So my neighbor and i have been walking a few times a week with our kids after i get off work. We live in a FAMILY neighborhood, meaning there are always kids everywhere and like 3-4 in home daycares (at least). There are cars parked on the streets and big speed bumps to make sure people go slow.
Half the neighborhood has sidewalks (even though they are small and only big enough for one person, single file) and the other half doesn't.
So we have a route we go on, we go in the back half (no sidewalks) first, which is like a mile and a half. We are very aware of cars and we'll pull over for them to go by if the space is tight, and they'll do the same for us, but most of the time it's not an issue. Monday, while we were walking the back half, this car comes up beside us and as she's passing us she's throwing her hands up and yelling. I mean you would have thought that we had decided to stop and have a picnic in the middle of the road the way this woman was acting, NOT simply walking our kids in their strollers hugging the curb and allowing PLENTY of room for cars to pass by.
After we hit up the back half we head to the front for the last 1/2 mile. Now there are sidewalks here, BUT there's not enough room for us to walk beside each other and talk, so we stroll in the street. The neighborhood street, where kids play... Enter psycho: so we're walking very aware of our surroundings when SHE pulls up next to us (obviously there's plenty of room for her if she can drive beside us!) and proceeds to cuss us out. Oh yea, you heard me... she was all "What the F@#k is wrong with you? Are you F stupid? Do you have a death wish for you're children? You're terrible mothers! There's an F'in sidewalk right there! You're F'in stupid" etc.
Well we were a little taken back by this so i just waved and told her it was nice to see her again (i know snazzy come back, but i'm not really known for my spur of the moment comebacks, now if i were to see her today! Oh ho ho, WATCH OUT!). So when we get to her house I take my phone out and proceed to take a picture of her license plate. She's standing in the doorway of her house with her husband and starts yelling again asking me what the F i'm doing and i explain to her that I'm taking a picture of her plates for the cops if she keeps harassing us! To which her husband shoved her back into the house.
I mean this woman had RAGE! It was like bipolar triggered by the sight of strollers! So my friend and i are going to do what any normal person would do... and start a stroller brigade. Tomorrow i will be walking with another neighbor and her child. Thursday the two of them will walk. Friday ALL THREE of us will be walking! AND if i can get any more Mom's to join, IT'S ON! Don't mess with me lady! I will have strollers 10 across if I have to in order to make my point that this is 1. MY neighborhood TOO! 2. a family neighborhood so slow the F down and follow the speed limit AND 3. That you will NEVER speak to me like that especially in front of MY child!
Sucks for her too, especially since my two stroller buddies husbands are cops in our town.... i feel tickets, lots of tickets in her future!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Get ready for water boarding
Sleep... seems like such a casual word. A word that many just throw around "I want to sleep" "How did you sleep" "I slept like a baby".... Oh REALLY!?!? You SLEPT like a BABY? Because last time I checked, babies DON'T sleep. They torure you by waking up, sometimes Often throughout the night! Then in the morning I get asked by my husband, who could sleep through an atom bomb, if Kinsley woke up!?
Well lately it hasn't been as terrible as it once was, but it's still not great. We're up at least once or twice a night. Now, I can take one feeding a night and survive. I even make a party of it and releave my blatter at the same time (meaning same awakening, not while feeding child, even though I HAVE been THERE). Anyway, i digress. She is not cutting a tooth at this moment in time, she is just demanding that the boob needs to help her fall back to sleep. Now, we have tried a few techniques but give up after one day (Hey i'm nothing if not dedicated!). So we have a long weekend coming up AND my family is coming into town to visit so I figure, PERFECT timing! We're going to Cry It Out. So after Chris and i will have been up ALL night with a screaming baby she can be all cute and cuddly with my parents in the daytime while he and get ready for rounds two/three/four!
I think this is a PERFECT time! I know everyone isn't a big fan of the CIO method and to those parents I say "Then come and take care of her yourself during the night"!
Well lately it hasn't been as terrible as it once was, but it's still not great. We're up at least once or twice a night. Now, I can take one feeding a night and survive. I even make a party of it and releave my blatter at the same time (meaning same awakening, not while feeding child, even though I HAVE been THERE). Anyway, i digress. She is not cutting a tooth at this moment in time, she is just demanding that the boob needs to help her fall back to sleep. Now, we have tried a few techniques but give up after one day (Hey i'm nothing if not dedicated!). So we have a long weekend coming up AND my family is coming into town to visit so I figure, PERFECT timing! We're going to Cry It Out. So after Chris and i will have been up ALL night with a screaming baby she can be all cute and cuddly with my parents in the daytime while he and get ready for rounds two/three/four!
I think this is a PERFECT time! I know everyone isn't a big fan of the CIO method and to those parents I say "Then come and take care of her yourself during the night"!
Special K
Ummm right sooo my brother-in-law and his girlfriend call Kinsley Special K... now NORMAL people would think it's a reference to the cereal. My friend Katie is not so normal because her husband is a cop.
Yesterday i posted on facebook that i was one my way to pick up Special K... Katie informs me Special K is a drug... yea
So if i go missing for a while it's because the feds have me for questioning!
YIKES!
Yesterday i posted on facebook that i was one my way to pick up Special K... Katie informs me Special K is a drug... yea
So if i go missing for a while it's because the feds have me for questioning!
YIKES!
Monday, June 28, 2010
I want to look like a rock star!
So i was kinda over my hair... i mean it was nice and whatever but i needed something that made a statement. Something that made me feel like a Mom without looking like a Mom haircut. I wanted sassy/chic/rocker all in one! So my mother-in-law took me to this place at her mall and this little short greek guy that reeked of smoke went to work...
