So this past weekend my girlfriend Mel went with me to Buy Buy Baby to finish registering for anything that wasn't sex related. So she helped me with bottles, pacifiers, bowls, etc. Well while we were there she explained to me the importance of registering for toys too. People might not buy the exact toy you register for BUT at least they know you need toys. So away to the toy world we went. And i have to say, once i got past the bright happy colors, i became fearful for my child! I mean seriously, have you seen these toys today?
So in our day we had the wonderful magical creatures, such as pink horses, little blue things called smurfs, candy that comes alive (Gummy Bears) and even blue bears that shoot rainbows off their belly. I mean it was great, we always thought we were in some magical 70s drug trip! But NOOO that's not educational enough for children today! NO!!! instead get a load of some of these "wonders"
I mean seriously... do you see what i'm seeing? a GIANT worm with a nice wide open mouth to eat my baby with... an octopus to teach my baby that it should pick up strange things in the ocean that can harm it... oh and Bugs... GREAT! Who doesn't love a cute cuddle bug so that when baby gets big enough it will think ALL bugs are cute and cuddly so then it sees a bee and thinks "Friend" and then BAM that friend stings the hell out of my kid! Seriously?!?!? Oh and here's my favorite...
So you see AFTER my child develops a nice fear of stinging bugs i will strap these babies onto his/her arms and legs to "stimulate" movement... b/c they are rattles. RIIIGHT. So while all the child experts are saying "wow it's working, look at all that mobility" i know my child is really thinking "Get these things off of me NOW you crazy lady, they are going to eat me alive! HELP!"
But being the loving caring parent that i am, i have filled my registries with the likes of the STIMULATING toys in hopes it doesn't traumatize my child for life but rather helps his brain grow.... Yeah i see it now... all this is going to do is encourage my child to bring back every bug it doesn't eat first into my house as it's new FRIEND! Joy!