymore, i don't want to project this insecurity onto my daughter as she gets older. I don't want to have to wear a cami under every shirt i own because it helps to smooth out the rolls cascading from my belly.

I want to turn my life around, i have the motivation I think to do it, but honestly, i REALLY need the accountability too... like IN YOUR FACE accountable. I tried to start a biggest looser competition with some friends, yeah i only had 2 takers. Maybe if i opened it up on here? would there be any takers? I could open a paypal account for it, $10 a pop, have a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place looser?

Let me know if that's something ya'll would want to do OR if you have anything else that would help me... I don't want to be the fat friend!

1 comment:

  1. I was always the skinny friend too. Then I had a baby and postpartum depression and taking a bazillion meds that hang on to fat like a vacuum...and I turned 30....eeks! Plus zero motivation to do anything.
    Heir to Blair, Not Super..Just Mom and Sluiter Nation all take part in McFatty Mondays. You should check it out. Blogging about it makes you accountable to the Internet world Eeeks! You can do it!!