Flipping Mom Guilt

Y'all, I'll be the first to tell you, I do NOT feel bad going to work. Hell, most days I'm sprinting to work without a backward glance. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe, but I do love my kids and I know that I need the adult time to be a better Mom for them. Plus, my salary provides for us, even past daycare.

I try to do a lot with them and make all of their school parties and special moments but sometimes it's hard. I rarely have "me" time because my "me time" is work, how much does that suck?? Once I leave work I feel guilty if i schedule anything else that doesn't include them. True statement.

Well little man is sick and I'm not with him. 99% of the time I am the one that takes off and stays home with him, but it's just not possible today and I feel the guilt. I know he wants nothing but sweet Momma cuddles (at least I'm pretty sure that's in the top 5 of his list today) but i have to work... GUILT!

Also, tonight, I'm going out to dinner... so I won't be home before he goes to bed. GUILT! I'm going to dinner with a college bestie that i haven't seen in over 2 years so I'M GOING because she is staying over in Baltimore for the night to interview for a residency so it's a one shot deal and so I'M GOING but I've got loads of guilt!

Why can't a Momma ever do something without all of this guilt?!?! I love my kids so much it hurt and I know I do a lot for them but if I'm not the one there trying to make them feel better, no matter the reason, I feel guilty. Then at work I tell my boss that i might have to stay home tomorrow. I will try to telework some but with a sick baby you never know what will happen... so SHE throws the guilt on me!!! The hubs has got A LOT going on at work right now, so he is throwing the guilt on me. I'm not sure how much more my shoulders will bear.

For love of the children

When you're nothing but a half ass...

Everything in my life lately I feel like i've half-assed it. Clean my house? Yeah it's clean when people come over... during the week? Hell NO!

 

 

Losing weight, working out, and staying on my diet plan?

Half-assed

 

Everything, my work? Yeah I get stuff done but i know i could be doing better.

This blog? Well lets see, when was the last picture and post? Half-assed

Relationship with my husband...

Quality time, not just time with my kids...

my thirty-one business...

About the only thing i haven't been half-assing is shopping, which is NOT a good thing according to my hubs.

I'm in a constant state of exhaustion. I am constantly giving up before I've really even begun.

Remember the MTV show MADE? That's what I need. I need a real adult life MADE. I need a Jillian Michaels to follow me around and yell at me so that I keep accountable to my time. I know that most of my problems are time management, but even with all the time in the world, at night, once the kids are in bed (7-730) I'm FREAKING TIRED! I don't want to pick up my house. I don't want to workout. I don't want to work on work. I just want to lay on the couch and eat a tub of raw cookie dough while watching Vampire Diaries. Little known fact but the CW is my tween happy place.

I try to workout at work during lunch and some weeks I'm a rockstar at it, but throw a monkey wrench into one day and the whole week is blown. I have an addiction to food and carbs, what fat girl doesn't, and to figure out a good and easy menu takes time that I don't have. Plus going to weight watchers meetins aren't mean enough for me. It's like they almost pat you on the back for breaking your diet ("It's okay... next week!" HELL NO it's not okay, how do you think I got this way!!!)

So if they come out with an adult MADE that doesn't require you to be 400lbs or quit your job for a few months, let me know but I want to sign up. This girl needs help!

Operation Sexy Dress

So you might have read me mention (kinda like heard me mention but we're in a blog world so I type and you read) about the fact that my hubs is the best man in a wedding that's on NEW YEARS EVE! Well as excited as I am about this, it's been a bit of a source of stress for me. I want to look BANGIN at this wedding. I'm one of the only girls that's not in the wedding (which is totally expected because even though the bride and I are friends we're not bridesmaid asking worthy friends) so therefore I have to pick out my dress. Also I'm one of the larger girls in the group, all the others are the old me, the early college me, the size 4 or smaller me. AND HELLO it's a NEW YEARS EVE wedding, I want to dress up and feel awesome! So I bought this dress

This dress is sooo not something I would have bought in the last say, 5 years. MAYBE 7. It's tight on the bottom. Like see here's my uterus where I birthed two children tight. The top is awesome because I have big girls and so I can wear a decent bra with it. But the bottom... oh and do you see it's short. It doesn't look as short on her as it does me because her legs are about 10 inches longer than mine and about 10 inches smaller but ya know. Currently, when i workout, yeah my thighs clap for me... seriously.