And i LOVE IT! He was great! I can't wait to go back, he wants to do my color next! And i really want him to!
So what do you think? Hot Mom?
And i LOVE IT! He was great! I can't wait to go back, he wants to do my color next! And i really want him to!
So what do you think? Hot Mom?
Friday, June 25, 2010
Don't ask me why
But i've joined Twitter (eyes lookin left)... i have a lot of randomness going on in my head so rather then pollute my blog with it, i'll pollute the world of Twitter... follow if you're interested in the color of underwear i'm wearing or the latest on kinlsey spit up!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sick Mommy's= No fun!
Well i've been dealing with this terrible sinus thing for over a week now and it sucks! There's not much you can take when you're a breastfeeder. AND i really think it's effecting my supply (in a bad way), UH! Here's how my day likes to go...
I wake up (after having been woken up a few times already by my lovely daughter) wipe the huge puddle of drool off my face and try to swallow but can't because my throat is so full of snot from my nose that i can't breath out of...
I get in the shower and pray that the steam gods will work their magic, they almost always DON'T but they do allow me to clear my nose some and hack up a snotty mess or two (lovely i know).
I get ready, get K ready and head to work.
Along the way i look like a good trucker enjoying a dip as spit into a bottle since i keep hacking and coughing up more lovely snot and the only their grosser then spitting it out is swallowing it! UH!
by the time i get to work i'm feeling MUCH better, throat is a little scratchy but i'm good.
By the end of the day i think i've kicked this nasty thing... and then i lay down and it ALL comes rushing back.
Sinuses are a bitch... Sinuses while breastfeeding and getting up to care for an infant are the bitches biker momma!
I wake up (after having been woken up a few times already by my lovely daughter) wipe the huge puddle of drool off my face and try to swallow but can't because my throat is so full of snot from my nose that i can't breath out of...
I get in the shower and pray that the steam gods will work their magic, they almost always DON'T but they do allow me to clear my nose some and hack up a snotty mess or two (lovely i know).
I get ready, get K ready and head to work.
Along the way i look like a good trucker enjoying a dip as spit into a bottle since i keep hacking and coughing up more lovely snot and the only their grosser then spitting it out is swallowing it! UH!
by the time i get to work i'm feeling MUCH better, throat is a little scratchy but i'm good.
By the end of the day i think i've kicked this nasty thing... and then i lay down and it ALL comes rushing back.
Sinuses are a bitch... Sinuses while breastfeeding and getting up to care for an infant are the bitches biker momma!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Busch Gardens
So this past weekend we went to Busch Gardens Williamsburg to enjoy a family day being hosted by Chris's work! How cool huh? Free tickets, lunch, and money towards a hotel! AWESOME!
Once we arrived we had to go straight to the lunch and Kinsley was a little star! She smiled at everyone, let everyone hold her, it was GREAT!
Then we headed out into the wonderful world of a VERY HOT Busch Gardens.
Kinsley was very amused!
And was so interested in everything she saw!
We woke her up for this picture in an egg... she promptly started screaming her head off after this shot...
Yea COOKIE monster! I think it was love at first site... no?
Abby! Yea!... And Kinsley doesn't want ANYTHING to do with her...
ELMO! Everyone's favorite... Kinsley liked the Photographer!
A little water fun to cool us down!
Now this she enjoyed!
And so did Chris....
All in all it was a great day and wore our little bug out! lol
j
Once we arrived we had to go straight to the lunch and Kinsley was a little star! She smiled at everyone, let everyone hold her, it was GREAT!
Then we headed out into the wonderful world of a VERY HOT Busch Gardens.
Kinsley was very amused!
And was so interested in everything she saw!
We woke her up for this picture in an egg... she promptly started screaming her head off after this shot...
Yea COOKIE monster! I think it was love at first site... no?
Abby! Yea!... And Kinsley doesn't want ANYTHING to do with her...
ELMO! Everyone's favorite... Kinsley liked the Photographer!
A little water fun to cool us down!
Now this she enjoyed!
And so did Chris....
All in all it was a great day and wore our little bug out! lol
j
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
A bit late.... story of my life....
So Happy Fathers day Ya'll! Kinsley and I were VERY last minute with our gift to our main man but here it is! Friday after I picked her up from school we snapped these, I bought a frame with slots for three pictures and I have now ordered the pictures! I think it's a GREAT gift! No?!?!
So to the Man in our lives that works so hard for us! We love You!
And Happy Belated Fathers Day to ya'll too!
So to the Man in our lives that works so hard for us! We love You!
And Happy Belated Fathers Day to ya'll too!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Gotta love some nursing nipples
So i pump three times a day at work and it's hard not to notice all the smiles and "Hello's" i get from the male population after i finish pumping. I mean when you pump your nipples get tugged into this tube funnel pretty dern hard and they get stretched to like an inch and a half long and it takes time for them to flatten back out after all that "stimulation". So out of the pumping room i come, like i just got done jogging with my shirt off in the middle of an arctic blast.
Yep gotta love nursing nipples...
Yeah so I
Yep gotta love nursing nipples...
Yeah so I
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Your Bikini area!
So i was reading this very funny blog and her post about a Brazilian Bikini wax and it got me thinking about my own expereince with THAT... and i would LOVE to know ya'lls!
So for my wedding i decided that i wanted ALL hair off my body because then i wouldn't have to shave over my honeymoon... that and i have issues with razor burn (most likely b/c my hair is so thick).
