Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Friday was hard for me

I tried to get a hold of my doctor but she isn't around on any day but Thursdays at my doctors office and they weren't very helpful in reaching her (something i WILL be talking to her about on Thursday at our appointment). I was feeling weird/bad all day. No one was around, Chris was working late, my friends were either out of town or had plans and i didn't want to be all debbie downer and call them up and explain that i was having a minor anxiety/depression attack of sorts and make them drop what they are doing and walk on egg shells around me. I just needed to be around people and get out of the house. I felt like i was going crazy in a very real very anxiety kind of way... my heart rate was up, I was snapping at my dogs and was starting to get REALLY frustrated that Kinsley wouldn't nap (even though it wasn't her nap time) and was on the verge of REALLY big tears (little ones were starting to escape). So i grabbed the diaper bag (which i later found out didn't really have much in it) and headed out for some retail therapy.

A lot can be said for this... i went to Loft where EVERYTHING in the store was 40% off! Don't worry, i didn't break the bank, but i did get 3 nice things from the Sale section that were an additional 40% the sale price! Then Kinsley and i headed over to Target to get some things that i knew she would need since my Parents were almost there and we would be visiting with them through her solid foods dinner time, and onto bed time, etc. So we got food, a spoon, PJ's, a bib, etc. The retail therapy did its job. It got me thinking about something else besides the fact that i was FREAKING OUT inside and felt like i was loosing my mind. It got me to thinking about what my happy little smiling girl needed and whether my not my butt looked cute in the slim fit jeans. It helped me to make it until my parents got there, when a weight was lifted from my heart and the black veil came off so that i could smile and know everything was going to be okay.

I was able to then relax because i knew if i started to feel like that again my parents were there and they would help me and Kinsley.

I was fine the rest of the weekend, never heard from the damn doctor but that WILL be addressed later! We worked on the house and dedicated Kinsley, and i prayed that God would help me to figure out what is going on and to not let my little girl have to deal with this when she gets older.

I'm not sure why it happened on Friday, if something triggered it... but i know i was scared. I wasn't scared of harming my baby or my dogs, but i was scared, i felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and like I would start crying and not be able to stop. Luckily God made sure my parents arrived ahead of schedule so that they could be there until Chris got off work.

Here's to praying I continue to "keep it together" until i see the doctor on Thursday.

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