So i was reading this very funny blog and her post about a Brazilian Bikini wax and it got me thinking about my own expereince with THAT... and i would LOVE to know ya'lls!
So for my wedding i decided that i wanted ALL hair off my body because then i wouldn't have to shave over my honeymoon... that and i have issues with razor burn (most likely b/c my hair is so thick).
So off to Elizabeth Arden Day Spa i went. They recommended that i make two appointments for the Brazilian since i had never had it done before and hair grows in cycles, so this would ensure a beautiful smoothness come wedding day... or so they said.
So i go in for the first appointment, which was the brazilian. I took some ibuprofen before hand (upon the recommendation of others) but it did NOT do a lick of good. You strip down and well, spread'em. I mean at the gyno at least they give you a paper sheet to cover with... NOT here.
You know i don't think i even got a hello my name is... maybe i did? God i was TOO nervous to even know what the girl was saying past "so everything?"! And away she went. To ripping out my hair follicles (and dignity) and I was doing okay with a well deserved grunt of pain here and there. At least i was, then she got to what she called the "sweet spot". This is the area at the top (sorry it's about to get graphic) right between your "lips". Oh, bloody jesus, mother of mary what was she trying to pull off there? I really think they heard me holler (b/c it was NOT just a yell or scream, it was a full out Holler ya'll!) all over the spa. Yeah, that got a little chuckle out of the hair Nazi!
So when she was done i looked at my red swollen glory and still saw signs of hair! She told me it's just the cycle and she'll get it all next time for the final session (yes i was going to subject myself to her pulling apart my girly bits AGAIN, for the love of my honeymoon and groom!). So as i shed a tear or two on the way home (b/c it hurt that bad) i started to prepare myself.
So the next time was the Thursday before my wedding. We started off easy, legs. NO Problem... i mean the back of the knees wasn't GREAT and neither were the ankles but it's wasn't bad. Moving on to the arms, simple! And lets round it out with under the arms.... "hmmm" (just what you want to hear your waxer say) "I'm not sure the hair will be long enough"... WHAT! I let these puppies GROW, it HAS to be long enough, i can't come back, this is my only time slot for pain! You have to do it! SO, she tried. Meaning, she tried and failed. NO hair, NOT ONE came off of me. But do you know what did come off? The top layer of skin, because she tried TWICE on each arm pit. So i was left with bright red pits that i had to shave anyway so then i developed razor burn on top of the red pits over the honeymoon, Klassy!
"Well", i thought to myself, "it can't get any worse then this, lets just move on and finish the job". so we moved on, but nothing was finished. The waxed and pulled and the bikini area was still a hot mess. I mean it wasn't all walking through the bush to get to the outback, but it wasn't New Moon either. More like your great Aunt's chin, random sprouts here and there... so I still had to shave.
And the biggest bitch too??? I had to shave my legs over the honeymoon! I mean do i have hair follicles of concrete that refuse to be pulled? My hair is attached to me, both physically and emotionally.