So off to Elizabeth Arden Day Spa i went. They recommended that i make two appointments for the Brazilian since i had never had it done before and hair grows in cycles, so this would ensure a beautiful smoothness come wedding day... or so they said.
So i go in for the first appointment, which was the brazilian. I took some ibuprofen before hand (upon the recommendation of others) but it did NOT do a lick of good. You strip down and well, spread'em. I mean at the gyno at least they give you a paper sheet to cover with... NOT here.
You know i don't think i even got a hello my name is... maybe i did? God i was TOO nervous to even know what the girl was saying past "so everything?"! And away she went. To ripping out my hair follicles (and dignity) and I was doing okay with a well deserved grunt of pain here and there. At least i was, then she got to what she called the "sweet spot". This is the area at the top (sorry it's about to get graphic) right between your "lips". Oh, bloody jesus, mother of mary what was she trying to pull off there? I really think they heard me holler (b/c it was NOT just a yell or scream, it was a full out Holler ya'll!) all over the spa. Yeah, that got a little chuckle out of the hair Nazi!
So when she was done i looked at my red swollen glory and still saw signs of hair! She told me it's just the cycle and she'll get it all next time for the final session (yes i was going to subject myself to her pulling apart my girly bits AGAIN, for the love of my honeymoon and groom!). So as i shed a tear or two on the way home (b/c it hurt that bad) i started to prepare myself.
So the next time was the Thursday before my wedding. We started off easy, legs. NO Problem... i mean the back of the knees wasn't GREAT and neither were the ankles but it's wasn't bad. Moving on to the arms, simple! And lets round it out with under the arms.... "hmmm" (just what you want to hear your waxer say) "I'm not sure the hair will be long enough"... WHAT! I let these puppies GROW, it HAS to be long enough, i can't come back, this is my only time slot for pain! You have to do it! SO, she tried. Meaning, she tried and failed. NO hair, NOT ONE came off of me. But do you know what did come off? The top layer of skin, because she tried TWICE on each arm pit. So i was left with bright red pits that i had to shave anyway so then i developed razor burn on top of the red pits over the honeymoon, Klassy!
"Well", i thought to myself, "it can't get any worse then this, lets just move on and finish the job". so we moved on, but nothing was finished. The waxed and pulled and the bikini area was still a hot mess. I mean it wasn't all walking through the bush to get to the outback, but it wasn't New Moon either. More like your great Aunt's chin, random sprouts here and there... so I still had to shave.
And the biggest bitch too??? I had to shave my legs over the honeymoon! I mean do i have hair follicles of concrete that refuse to be pulled? My hair is attached to me, both physically and emotionally.
So for my wedding i decided that i wanted ALL hair off my body because then i wouldn't have to shave over my honeymoon... that and i have issues with razor burn (most likely b/c my hair is so thick).
So off to Elizabeth Arden Day Spa i went. They recommended that i make two appointments for the Brazilian since i had never had it done before and hair grows in cycles, so this would ensure a beautiful smoothness come wedding day... or so they said.
So i go in for the first appointment, which was the brazilian. I took some ibuprofen before hand (upon the recommendation of others) but it did NOT do a lick of good. You strip down and well, spread'em. I mean at the gyno at least they give you a paper sheet to cover with... NOT here.
You know i don't think i even got a hello my name is... maybe i did? God i was TOO nervous to even know what the girl was saying past "so everything?"! And away she went. To ripping out my hair follicles (and dignity) and I was doing okay with a well deserved grunt of pain here and there. At least i was, then she got to what she called the "sweet spot". This is the area at the top (sorry it's about to get graphic) right between your "lips". Oh, bloody jesus, mother of mary what was she trying to pull off there? I really think they heard me holler (b/c it was NOT just a yell or scream, it was a full out Holler ya'll!) all over the spa. Yeah, that got a little chuckle out of the hair Nazi!
So when she was done i looked at my red swollen glory and still saw signs of hair! She told me it's just the cycle and she'll get it all next time for the final session (yes i was going to subject myself to her pulling apart my girly bits AGAIN, for the love of my honeymoon and groom!). So as i shed a tear or two on the way home (b/c it hurt that bad) i started to prepare myself.
So the next time was the Thursday before my wedding. We started off easy, legs. NO Problem... i mean the back of the knees wasn't GREAT and neither were the ankles but it's wasn't bad. Moving on to the arms, simple! And lets round it out with under the arms.... "hmmm" (just what you want to hear your waxer say) "I'm not sure the hair will be long enough"... WHAT! I let these puppies GROW, it HAS to be long enough, i can't come back, this is my only time slot for pain! You have to do it! SO, she tried. Meaning, she tried and failed. NO hair, NOT ONE came off of me. But do you know what did come off? The top layer of skin, because she tried TWICE on each arm pit. So i was left with bright red pits that i had to shave anyway so then i developed razor burn on top of the red pits over the honeymoon, Klassy!
"Well", i thought to myself, "it can't get any worse then this, lets just move on and finish the job". so we moved on, but nothing was finished. The waxed and pulled and the bikini area was still a hot mess. I mean it wasn't all walking through the bush to get to the outback, but it wasn't New Moon either. More like your great Aunt's chin, random sprouts here and there... so I still had to shave.
And the biggest bitch too??? I had to shave my legs over the honeymoon! I mean do i have hair follicles of concrete that refuse to be pulled? My hair is attached to me, both physically and emotionally.
Okay so MAYBE less is more... this ONCE!