So we're on operation sexy dress! Great time of year for this crap huh? Here's the 411 on what I'm doing. I'm doing a high protein low/no carb diet. I'm drinking 64oz of cucumber/lemon water a day plus more water, etc after that's gone. I'm staying away from artificial sweeteners (or all sugar) since Dr. Oz and everywhere else says it can actually stunt weight loss. I will give myself one cheat day a week, so I don't give up and go crazy. Also I'm doing Insanity 4-5 times a week (lets me realistic here and admit I'm not a 6 days a week kind of girl yet).

Typical day of eating for me looks like:

Coffee with half and half

eggs with mushrooms, bell pepper, onions, Canadian bacon and a half an avocado

string cheese

spinach salad with roasted chicken and olive oil and balsamic vinegar

hard boiled egg

few hand fulls of almonds here and there

dinner will be meat and a veg and a salad.

I eat a carb once a day... it's small and i make it count!

So far I've already lost quite a bit of my belly flab! I'm FAR from dress ready but it's already working!!!

SO here we go on this month long journey to operation sexy dress... don't worry, i have a few ideas for new operations after this one is a mission complete!

Back it up~

So there's a blog I've recently been following... Miss Madison's Charmed Life. Megan is an awesomely funny and sweet person that is a true inspiration to me! She talks about her super cute daughter, all of her awesome DIY projects around her house, and her weight loss journey. Well a while ago she posted about some jeans that she has grown out of:

*Photos courtesy of Miss Madison's Charmed Life

Well she got new ones and didn't know what to do with the old ones and I was all like "I'm a big girl, help me bling out my butt! AND it'll remind me every time I wear them that I can do it too!"

And you know what??? She MAILED THEM TO ME! I'M NOT SHITTING YOU! She's THAT cool!

BAM bling on my butt! They are a little short, not that's nothing a pair of flats can't fix~ I LOVE them and I LOVE what they represent! And I LOVE her for inspiring me!

SO just wait world, I'll be pass these babies along to someone one day when I look like her, but the question is, will you be worthy of THE JEANS?

And my son has a big head

GEZZ what is with these post of mine! HA... Parker is 9 months old... pics to follow... and we had his well visit... even though he is barely well!

Last weekend he had a mild fever but i chucked it up to teething because he's in teething hell right now, complete with a blood blister/abcest in his gum that will crack open and bleed everywhere once the tooth comes through. BUT he wasn't doing great so I took him to the Pedi... they said "Bad Cold". K.

Next day, not getting any better, actually worse so it was after hours and he was throwing up food too so we took him to the ER because you could feel and hear him breathing. They heard crackles in his chest but it all came back fine.

Next day fever spiked to 103.7 so we went back to the pedi and he had an ear infection. Great, FINALLY we'll get meds. Except it's all chalky and gross and he throws up on me almost every time he takes it, yummy.

Fast forward to yesterday, 9 month well visit!~~

18lb 7oz (16%)
28.25" long (81%)
and his head is 19" (98%)

Problem being, his head is growing faster than the rest of him... SOOO now we get to go and get an ultrasound to make sure he doesn't have fluid around his brain, not scary at all...

Luckily my brother-in-law and my dad both have HUGE heads so at least we know they run in the family~

I want to go to Vagina

Yup you read that right... little girl wants to go to Vagina.... except she meant North Carolina! HA

See it all started yesterday when I told her we were going home (while at her daycare) and she insisted that she didn't want to go home she wanted *mumble mumble mumble* vagina... "Um PLEASE repeat that honey" and again, same answer...

She went over to her teacher and repeated what she said to me and the teacher looks up at me with a "WTF" face and I'm all like "THANK YOU that's what I heard too!"

