Monday, May 23, 2011

I don't wanna be fat.... but i'm a donut kid....

I don't wanna be fat, but i'm a donut kid. There's a million flavors of ice cream, with sprinkles and fudge. From vanilla to chocolate to rocky roads, there's a million flavors to eat. I don't wanna be fat, But baby I am, it's true I'm a donut kid. (sung loosely to the Toys R us theme song).

I've been working really hard (for me) lately. Has my eating been as good as it could be? No... BUT i have been doing better and I've been working out pretty hard. 5-7 days a week? No but 3-4! And when i'm in there i am SWEATING! It's not a leisurely stroll on the treadmill, it's the elliptical at a speed of 8 with sprints up to 13 (i even hit 16) for 30 secs. I do upper and lower body weights where I always lift an amount that makes it so by the last set i have to lower the weight. And i do abs, abs that make it hard to laugh some days... so I WORK IT!

And i've been proud of myself. Many days my clothes DO look better, AND my legs are looking much better too... way more toned. But the scale is NOT moving. It'll go down for a bit, but then up it goes again. So i told myself that i must have lost inches... so i decided to check. no... NO!

I've gained. Yes I lost 2 inches in my boobs.... my waist? up my thighs that are looking better? up my upper arms? up.

I mean what the hell! I just want to give up. I really do. There are all of these skinny bitches (okay they aren't bitches, they are actually VERY nice, I'm actually kinda pissed that their outsides match how beautiful their insides are...) in my neighborhood that have had kids and look amazing and I WANT TO BE THEM!

I am TIRED of looking at photos and trying to figure out a way to crop them to make me look skinnier. I'm tired of faking a smile when I really want to cry. I'm tired of not wanting to be in a swimsuit because i'm embarrassed by my weight. I'm tired of spending money to make myself feel better.

All i can think is that it's the eating... but i have NO NONE ZERO accountability with myself and my dear darlin Northern Cowboy is NOT helpful since he's pretty lean and mean without any stress about it.

Anyone have an idea?

1 comment:

  1. Girl, do yourself a favor... throw away the scale, throw away the tape measure! You are beautiful Mrs. Breedlove, you don't need to look like those other girls and make yourself feel like @$^* just b/c you don't. Like I said before, all you need to be is HEALTHY! I know I just had to accept that fact that my body is not meant to be a size zero. It would take an eating disorder and several painful surgeries to get me to look like that. So I just plug along making sure that if for nothing else, I'm staying HEALTHY and enjoying my workouts. Remember how good you were feeling about yourself? Well why ruin it by trying to "measure" it? Just keep plugging along Breedwoman, don't get so down on yourself! (Mama Combs' orders!)