So growing up i went to church camp every summer. It was SO much fun and one of the best experiences ever. I learned a lot of thing there, but style was just not high on the priority list for lessons.
And at night, well you know those church girls, they get CRAZY! You never know what they'll do.
Well you want to know what we did? Fashion shows! Redneck Street Walker fashion shows (for a private audience only!)!
Yes this particular year I was the Hostess, you know since I won and everything the previous year... yea I'm hot, it's cool you can say it. And i'll be happy to give make-up tips ANY time.
Want to get that missing tooth look without going all The Hangover on yourself? Mascara and hold your mouth open until it dries.... it was my signature~
And at night, well you know those church girls, they get CRAZY! You never know what they'll do.
Well you want to know what we did? Fashion shows! Redneck Street Walker fashion shows (for a private audience only!)!
Yes this particular year I was the Hostess, you know since I won and everything the previous year... yea I'm hot, it's cool you can say it. And i'll be happy to give make-up tips ANY time.
Want to get that missing tooth look without going all The Hangover on yourself? Mascara and hold your mouth open until it dries.... it was my signature~
Friday, June 18, 2010
We've made it 6+ months
breastfeeding that is... I won't say it's been easy but i also hasn't been terribly hard either (with the exception of the first 4ish weeks!
But i came across this photo and realized it's about to get a WHOLE lot easier! I mean this is INGENIOUS now that Kinsley can sit up! I don't know why i didn't think of this sooner!
pure awesomeness! Thanks people of walmart blog for your amazing TIME SAVING ideas!
But i came across this photo and realized it's about to get a WHOLE lot easier! I mean this is INGENIOUS now that Kinsley can sit up! I don't know why i didn't think of this sooner!
pure awesomeness! Thanks people of walmart blog for your amazing TIME SAVING ideas!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
What you really want from me.../Thankful Thursday
I know i know, you're all like "gee Erin, these pictures of you are great and everything and really help my self esteem out, since you were like WHOA but i really didn't come to this blog to look at YOU"
So here you go your daily dose of Kinsley!
So what am i thankful for today?
A little girl that can always make me smile because she is almost always smiling herself!
I'm thankful for belly laughs and friends that invoke these belly laughs!
I'm thankful for Mommas and Daddys who always call to check on me and tell me they love me!
I'm thankful for the amazing and patient man who made this child possible!
So here you go your daily dose of Kinsley!
So what am i thankful for today?
A little girl that can always make me smile because she is almost always smiling herself!
I'm thankful for belly laughs and friends that invoke these belly laughs!
I'm thankful for Mommas and Daddys who always call to check on me and tell me they love me!
I'm thankful for the amazing and patient man who made this child possible!
oh why not...
So we ALL remember the 80s. Bright colors, big hair, bigger bows! Man what a fashion disaster and BOY was i not immune! I loved it ALL. I was always a fashionesta and wanted it all. LUCKILY my Dad forbid BIG bangs, BUT i was able to convience them to allow me to have the hair.... the 80s perm! OH YEA!
See exhibit A below:
Notice the fantastic perm, the side half ponytail, the large bow, the preppy boat shoes (which are SOOO back in now!). I was SOOO styling! My Aunt (the ear piercer) would perm my hair every summer when we went to visit her in Texas. It was awesome. I look forward to those trip so much, not just for a touch-up to my do but I loved that girly bonding time.
I LOVED (and still do) my Aunt. She was my favorite... but even favorites let you down sometimes. I looked up to her SOOO much that i wanted hair JUST LIKE HERS! Oh i couldn't wait! It was going to be SHORT, but a little longer on top with big sweaping body wave type curls! But something went TERRIBLY wrong and she didn't quite get my vision (even though she saw my vision in her mirror EVERY day)... the vision she saw turned out like this...
Yep that's me... in the 4th grade (maybe this is why the teasing started). That's the famous poodle hair cut. I swear i burned all of these pictures BUT my Dad has told me that THIS haircut was his favorite of mine over the years and has tried to hide these pictures of me to savor (or hold over my head as blackmail) for life. But i've decided it's time to face my hair demons and share it with the world. This is me in the 90-91 school year.... I had to grow my hair out from this hot mess!
But honestly it was just preparing me for the future, because if you can survive a haircut like that (that wasn't even cool in the 80s/90s) then you can survive ANYTHING!
See exhibit A below:
Notice the fantastic perm, the side half ponytail, the large bow, the preppy boat shoes (which are SOOO back in now!). I was SOOO styling! My Aunt (the ear piercer) would perm my hair every summer when we went to visit her in Texas. It was awesome. I look forward to those trip so much, not just for a touch-up to my do but I loved that girly bonding time.
I LOVED (and still do) my Aunt. She was my favorite... but even favorites let you down sometimes. I looked up to her SOOO much that i wanted hair JUST LIKE HERS! Oh i couldn't wait! It was going to be SHORT, but a little longer on top with big sweaping body wave type curls! But something went TERRIBLY wrong and she didn't quite get my vision (even though she saw my vision in her mirror EVERY day)... the vision she saw turned out like this...
Yep that's me... in the 4th grade (maybe this is why the teasing started). That's the famous poodle hair cut. I swear i burned all of these pictures BUT my Dad has told me that THIS haircut was his favorite of mine over the years and has tried to hide these pictures of me to savor (or hold over my head as blackmail) for life. But i've decided it's time to face my hair demons and share it with the world. This is me in the 90-91 school year.... I had to grow my hair out from this hot mess!