After a few more tries the teacher was able to decifer out that little lady was saying "I want to go to North Carolina" hmmm

She's just ready to see Sasha and Pop Pop. NOT... well... yea

hello loves, change is in the making

I've been MIA, I know... i've been in training and well, life has been going on in the evenings, so the blog has suffered. BUT, i haven't stopped reading your blogs and y'all haven't stopped motivating me! That being said, there are some changes a-brewin!

1. Parker is everywhere and crazy
2. I got my MINI-VAN!!!
3. I'm going to start a workout program...
4. I'm starting The Belly Fat Cure by Jorge Cruise

these will all be updates that I will provide you with, today i'll start from the bottom up!

I like to be told yes and no about stuff, i don't do well in the eat whatever you want and track it world.  So as you can guess counting calories or weight watcher points etc are just not helping me. Other problem, I have a serious addiction to sugar. LIKE WHOA! So i've been researching different options and well, i came across this and i like it. i'm doing the 14 day fast track plan, that will take you into a longer plan... but i like fast jump starts, it motivates me.

Here's an example of a daily menu

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled; Avocado; mushrooms; coffee with half and half
Snack: cheese (1 serving)
Lunch: spinach salad with chicken breast and bell peppers with olive oil-and-vinegar dressing
snack; hard boiled egg
dinner: sauteed pork chop, broccoli, mushrooms, salt and pepper to taste
treat: 1 oz dark chocolate and hot beverage with low-sugar whipped cream OR a glass of red wine!

I mean how doable is this?!?! the core of this is really about getting off sugar dependency and starting to eat super carbs. Now it does appear that a lot of this is just a low carb/no carb kind of diet... which for me i think is important because i'm SOOO carb addicted. It's out of control. like for real. So eventually you'll get to add back in carbs but you have to keep a count (dum da dum dum) to make sure you aren't getting too much unwanted sugar... lets see if i can get through these first two weeks, THEN we'll move forward.

what are your plans? what are your favorite menus?

I covet thee

So currently I drive a pretty bad ass Mom-mobile, a Honda Pilot. But there is a big problem in my current grocery getter... no room. Now I'm sure there's a few of you that have twelve kids and a Civic perfectly fits your needs...  but it just isn't working for us. I have two car seats in my car, a double stroller, a potty (must be prepared when potty training!), and then when we're on a trip add in the hubs and possibly two dogs and all of our crap. NOT cool. When we go on a trip I get to sit in our third row, I know I know, you're thinking "WHA you have a third row and need more room? HOW Erin?". Well it's like this. When the third row is up there is NO room. You can't even fit a suitcase behind the seat. So when we go on trips I put up with the 3rd row seats so that i can have access Parker because he's in the side seat and K is in the middle seat for her leg room. To get to this seat I have to crawl over the back seats or over Parker's seat, hopefully not clocking him in the head on my way. We leave the rest of the 3rd row down for storage reasons and put whatever won't fit in the car on the luggage rack. So it's me and the luggage.

When I get lonely or Parker is sleeping I like to try to get more room for my legs and visit the hubs... in the front This involves acrobats of climbing over the seats and children to the front while trying not to hurt the hubs while he's driving (yes I'm still semi-flexible). Obviously I don't need you to call your cop friends in to tell me this is not safe. Now this is ALL without the dogs. Add in a 30lb mutt and a 70lb lab and like whoa life sucks!

So I've been wanting a minivan since Parker was born. I used to be completely opposed to this Mom-trosity but COME ON! They have doors that open with a button! When your child would like nothing more than to play in traffic and you REALLY don't want to put down your beer (KIDDING) it would be so nice to push a button, their door open and bam they run in there instead of traffic!

OR how about having a third row WITH room behind it for luggage!?!?!? OR how about getting to walk (not catapult yourself) from the front to the back to take care of kids during a long trip to visit the grandparents!?!?

Fast forward to my coveting... I was in a wreck. Because of said wreck I get a rental car. First the company stuck me with an Impala. Now while it was nice of them to give me an upgrade from the standard size car, this car was still not cutting it for our family. Hubs is 6'3", he was eating his knees and couldn't sit up straight with the car seats behind us. So I complained to called the rental car place and cried explained my case and you know what??? They gave me a Minivan for only $5 a day out of my pocket!!!! HOLLA! Enterprise ROCKS! It's beautiful. I love it. I NEED IT! I am on a campaign with the hubs. I'm hoping after our trip this weekend to the south he'll be on board!

