Thursday, May 13, 2010

It's time I look to Me

So yesterday I put it out there, and you know... i'm going to keep it out there. As long as it's out then i don't feel like i'm drowning in this alone. So here's where i'm going with all of this...I've been emailing with an old friend lately and she's been going through a funk too, and she's decided to start putting herself first so that she CAN be a better mother, wife, etc. and it's funny that she decided that b/c I sort of did too without putting the phrase to it. I'm Trying to figure out what makes me tick, why i procrastinate, why i become so easily defeated. I know i deal with depression and it's being treated, but i think next time i meet with my psychiatrist we need need to treat it as more then a chemical imbalance and work more on me.

I ordered some books to help me Organize my life and to look deeper in myself (I'll let you know how they are and if they are good i'll pimp them out on here)

I decided I'm tired of dieting (Even though weight watchers SAYS it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change, IT'S A DIET to EVERYONE i've spoken to about it). I want to eat for my fuel, not for my happiness. I want my food to give me energy, not comfort. I want to have REAL food, not sodium packed frozen boxed meals ALL THE TIME!

I just want to find a way to be happy without a justification of "I will be happy when...". Don't get me wrong, my daughter, husband, family, and friends all make me VERY happy, i love them dearly and couldn't be luckier... but there's still that funk always weighing me down. And i have to look at me for that. I didn't realize yesterday that when i was ordering those books that would be my ultimate goal but i think until i'm passionate (my friends phrase) about me and taking care of me, everything else is just going to sub par.

I'm excited and overwhelmed with this new journey that I'm going to be going on but I think it's going to be a great ride (if I follow through with it!) lol.

So what are you passionate about? How do you not loose sight of who you are? How do you "Keep it real"?

1 comment:

  1. Unfortunately, I am right there with you. I come last in my life. And currently I am in the same funk that you are in. Everything is just a sour taste in my mouth, even if it makes me happy. Because something is just "off". I hope that you are able to work on yourself and being passionate about yourself. And I hope that I can too.
    But don't worry, I've been in this funk before- when I was younger- and it does get better. It does get better. Good luck.