But honestly it was just preparing me for the future, because if you can survive a haircut like that (that wasn't even cool in the 80s/90s) then you can survive ANYTHING!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The apple of my eye
Now these are a little blurry (having been scanned) but when i look at my daughter I see myself... i see who i was and i see who she could be....
Those are my wide eyes below and my brother taking care of me...
That is me laughing...
That is me playing...
It's so amazing to look at the little person that i was apart of creating and see myself in her eyes. It's amazing and yet scares me at the same time, because, well, I want better for her.
I had an amazing childhood, i had amazing parents that loved me and gave me everything they could, which was always more then i needed. They taught me about God and goodness and kindness. They put me in gymnastics, dance, theater, etc.
What i want for Kinsley are not better parents, i hope i can only be half the parent mine were. I hope for her better friends and more happiness in school. From the time i was in at least 5th grade I can remember becoming one of the children that other children picked on. I was teased, picked on, called names, and taunted. It got worse as i went into middle school.
I remember crying to my Mom and her trying to find a way to make it better, but there simply wasn't a way. I later learned in high school from a boy that the reason they were all so mean to me in middle school was because i was "just that person everyone picked on". It's true i let them get to me, which kids only feed on. It didn't help that my Dad would volunteer at the school DAILY and roam the halls looking for kids to turn into the principal for breaking the rules.
It didn't get better when i got into high school either. For all of a month or two maybe it did but then the "cool" girls decided i would be their new source of entertainment to taunt. By the time my junior year rolled around i knew who to avoid and where not to stand, etc. I eventually thought my luck had changed when i met a cute "cool" boy who wanted to be my boyfriend. But my self esteem was so low that I never saw how i was letting myself down by staying with a person who would stay friends with people who would spread rumors and vandilize his girlfriends house. My self esteem was low enough that i stayed (or kept going back to) with him for 4 years of my life.
It wasn't until i reached my junior year in college that i "grew a pair". I had my established group of GOOD friends. Real friends that would tell you the truth and tear apart anyone who tried to hurt you. I became independent, moving into my first apartment with these girls. I met my Northern Cowboy, who showed me what a man is supposed to be like. I met my best friend Christina who through the years i've grown such a bond with that i can't remember when we weren't close.
It took a long time, but i'm happy and confidante now. I can stand up for myself and be happy doing what i want to do, not what i think others want me to do. I don't want my daughter, who looks SO much like me to have to take 10 or more years to get to that point. I want her to be okay with being the good girl and i don't want her to be picked on for having parents that care so deeply. I want her to know how to shrug off the hurtful comments because she already knows how amazing she is and that those people are just trying to make themselves feel less insecure. I want her to follow God like it's a privilege and like it's exciting, not like she feels like she should because I told her to... I want her to have a happiness that i only had growing up when i was safe at home in my parents arms. I want her to feel my arms around her every step of her day.
It scares me to look in her eyes and see myself, because i just want better for her...
Those are my wide eyes below and my brother taking care of me...
That is me laughing...
That is me playing...
It's so amazing to look at the little person that i was apart of creating and see myself in her eyes. It's amazing and yet scares me at the same time, because, well, I want better for her.
I had an amazing childhood, i had amazing parents that loved me and gave me everything they could, which was always more then i needed. They taught me about God and goodness and kindness. They put me in gymnastics, dance, theater, etc.
What i want for Kinsley are not better parents, i hope i can only be half the parent mine were. I hope for her better friends and more happiness in school. From the time i was in at least 5th grade I can remember becoming one of the children that other children picked on. I was teased, picked on, called names, and taunted. It got worse as i went into middle school.
I remember crying to my Mom and her trying to find a way to make it better, but there simply wasn't a way. I later learned in high school from a boy that the reason they were all so mean to me in middle school was because i was "just that person everyone picked on". It's true i let them get to me, which kids only feed on. It didn't help that my Dad would volunteer at the school DAILY and roam the halls looking for kids to turn into the principal for breaking the rules.
It didn't get better when i got into high school either. For all of a month or two maybe it did but then the "cool" girls decided i would be their new source of entertainment to taunt. By the time my junior year rolled around i knew who to avoid and where not to stand, etc. I eventually thought my luck had changed when i met a cute "cool" boy who wanted to be my boyfriend. But my self esteem was so low that I never saw how i was letting myself down by staying with a person who would stay friends with people who would spread rumors and vandilize his girlfriends house. My self esteem was low enough that i stayed (or kept going back to) with him for 4 years of my life.
It wasn't until i reached my junior year in college that i "grew a pair". I had my established group of GOOD friends. Real friends that would tell you the truth and tear apart anyone who tried to hurt you. I became independent, moving into my first apartment with these girls. I met my Northern Cowboy, who showed me what a man is supposed to be like. I met my best friend Christina who through the years i've grown such a bond with that i can't remember when we weren't close.
It took a long time, but i'm happy and confidante now. I can stand up for myself and be happy doing what i want to do, not what i think others want me to do. I don't want my daughter, who looks SO much like me to have to take 10 or more years to get to that point. I want her to be okay with being the good girl and i don't want her to be picked on for having parents that care so deeply. I want her to know how to shrug off the hurtful comments because she already knows how amazing she is and that those people are just trying to make themselves feel less insecure. I want her to follow God like it's a privilege and like it's exciting, not like she feels like she should because I told her to... I want her to have a happiness that i only had growing up when i was safe at home in my parents arms. I want her to feel my arms around her every step of her day.
It scares me to look in her eyes and see myself, because i just want better for her...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Diva in training!
I know, we're MIA... we've been a little busy with just enjoying each other! Kinsley is such a funny baby that we just keep playing with her and watching her.