OMG the shit that bit my boob off!

Well it's a well known breast feeding fact. It gets real scary up in here when the teeth start coming in. The first time he bit me with his teeth (because they will clamp down like a clam with a pearl before they get teeth) I almost chucked him across the room in sheer surprise. It scared him enough that he didn't do it again... until recently. The kid has bitten down twice since then and honestly, I didn't think anything of it other than "Shit that hurt" and now we're moving on. That is until it kept hurting to nurse him on one side (his favorite bitting side). It stung, so I inspected the nip out, yep he sliced me. Stings like holy hell every time I nurse and pump. Best part too? It bleeds in the very beginning of a session until the milk gets flowing enough, but keeps hurting. Yumm

Yeah if this keeps up, we will NOT make it to a year of breast feeding. No way!

Rain Rain go away

Today is not a good day. In fact it's a pretty shitty day and I'm not going to joke about it.

Today I got two bits of news to add to an already awful week, but now putting it all into perspective, what happened to me this week was a walk in the park.

This morning my husband called me at work to tell me that his Grandma had passed away last night. We were expecting it but I guess figured it would happen next week. My Mother-in-law is doing well with it, keeping busy with decisions and plans but I know she's still rocked hard.

Then the news that hit me to the core... There's a couple from our old church that we still keeping up with on facebook and stuff. We see them around, etc. Used to be in a bible study with them, we used to go to each other's kids birthday parties. Well they have a little boy who is also named Parker. He's 6 or so months older than my Parker. He's been sick for 2 months and is unusually pale. They took him to the hospital last night with fear of anemia. He isn't anemic... it's much worse. This morning, while I was nursing my own Parker awake, I read that they found out he has leukemia. I cried. I cried for the sweetness in my arms. I cried for the pain they must be feeling. I cried for how hard I'm sure they are hugging their little man right now. I cried that I thought my wreck was SOOO terrible, but in fact I was so lucky! I still have my little man and big girl. My world hasn't been rocked by a devastating blow that can't be fixed with money.

I'm so mad right now. I'm mad that this amazing couple is going through this. I'm mad that there aren't answers and we won't know the out come for years. I'm mad there's nothing I can do except pray. But pray I will. I haven't been the best Christian example lately. I haven't been praying like I should lately, but for the Biggs I will become a prayer Warrior! God may choose to take this little angel to be with him in the future, but I know he has a legacy to leave and a purpose. But, God may also choose to send this family on this awful heart wrenching journey to touch other lives to bring them to Christ and then Parker will grow up to be the man his parents have always dreamed him to be. Whatever the outcome is I will be a prayer warrior for this family. They need strength, they need support, they need their little boy. Please pray too.

So you see today sucks, but I will get to go home to my sweet babies, to my piles of laundry, to the dog hair on the floor and be almost blissfully unaware of hurt and pain that can cripple a person for life. Tonight I get to go home and complain about making dinner. I GET to do these things. So instead I'll go home and hold my kids tighter, yell less, let them stay up later for more snuggles. Tonight I will make sure the hubs knows I love him. Tonight I'm lucky. Tonight my world hasn't been rocked, we never know what tomorrow will bring so I'm living for tonight, because Today Sucked.

Something about a wreck that wasn't your fault still makes you feel like a bad driver.

Wow it's been crazy up in here, sorry! It's not going to get a lot better either. Right now... we're waiting for Chris's Grandma to pass away. It's expected and we've had LOTS and LOTS of warning/preparation. She's old, has Alzheimer's, has bed sores, her kidney's are now shutting down, etc. Bit it will still be hard and we'll go to NC for the funeral. So there's that :( Oh and I was in a wreck

I was driving back from Kinsley's field trip when this kid in front of me slammed on his breaks to turn left (with no warning and no blinker) and I couldn't stop in time, tried to surve around but there was no where to do that and well... this is what happened. It's going to the shop today and we'll go from there. Worse part of the whole thing according to Kinsley "MY TV!!!!" Yes I have a DVD player in there that she would watch to and from school and now she's finding it hard to adjust to the 5 minute ride without her TV. OH MY GOD! Even though I have a portable one she will not get it because this will be a learning experience for her, riding in a car with no TV! What we subject our kids to these days!

