This is a weekly entry I'm going to start. It's going to be my way of checking in, venting, sharing recipes, tips that work, or things that just don't. I will update you on my progress (good or bad) and ask for your support!
This is all coming about because I'm at a overwhelming moment in my life. Or i could say today just feels like one. I know you've had days like that, where nothing really changed that particular day, yet you feel so over whelmed by everything that it's getting hard to breath. Being a spaghetti woman (from the book Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti) everything runs together and swallows me whole at least once every other month to every month. You just hit a wall, like rock bottom. And you say to yourself "TODAY I'm going to change and get everything together"... but how?
How do you find the time that you didn't have yesterday? How do you find the energy? What about the help? The list of questions and excuses goes ON and ON.
Well frankly I'm tired of my excuses. I'm tired of them because the only person suffering from them is ME! No one is making my excuses disappear and my weight and emotional well being is suffering from the constant pity party. So I'm giving myself a big kick in the ass and getting over myself.
So here's what I want, reasons why i can't, how i will fix it:
1. I want to go on a walk/jog daily (or close to)
Why can't i? Well there's only so much time from when i get home with Kinsley and when it's her bed time, and the dogs need attention and it's too hard to take all three, and i need to make dinner, and Chris doesn't get home until late, and....
So what am i going to do about this? Well if Kinsley is in a good mood, then I'm going to suck up my fear and attempt to walk ALL three! It will be hard and tiring at first, but in the long run we will all benefit from it!
If Kinsley is NOT in a good mood, I will wait until she's asleep for the night and do a video if Chris isn't home or go for a walk/jog after he gets home. No excuses... ME time!
2. I want a clean house so that i won't be terrified if a friend "drops by"
Why can't i? Have you met my dogs? They shed.... they shed a lot... it's gross and it NEVER stops. Chris works so late so i don't get any help. I only have the weekends to do things and i don't want to spend them cleaning.
So what am i going to do about this? I will create a routine just like i do in the mornings! Either after i let the dogs out or after our walk then it's bottle time (getting the milk ready for the next day), after dinner the dishes MUST be done right away (or they will be there tomorrow), the vacuum will be run nightly because that takes what, 3 minutes? Each Saturday Kinsley always takes a nap before we go to her 10:30 swim class... so i will do everything i can around the house until she wakes up or we have to leave to put the house in order. Then whenever Chris can be around we'll either get more time as a family OR we can spend an hour together doing extra deeper cleaning (sadly my sweet husband LOVES this, relaxes him to know things are cleaner... hopefully he'll start to rub off on me)!
3. I want to stop emotional eating!
Why I can't? Because I'm too busy to cook. There's nothing healthy in my house. I didn't get to the store. I hate cooking for one. I'm to tired. I deserve it after today. I need the comfort. No one's here to know. I just can't say no, it's so good! This ONE time won't hurt...
So what am i going to do about this? Well I'm hoping if i occupy myself more (walking, cleaning) it will make it harder to emotional eat. Also i will be better about planning my healthy snacks (ie preparing raw veggies to eat on the weekends in bags for the week, etc) since I already mostly plan my meals. I will also track my weight watchers point each day, no matter how bad I've been... no more Starting over tomorrow... okay tomorrow... okay Monday I PROMISE!
4. I want to stop my emotional SPENDING!
Why can't i? Because Kinsley NEEDS a bow in this color and you have to order 5 to get the deal and.... Because if i'm going to stop to get my prescription i KNOW we NEED more things and so i might as well get them while i'm there and OH LOOK a new shirt! Because the best time to shop is on your computer on your lunch break!
What am I going to do about this? i'm going to start keeping a notebook of everything i spend. I'm going to write it down (item and price) and review it daily. It will be my spending diary, like a food diary. Spending makes me feel better (for the moment) about other things that i don't feel so good about (ie weight, fitness, involvement with church, loneliness, etc). That moment that you purchase something cute for you or someone else is just exciting! I DID IT! Then the remorse kicks in and the guilt, so you try to justify it, then you see the Credit Card bill at the end of the month and wonder "how did this happen? I swear i NEEDED everything I bought". So I will give Chris permission to be my Judge Judy and Tell me if i NEED something, or just really really want it to the point i've FOUND ways to justify it!
So these are my main goals. I feel like if these can eventually fall into place a lot of other things will to!
Do you have any goals? Any ups or downs that you want to share? Lets work on them together!
weight: 169.5 (+4.5lb from pre-pregnancy weight)