This weekend we had our neighborhood BBQ (which i TOTALLY forgot my camera for). Kinsley played well with the other children, enjoyed some naked time in the baby pool i provided, and dazzled everyone with her over all cuteness!
By 7ish all the babies were asleep and the parents started a game of flip cup in the center of the court with monitors attached to hips! Yeah, that's how we roll on my street!
This morning i thought K looked like such a cute little diva in her animal print so we had to do an impromptu photo shoot before we went into daycare!
Obviously she was not quite ready.... "Oh gezzz Mom i TOTALLY blinked, try again"
Kinsley is OBSESSED with sucking her bottom lip now, i think it's So cute!
I love this one of her, she's just an amazing girl!
"yummy lip!"
She's such a little stinker... this is her mischievous face! That or it's her poop face, but since her diaper was empty i think she was just planning something for later~
This weekend we had our neighborhood BBQ (which i TOTALLY forgot my camera for). Kinsley played well with the other children, enjoyed some naked time in the baby pool i provided, and dazzled everyone with her over all cuteness!
By 7ish all the babies were asleep and the parents started a game of flip cup in the center of the court with monitors attached to hips! Yeah, that's how we roll on my street!
This morning i thought K looked like such a cute little diva in her animal print so we had to do an impromptu photo shoot before we went into daycare!
Obviously she was not quite ready.... "Oh gezzz Mom i TOTALLY blinked, try again"
Kinsley is OBSESSED with sucking her bottom lip now, i think it's So cute!
I love this one of her, she's just an amazing girl!
"yummy lip!"
She's such a little stinker... this is her mischievous face! That or it's her poop face, but since her diaper was empty i think she was just planning something for later~
Friday, June 11, 2010
On the Road again...
Well i'm on the road to recovery! I just feel filled with hope! Yesterday my work allowed me to leave early to go home and sleep before i needed to pick up my daughter...i slept 3 1/2 hours! HEAVEN! Then i went to bed and got to sleep in an extra 2 hours because i had a doctors appointment this morning!
Then i went to the doctor which is my new therapist! She's great, so far~ I mean we just met. Well, she's going to help me work on coping issues, relaxation techniques, sleep techniques, etc. I'm really hopeful that i will get back to being myself without having to tell myself to be myself! I want to be goofy, and smile, and silly again! And i think/feel like that is about to happen! Slowly, but surely!
Thanks for all of ya'll support! I love ya'll!
Then i went to the doctor which is my new therapist! She's great, so far~ I mean we just met. Well, she's going to help me work on coping issues, relaxation techniques, sleep techniques, etc. I'm really hopeful that i will get back to being myself without having to tell myself to be myself! I want to be goofy, and smile, and silly again! And i think/feel like that is about to happen! Slowly, but surely!
Thanks for all of ya'll support! I love ya'll!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
How does the Daddy do it?
Sleep through the night that is? i just don't get it... my child starts fussing and i don't even need to have her monitor on to hear her. I jump out of bed and scurry (or clumsily bump into everything so i looked like i was in a bar brawl the next day) to her room to soothe her cries away. The next day Northern Cowboy looks at me and says "K slept well, huh?" and then he ducks as i hurl something at his head. I tell him that No, K didn't sleep well, in fact she woke up THREE times! To that he looks at me like I'm dreaming and says he didn't hear a thing.
Fast forward to sleep training time! I inform my sound sleeper of a husband that it's HIS turn. I fed her and she shouldn't be hungry for 9 hours, so if she's fussing it's not for my boobs so therefore my boobs will stay in bed!
Kinsley wakes up so I nudge Northern Cowboy and tell him that he's on to which he asks what to do.... Now seriously, if i have to take the time to explain then i might as well just get up. BUT, i explain. He goes in and it's just not working. So i go in... tell him to pick her up and calm her but then put her back to bed sleepy awake. She refuses to calm. I tell him to change positions, to which he replies "She just doesn't like me!".
At this point I'm tired of BOTH of their fussing and don't feel like having a deep drawn out conversation with him about how it's not him, she wants the boob, and if you want to get her comforted you need to hold her this way and shush that way and pat this way and stick the passy in and jiggle it at the same time.
So i grab her and do it myself... i know i should have just let him figure it out but lets face it, all THREE of us would have killed each other at the end of that scenario at 12 in the morning! He then (***shocking***) goes back to bed, i lay her in her crib sleepy awake... she proceeds to start crying again... I shush, pat, and let her hold my hand while uncomfortably contorting my body so it's laying next to hers while still having both feet (okay toes) on the ground (should have just crawled in there!). She FINALLY goes to sleep... i give her a few extra minutes to make sure and then i go back to bed.
I crawl (okay plop as hard as i could so that the bed felt like an earth quake hit it) into bed and have N.C . ask me "so, you fed her?" to which i replied "NO, I SOOTHED HER!" Yep i soothed the shit out of my stubborn little terd that has her Momma's will power in getting what she wants!
And then we got to do it all over again at 3! YEA!
Here's the terd telling me how well she slept last night!
"It was SOOO great to get to hang out with you and Daddy last night Momma! It was like a fun party!"
That's it child! THIS IS WAR! The Momma ALWAYS wins!
Fast forward to sleep training time! I inform my sound sleeper of a husband that it's HIS turn. I fed her and she shouldn't be hungry for 9 hours, so if she's fussing it's not for my boobs so therefore my boobs will stay in bed!