Everyone was okay in the accident, but I can't open my door or my hood. The whole aftermath of dealing with getting it fixed and the insurance company is what sucks the most. But for now I'm chillin in my impala because i'm a balla! 

I'll be back soon with pumpkin patch pictures and really cute pics of Parker in carharts!  

It's happening, now what

I've been keeping with my insanity... meaning yesterday I couldn't workout at lunch because we went out for lunch for a co-worker goodbye so i had to workout at home... AFTER i got the kids. While it wasn't the most intense workout (queue crying baby, toddler tantrums, dumb ass dogs) it WAS a workout and at times it might have been more intense (try doing lunges with a toddler or baby on your hip!). But the point is I did it. I pushed through and told those kids to suck it up because Momma was going to exercise and K even did a few moves better than with me. Tonight I'll be paying the daycare $25 to keep my kids (and feed them dinner) until 9 tonight so that I can workout (since I left my videos at home and so i couldn't do them at lunch) and clean my house.

So now that the working out is happening I REALLY need to work on the eating. And I DON'T WANT TO!!!! I know i have to but shitballs people I REALLY like to eat. I know that's what got me here but... enter epic toddler meltdown.

So I'm not going to do weight watchers because i don't have time for that. I guess I could track calories but UH. What are rules you follow?


This weekend we are doing the Pumpkin Patch thing with the kids. Should be a good time for all. I'll let you know if it's not but hopefully I'll have photographic proof of what an awesome parent I am~

Tonight is VERY important to my area (where I live people). Tonight the Washington Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles are playing in game 5 of playoffs (not against each other). IF they win they then go to the next round... IF they were to win that series then there would be a local world series!!!!! I think that's pretty bad-ass. Regardless if any of this happens both team have gone farther then we're use to them going and have made us proud but I'm feeling a HUGE block party with an out door screen to watch the opening game of the World Series... aren't you?

So working out SUCKS. This workout high that people talk about, are they working out while hot boxing (not that i would know what that is mom...) because I DON'T GET IT! I mean I get the "Yes I worked out when I REALLY didn't want to, like ever" fist pump... but there's no "Wow, I feel great! That was awesome!" instead I'm dragging my dripping sweaty ass down to the locker room in my building trying to catch my breath, hoping no one notices my multiple rolls through my shirt and all I can think about is the candy a co-worker has left out for us. I don't get energy from working out... i mean i thought the point of working out was to expend energy, because that's what I do. I lose it all. Later tonight my kids will be wondering why their Momma has fallen asleep on the floor of their rooms in the middle of story time.

But I did it. I've completed 3 days of insanity. And can I just say the Asian chick (not trying to non-PC here but i can't remember her name and there's only one of them).... I HATE HER! Especially in the fit test video... she's all perky and like "I did XXX many!" While the guy she's doing it with did half as many. I just want to push her into a wall. Happy, perky, show offs piss me off. I'm going to keep doing Insanity so I can get better then her and then laugh in HER face!

Okay, enough complaining... here's my kids so you know I have a heart~

I love this picture because I think it's a glance into their future. Her figuring out how to taunt him, him being all cute and suave.

Hail

So these are my favorite overalls EVER. I wish I would have put them on him despite the heat, FREAKING adorable!

Case in point

Okay those big eyes help too.

I just think she's so beautiful!

When did she grow up?

And just so you know I do try to be a fun Mom that obsesses over Pintrest project and uses them as the standard of a good mom... here a few of them. That pizza is supposed to look like spider web cheese, but yeah..

DEER HUNTING CAKE IN RUSSIA!

