Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Random thoughts

So today, rather then give myself a topic or stick to one subject I'm going to ramble like the thoughts in my head often do. So you're warned, you can slowly back away from this post now, i won't blame you.

First thought? My baby still needs me! See we've been crying it out for, oh a week... and we're still crying it out. I know we're awesome! But crying it out is also coinciding with teething. Whatever. Well the hubs has noticed now, when we put Kinsley into her crib to go "night night" she does just that, without crying. I mean she might stand up, do a little gig, roll around until she finds the sweet spot in her crib, but there's no crying. Or at least there hasn't been the last 3 nights. I'm sure now that i've mentioned this full on tantrums will ensue. Again, whatever. She still cries at night, at least once, often twice. But you know what, all she wants is to cuddle on my stomach and i find it hard to turn her down, especially since she is all "I am Baby, hear me Roar! I DO IT" with out the words, of course. When i put her back into her crib, she is either awake or wakes up (i'm not sure which since, well it's dark!) and isn't happy about being alone again (even though she has her Baby doll, puppy dog, and two lambs to keep her company). It's just nice to know that, even though it's flippin 2 in the morning, she just wants to be near me to JUST be near me (since she's rejected the boob and all).

On another note this new diet thing has gotten off to an amazing start! I had cookies the last TWO nights (yes that's how long i've been on this diet), even added some sherbet to the mix last night. Oh and 30 day shred? Why rush these things? Alright the goal is to try to do this tonight. I think i can i think i can... but do i really WANT to? Yes I want to, I want to have arms that won't flap in the wind and cover half of my body when i look at myself in pictures. Yes i want to only have one chin and calves that will fit into cute boots. But DAMN, why does it have to take SO much dedication. The only thing i seem to be able to dedicate myself to is pumping (hells to the yeah) and eating cookies! UH!

And i'm still over the dogs. I mean, yes it's gotten better, I no longer wish they would get old and die. But i JUST DON'T WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. I know i sound like any terrible person who had an animal that sends them to the shelter because they got lazy. Except i DIDN'T get lazy, i got a kid! These dogs need to run and be played with, not banned from the kitchen because i'm scared that they are going to eat the goldfish that my baby has dumped all over the floor that i can't keep clean because WE HAVE DOGS! I'm really at my wits end and don't know what to do about it. I feel the slipping of my sanity and don't know how to change it. I do love the dogs, i love to pet their little heads and cuddle with them. But I'm OVER it. I want to the be grandparent for the dogs... love them, spoil them, give them back. Anyone want two perfectly good, cute, trained dogs?

Lastly I'm over it and in a rut but the end is in sight. I can't go into too much detail yet because there's prying eyes on this public blog, BUT I am in a place where I'm so over dealing with what i'm dealing with, but i KNOW there's an end in site with a tentative date, so i know it's coming but not TOTALLY sure EXACTLY when, but I do have a rough idea, so now i'm sitting waiting for my life to change and have this weight lifted off my shoulders and be able to breath a sigh of relief (dramatic much?), but like i said it could happen any time between now and then. UH! Have i mentioned i'm not very patient... even though i HAVE been patient for ohhh like 3-4 months! I'll keep you posted. Since when this glorious change does take place it might directly effect the state of this blog, if the hubs doesn't jump on another bandwagon that i'm working on.

Alright well i have to go and drain the udders, so i'll ramble ya later!

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