Kinsley wakes up so I nudge Northern Cowboy and tell him that he's on to which he asks what to do.... Now seriously, if i have to take the time to explain then i might as well just get up. BUT, i explain. He goes in and it's just not working. So i go in... tell him to pick her up and calm her but then put her back to bed sleepy awake. She refuses to calm. I tell him to change positions, to which he replies "She just doesn't like me!".
At this point I'm tired of BOTH of their fussing and don't feel like having a deep drawn out conversation with him about how it's not him, she wants the boob, and if you want to get her comforted you need to hold her this way and shush that way and pat this way and stick the passy in and jiggle it at the same time.
So i grab her and do it myself... i know i should have just let him figure it out but lets face it, all THREE of us would have killed each other at the end of that scenario at 12 in the morning! He then (***shocking***) goes back to bed, i lay her in her crib sleepy awake... she proceeds to start crying again... I shush, pat, and let her hold my hand while uncomfortably contorting my body so it's laying next to hers while still having both feet (okay toes) on the ground (should have just crawled in there!). She FINALLY goes to sleep... i give her a few extra minutes to make sure and then i go back to bed.
I crawl (okay plop as hard as i could so that the bed felt like an earth quake hit it) into bed and have N.C . ask me "so, you fed her?" to which i replied "NO, I SOOTHED HER!" Yep i soothed the shit out of my stubborn little terd that has her Momma's will power in getting what she wants!
And then we got to do it all over again at 3! YEA!
Here's the terd telling me how well she slept last night!
"It was SOOO great to get to hang out with you and Daddy last night Momma! It was like a fun party!"
That's it child! THIS IS WAR! The Momma ALWAYS wins!
Teething Hell!
We were so excited about seeing that first one pop through, YEA we have a cute little snaggle tooth! But then she was immediately fussy again and low and behold, another one was coming up. well that one is all through now.... but she's still fussy! Seriously is ANOTHER one coming? I really don't know if i have the strength for this! SERIOUSLY!
I have NOT gotten more then 4-5 hours of sleep the last 3ish nights. AND i haven't gotten more then 2 1/2 of continuous sleep! It's killing me... i'm going down!
So I AM trying my darnest to look on the bright side of this... perhaps she'll be done super fast because all of her teeth will be in! Somehow, i doubt it.
So we've tried: Motrin, Tylenol, teething tablets, orejel, cold things, blah blah blah.... shes mostly fine when she's awake (THANK the good Lord for that!) but when she tries to sleep or nap it's not happening!
Oh help me for I am weak person that NEEDS sleep!
I have NOT gotten more then 4-5 hours of sleep the last 3ish nights. AND i haven't gotten more then 2 1/2 of continuous sleep! It's killing me... i'm going down!
So I AM trying my darnest to look on the bright side of this... perhaps she'll be done super fast because all of her teeth will be in! Somehow, i doubt it.
So we've tried: Motrin, Tylenol, teething tablets, orejel, cold things, blah blah blah.... shes mostly fine when she's awake (THANK the good Lord for that!) but when she tries to sleep or nap it's not happening!
Oh help me for I am weak person that NEEDS sleep!
She's NAKED!!!!!
I know i know! Delicious rolls!
Some would say, sweet! You have blackmail pictures but I disagree! This photo is so darn cute if i were her I would be proud of it!
I tried to put a waterproof pad under her for her naked time (i try to do this each night to give her butt a diaper break after the bath) but she's such a mover now i couldn't keep it under her! Going to have to try something bigger... like a TARP!
Some would say, sweet! You have blackmail pictures but I disagree! This photo is so darn cute if i were her I would be proud of it!
I tried to put a waterproof pad under her for her naked time (i try to do this each night to give her butt a diaper break after the bath) but she's such a mover now i couldn't keep it under her! Going to have to try something bigger... like a TARP!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Kinsley loves attention and she LOVES to play
It's a same really that my child never has any fun. She's not loved, nor played with... just sits around all day wondering when we'll pay attention to her....
NOT!
Meet my little Ham... "I will EAT YOU!"... she's terribly obsessed with opening her mouth like she's about to take a bite out of a Big Mac to show you she's excited.... it makes it VERY hard to get a sweet picture out of her! lol.
Oh yea, she likes to drive now too...
This is her pinup shot... Kinsley stop it with the sexy eyes!
There's the little girl we all know and love!
NOT!
Meet my little Ham... "I will EAT YOU!"... she's terribly obsessed with opening her mouth like she's about to take a bite out of a Big Mac to show you she's excited.... it makes it VERY hard to get a sweet picture out of her! lol.
Oh yea, she likes to drive now too...
This is her pinup shot... Kinsley stop it with the sexy eyes!
There's the little girl we all know and love!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Fun while we wait...
My Dad visited us this weekend! It was so much fun. My Mom surprised him with a trip up here to see the Oriole's vs Red Sox's game! It was great fun... but while Kinsley and I waited after her swim class for his plane to arrive we needed to find something to do (because i knew my child would not sit patiently in her car seat)... so we pulled into the cell phone waiting area and played!
Here's the bright-eyed girl now!
Such a cute little stinker!
This cutie has been keeping me up WAY too much... i'm on the verge of shipping her off to Grandma's for a few days just so i can actually get some sleep! Turns out though, tooth number two is making its way into her little mouth! I can't wait to see a smile with two teeth sticking up!
Here's the bright-eyed girl now!
Such a cute little stinker!
This cutie has been keeping me up WAY too much... i'm on the verge of shipping her off to Grandma's for a few days just so i can actually get some sleep! Turns out though, tooth number two is making its way into her little mouth! I can't wait to see a smile with two teeth sticking up!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Is it weird to jog at 11PM?