So sometimes i like to look at my stats and see who all is here and what brought them here and well... I've got 53 readers in RUSSIA! HOLLA! And apparently a few of you might have been brought to me by a google search for a Deer Grooms Cake! Yes that's right my classy friends I made a deer (antlers and all) cake for my dear hubby for his grooms cake for our wedding, it was displayed though at the rehearsal dinner.
So I would like to take this moment to welcome my Russian friends and tell you something very amazingly awesome in russian but i do not speak Russian so therefore I will not try to butcher your language. Also, I want to come to your country and adopt babies, lots of babies... just need money first. I would also like to visit, not in the winter though... brrr too cold.

Alrighty people I'm sure there's a few of you out there that can figure out that I had my birthday and so the 30 by 30 challenge is over. AND i'll bet there's even a few of you that are wondering how I did... or didn't do. Right?

Okay well here ya go.
Thirty BY Thirty
1. Loose weight: Currently (6 weeks post pardum) I'm 178. That's only 6lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, not too bad. Too bad my pre-baby weight was bad and unhealthy. My ultimate goal weight is 140... that means i have to lose 38lbs!!! Whoa, that's nothing to laugh at. Could I get there by the time I'm 30? Probably... but lets be realistic, so I'm setting my goal at 20lbs. If I lose more by then, GREAT, but that's my first goal. nope i'm fat... i got lazy and gave up. starting over... boo me. 
2. Down size clothes to fit the space I have. Currently I have clothes EVERYWHERE! Part of it is the curse of trying to fit back into my clothes again. Part of it is different sizes. Part of it is different seasons. And who am I kidding... I'm a product of the "I MIGHT wear it again one day"... yeah. I want to reduce everything to hit into my closet/drawers and one 30 gallon container. THAT'S IT!  3. Church, we need a church BAD. We need one that fits us as a whole family. That fits all of our needs. That makes us all feel at home. We need a church.Another fail... i feel like i'm failing my whole family with this one. we need to stop making plans on Sundays and make plans with God... fail.
4. Visit a city I've never been to. Like a REAL trip, not a we're going to Sesame Place and I've never been there so that counts, because it doesn't. I've been to PA but I've never been to Philadelphia. That would count. I've been to Nashville, TN but I never really visited it (did a mission project there) and got to SEE it. That would count. FAIL... man maybe i should be more positive about this fail crap and say not yet met because life sucks and is way to busy so i'm going to make it happen before i die?
5. Have Kinsley Potty trained. Hopefully this will happen WAY before I'm 30 but it's a goal none the less. 6. Have Kinsley off her passy.
7. Consistently work out 4-5 days a week. see above, i'm fat so therefore i'm going to make the leap for you and say I haven't been working out.
8. Go on at least one date a month with Chris. We REALLY need to make sure we take us time and often we get caught up in the kids or friends, this needs to end. OKay not one a months but we have had a few! YEA US!
9. Have a girls night once a month. Whether it's dinner or a drink or a movie. It needs to happen! And Chris should get a guys night too once a month.I officially suck
10. Stay on top of my cleaning... i guess organization should be part of this goal. Motivation should be? I don't know what the exact problem is but I'm tired of always being behind and dreading someone stopping by my house unexpectedly. this was a stupid goal and will never happen. there i said it.
11. Have a new consultant under me in thirty-one (so then i'll have two!).dammit it all to hell... i still need one. i'm terrible at recruiting!
12. Have TWO of my thirty-one parties reach over 1000k in sales. whomp whomp
13. Still be breastfeeding Parker (I want to make it a year like it did with K).

14. Have my bedroom painted and look like it has style!
15. Have the basement framed.
16. Do Insanity ALL the way through. starting over on monday... whomp whomp
17. Sew curtains for the den.
18. Finish Parker's baby blanket.

19. Have started Parker's Christmas Stocking.
20. Sew ruffles for lights in dinning room.

21. Sew the ruffle pants i've bought fabric for for Kinsley. I
22. Sew Pillows for Dinning Bench.
23. Deep clean and treat couches.

