So i've decided to start TRYING to have a guest post every Thursday (GBT) for ya'll, because i know i can get old. So to kick us off on the right foot Kit from Blogging Dangerously has graciously allowed me to re-post this post that she wrote for another favorite of mine (and a future guest blogger) The Heir to Blair. I'm so excited about this because it really helps with a oh so sensitive subject that, well my family does NOT want to read if it's from me! So without further ado...
Intimacy in Marriage
Sometimes I’m not sure if my readers are more shocked by the WAY I talk about sex on my blog – or by the fact that I actually HAVE sex and 4 young children under 7. The resounding comment on my blog is, “I will try to remember these things in case my husband/wife and I EVER have sex again!”
And you know what? I get it. For a few years there it felt like the only time my husband and I had sex was when we were actively trying to get pregnant. And after the second or third night of “trying” we were ready to wait a month until the next window.
Sometimes the most intimate we were was just leaving the other one alone in the bedroom to make magic alone and then get some much needed sleep. We weren’t going for movie-style intimacy, we were just trying to hang onto some semblance of our sexuality.
After my 4th daughter was born it got much more difficult. First of all we had 3 young children who were keeping us hopping during the day and a newborn who was keeping us awake all night. Then, YEARS of breastfeeding had taken their toll on my estrogen level and I was just NOT IN THE MOOD. And when I WAS in the mood my body wouldn’t cooperate so it hurt – pain is definitely NOT an aphrodisiac!
I talked to my doctor and she gave me an estrogen based lubricant that worked wonders. First of all it helped during sex but then the estrogen was absorbed and helped me get to the point that I no longer needed it. If you think that you have a physical issue (pain, or anything that’s not like it used to be) please ask your doctor.
Once we’d resolved that issue we ran straight into another issue – timing. I’m a night person. I have a lot of things to do during the day and I can’t relax completely until they’re done and everything is put away and things are in their proper place and my face is washed and my teeth are brushed, etc.
My husband is more laid back but when he’s tired he’s TIRED. Bedtime for him is LIGHTSOUT, no talking, keep your hands to yourself time. So you can see what I mean about timing issues. Day after day he would walk into my home office and get shot down. Night after night I would roll toward him only to have him roll away.
And it was okay, our marriage was strong enough. But after a while I realized that it didn’t HAVE to be. We didn’t have to have a lackluster sex life because we had a strong marriage. Sure, on the weeks where we all came down with a stomach bug it was good to know that sex could take a back burner but during the weeks when things were going well it was equally good to know that I was married to a man who could curl my toes – TWICE.
We started trying to be more flexible. I realized that if I was in the mood during the day we could squeeze some time together into 15 minutes – certainly less time than I was allowed for lunch – and easily shorter than a nap. We started going to bed earlier.
And the more sex we managed to have, the more we thought about sex, and the more sex we ended up having. There were weeks when we had sex 5 times – and they were followed by weeks where we didn’t have sex at all. And then there were weeks after weeks after weeks when we had sex twice. There was really no pressure to keep score but the point was that we were in the habit of having sex instead of the habit of NOT having sex. And while our marriage may have been strong enough to withstand NOT having sex, it was nice that it didn’t HAVE TO. There was no pressure to have newlywed sex but it was nice to be enjoying my body with a man who could curl my toes - TWICE.
Now if you are interested in becoming a Guest Blogger for me feel free to contact me! You don't even have to BE a blogger (though if you are i'll pimp out your blog on here!). You can talk about anything! Adventures in teething, your most recent trip to the bar, or how you met your Honey!
Just let me know or please say yes when i ask!