So i've had a lack of motivation lately... for anything. I just want to sleep (even though i can't) or play with Kinsley... or (who are we kidding) shop.
Lately ya'll all know i've been struggling with Depression and Anxiety lately and because of that I don't have a lot of motivation... yet when i do it comes at the strangest times...
So last night i'm laying in bed and it's around 11pm (shocking i'm not asleep...) and i have this HUGE HUGE urge to clean the house, organize the basement, write a few blog post and then go for a jog around the neighborhood. Like it was hard to get to sleep i wanted to do these things so bad.
You would think i was in my last month of pregnancy with all the nesting i wanted to get done. The problem is I'll comfort myself with "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll pick up K and then come home, go on a walk/jog, then put away laundry, feed K, Make a GREAT dinner, put K to bed, and then clean the house!" AND then tomorrow happens and none of THAT happens, and then i get another urge at 11 at night AGAIN.
Now some people might say, well then GO with it! But i have to get up at 445 in the morning! Do you REALLY want to be awake cleaning and jogging when you're already only going to get like 5ish hours of sleep? Oh forget that, 4 since Kinsley LOVES to wake up every two hours right now for some reason.
So how would i channel this energy to more acceptable hours? Ah the golden question!
Lately ya'll all know i've been struggling with Depression and Anxiety lately and because of that I don't have a lot of motivation... yet when i do it comes at the strangest times...
So last night i'm laying in bed and it's around 11pm (shocking i'm not asleep...) and i have this HUGE HUGE urge to clean the house, organize the basement, write a few blog post and then go for a jog around the neighborhood. Like it was hard to get to sleep i wanted to do these things so bad.
You would think i was in my last month of pregnancy with all the nesting i wanted to get done. The problem is I'll comfort myself with "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll pick up K and then come home, go on a walk/jog, then put away laundry, feed K, Make a GREAT dinner, put K to bed, and then clean the house!" AND then tomorrow happens and none of THAT happens, and then i get another urge at 11 at night AGAIN.
Now some people might say, well then GO with it! But i have to get up at 445 in the morning! Do you REALLY want to be awake cleaning and jogging when you're already only going to get like 5ish hours of sleep? Oh forget that, 4 since Kinsley LOVES to wake up every two hours right now for some reason.
So how would i channel this energy to more acceptable hours? Ah the golden question!
I'm a Big Girl! 6 Months!
So these are a bit late BUT better late the never and it's only by 4 days!
Kinsley weighed in at 15lbs 4oz and was a whopping 26 1/4" long! YEA Special K!
And she never has any fun and never smiles for me...
"Oh yeah, lets change it up a bit Mom"
"Um no, i do not think you're funny"
"Okay just kidding, hahahaha"
Do you see those delicious chunky legs? Um!
And we are still breastfeeding! She is NOT sleeping through the night, actually quite TERRIBLE with her sleep right now...
She has a tooth on the bottom!
And She's the only one in her swim class to go completely under the water! YEA K!
Kinsley weighed in at 15lbs 4oz and was a whopping 26 1/4" long! YEA Special K!
And she never has any fun and never smiles for me...
"Oh yeah, lets change it up a bit Mom"
"Um no, i do not think you're funny"
"Okay just kidding, hahahaha"
Do you see those delicious chunky legs? Um!
And we are still breastfeeding! She is NOT sleeping through the night, actually quite TERRIBLE with her sleep right now...
She has a tooth on the bottom!
And She's the only one in her swim class to go completely under the water! YEA K!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Don't tell me my kid doesn't like to eat!
So Kinsley eats three meals a day in addition to her bottles/boobs. Typically she'll wake up and eat, have cereal with pears, then a bottle, then lunch (peas, squash, peaches), then a bottle, then another bottle, then a boob, then dinner (same as lunch but add in some cereal), then another boob... and typically a boob or two at night. Such a happy eater and she is CHUNKIN up! And i just LOVE it!
For all of those wondering, NO i do not feed her forehead, she does. Kinsley likes to "help" you shovel the food into her mouth (in case you're doing it wrong or not fast enough) and as a result gets it ALL OVER her hands and therefore into her hair and anything else within reaching distance.... it's just a fact of our lives now! And it's GREAT!
Oh i could just smother that face in kisses if it weren't already smothered!
REALLY Kinsley, we need to work on our table manners! What will your dates think in the future if you cover yourself in food! And NO i do not mean covering yourself in chocolate for your.... oh lets not even go there! EVER! Earmuffs! Handcuffs... wait NO! NO HANDCUFFS! Chasity Belt! That's it! Quick Chris, get the Chasity Belt ready! And big tall tower to lock her in! Yes! That's it!
oh stop growing baby! It's too soon!
For all of those wondering, NO i do not feed her forehead, she does. Kinsley likes to "help" you shovel the food into her mouth (in case you're doing it wrong or not fast enough) and as a result gets it ALL OVER her hands and therefore into her hair and anything else within reaching distance.... it's just a fact of our lives now! And it's GREAT!
Oh i could just smother that face in kisses if it weren't already smothered!
REALLY Kinsley, we need to work on our table manners! What will your dates think in the future if you cover yourself in food! And NO i do not mean covering yourself in chocolate for your.... oh lets not even go there! EVER! Earmuffs! Handcuffs... wait NO! NO HANDCUFFS! Chasity Belt! That's it! Quick Chris, get the Chasity Belt ready! And big tall tower to lock her in! Yes! That's it!
oh stop growing baby! It's too soon!
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