24. Shampoo carpets

25. Do 10 projects off of Pinterest. I have TONS of things on there I want to cook, make, try and I need to  start Cross them off the list rather than thinking "One day I'll do it"
26. Get rid of 30 things, baby items don't count. I need to PURGE and clothes don't count either since that's another goal. If Chris and I want to finish our basement we seriously need to make room down there, so PURGE! 
27. Complete THREE 5ks. (or larger) BAM didn't happen
28. Go 30 days without buying a single frivolous thing. Target is a down fall. Randomness is a down fall. I need to go 30 days without buying something that I feel the need to justify.yea i suck

29. Get 3 pedicures with Kinsley. She and I need that bonding time and she enjoys getting her toes painted. We don't need to go every month by any means (I mean I might but she doesn't) but these outings will be special for her. so yeah... nothing
30. Have a kick butt party for my 30th! nope but it was a kick butt birthday!

Damn so i didn't even do half... epic fail. New goals (why do i do this to myself?!?!?!)? Just lose 40 f'ing pounds! Insanity will be coming!

OMG it's a vlog link up~

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It's a vlog. I make all apologies for my god awful lower teeth, my dog ate my retainer when i was younger and now I've got horrible teeth again. Just let my bulging boobs distract you! I always said when i was done breast feeding I was going to pay to have my boobs picked back up off the ground, maybe I'll stick to getting my teeth fixed!

the chillins

So I've been photo bombing you and I'm going to move on from photo bombs, because i don't think I'll ever fully catch up, and write something ABOUT my kids, not just the crazy shenanigans that we're up to.

First up, this kid:

I don't know what is up with those faces and what she's up to other than going after my own heart with eating the cupcake batter right out of the bowl! Girl's got brains! Please ignore the mess she is surrounded by.

Age: 2 years 10 months.
Age she thinks she is: 14

Loves: Her baby doll, her brother, donuts (with pink icing and sprinkles), fruit snacks, Mickey Mouse Club house, Veggie Tales Live, swings, clothes (Girl LOVES to get new clothes...after my own heart), spaghetti, and snake (also known to us as Steak but she says snake)

Dislikes: bedtime, eating anything she doesn't want to eat at that moment, going to the potty in the mornings (weird), being left or left out, not getting her way (she's a true 2 year old)

Other interest: Dance class, reading, helping me cook, shopping (for reals, she and her Grandma get a serious shop on), Barney (shoot me now), princesses, singing

Skills she's got: She knows the alphabet and can identify, i would say, over half of the letters and can even spell her name most of the time. Can count to 19 or 20. Knows all her colors and shapes (unless you're going to get all mean and ask her what an octagon is). Is completely daytime potty trained. Uses a big girl cup (no top) at meals and utensils. Speaks in complete sentences and is quite the negotiator.

Kinsley is TOO smart for her own good. She forgets NOTHING (sad for me). She LOVES to talk and will talk your ear off and jump around 10 different topics while she's at it. She's a very caring girl too and will hug and take care of anyone that needs it. She picks out her own clothes and PJ's every night. She also has chores that involve feeding the dogs and picking up her toys and dirty clothes.

Funny things: The other night I was talking to Parker while K was watching Mickey. He smacked me and I said "NO Parker, no hitting" And K chimes in without missing a beat or her show "Nice HANDS!"
She asks her Dad "What am I going to do with you?". She's obsessed with "BIG ONE"... whether it's a big glass of milk, a big slice of cake, a full cup of chips, a big glob of soap, she wants a BIG ONE.

Bottom line: She's the best kid ever. She keeps me on my toes but OMG she's amazing and sweet. She's SOOO a little me (good and bad) but i wouldn't want her any other way. She pushes her boundaries while staying (mostly) safe. She's a great listener but also very independent. She is so smart and social but still prefers to stay with her Momma. She's my k.

Now onto this haus:

Age: 7 1/2 months

Likes: His new car, toy cars and dinosaurs, boobies, most baby foods, baths, his sister, being thrown in the air, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Veggie Tales Live

Dislikes: Getting his diaper changed or clothes changed (he alligator rolls), naps of any kind, being ignored for a second, not being able to see us, baby food that is a meal (chicken and rice, mac and cheese, etc. I don't blame him, that shit is weird), long car rides (or anything over 10mins)

Other interest: Jumping, swimming, having his sides tickled, rolling, books.

Skills and facts: Kid is NOT interested in crawling, he will roll right into walking I swear. He rolls and scoots everywhere, not interested in bringing his knees up (although I've caught him with them up once or twice while sleeping). He has his two front bottom teeth. First word "mmmmmMA" and later he threw out a few more MaMa's for us... none since then though. He's wearing mostly 12 month clothes but can fit into some brands 9 month clothes as long as they are separates.

Parker is a very happy and nosy baby. He wants to know what is going on at all times, so his naps SUCK. I should say his cat naps suck. He typically wakes up once a night to eat still, sometimes he'll wake up more than that but I refuse to feed him so it's rockabye back to dreamland for him. When he is done sleeping you better not be busy because he wants you to pick him up RIGHT THEN and will cry so hard that he makes himself throw up... awesome kid. He loves to jump in your lap or sit and watch sports with his Daddy. He has 6 pairs of camo pants and doesn't have a problem sharing because his friends (at daycare) or his sissy are always taking "his stuff".

Parker is my last baby and I am finding it hard to let go of each stage. I find I'm not pushing him like I did with Kinsley because I don't want to lose my last baby. He's still growing and learning fast (despite my best efforts, j/k). He's still only had breastmilk, no formula!

So there you have it... my little (or i could scream WAY TO BIG) munchkins~

Go Erin, It's my birthday, Go Erin!

No It's really my birthday and i'm like WHOA old... 30!!! HA... the hubs asks me this morning if i felt old... I replied "No i feel mature" which is a joke in itself! lol. i don't know now that I'm 30 maybe i'll get some respect around here! No? well it was worth a shot.

So i have amazing balls co-workers. I mean for real, look at this

That rocked my pants off! I mean not actually pants off, even though i had to change my pants this morning once already because Parker decided to give me a birthday pee ALL OVER ME! I'm sitting in my gift wrapped chair right now! I had to remove a few balloons and the wrapping on my keyboard but I'm leaving the rest because it makes me smile~

Kinsley is in a great mood today because she got to take cupcakes to school today in honor of my birthday! She pretty much peed her pants with excitement. Other excitement? Chris hung her a swing in the basement, not sure what she's happier about.

Today the man and I are going to do it up right with a gift certificate to Morton's Steakhouse, holla! They are also running a special so with the money we'll save from that special i think we can afford a bottle of wine too!!! BAM Momma's getting tipsy!

So, I would say this is the best way to bring in 30! jealous yet?

Just a photo fail today...

That me... at work... needing a do-over. I want a do-over on my outfit choice for the day... I want a do -over in my hair for the day... I want a do-over in everything i put in my mouth today (cake, sub, pizza, candy bars, blah blah blah), I want a do-over in shopping over working out at lunch today. I want a do-over!

My I'M GOING TO START ON ME TODAY post turned out to be a load of shit. I did drink my smoothie all week so i think that's helping my energy a little, not a lot.

Here's what I HATE about pictures of me... My freaking head is so small and my boobs are so big that my back and shoulders are so big to support them and it all just looks weird. I mean how did this body happen? BLAH!

It doesn't help that i can't find a nursing bra that fits me and is comfortable to save my life, but hey only 5 more months of that right? I HATE my arms and if i were to turn sideways you would see that they are a wide as my body. I HATE my body, I HATE my teenage acne face, and what I hate even more is I'm scared I'll put these image issues onto my daughter.

I read blog after blog after blog of women who just got tired of looking and feeling like shit and they have fixed their shit... I on the other hand am right there with them but have no dedication. I'm so quick to cheat or give up or whatever. I need CONSTANT accountability by someone who will look at me when I tell them that my PawPaw died yesterday (he did) and say "I'm sorry for your loss now put down that comfort pizza and get your ass into the gym... him dying has NOTHING to do with you eating and treating your body like shit". Instead I'm surrounded by people who tell me they will work out with me tomorrow (it's always tomorrow), or we'll start weighting next month, blah blah.... and then I smack my acne ridden forehead and hate myself for needing to depend on others to make myself happy. But I don't know how to make myself happy because I'm not truly happy unless other are happy with me. I'm a pleaser.

I really don't want to hate myself anymore. I need a plan. I DO need support. I need someone to tell me what to do until I can do it myself. This is my cry for help.